Argggggggg.. Shunning and Unbalanced Thinking

Sassy

Most of you know my son is coming to visit... (woo hoo.. still excited) and most of you also know since my intention to stop being a JW, even though I am not df'd or da'd my mother has stopped most contact with me. An email which is very cold/generic here or there and subjects such as weather or health are the only things I get from her.

Last month when I was supposed to have surgery, it was ok for her to talk to me.. and I mentioned to mom about my son coming to visit. She wanted to know what airport he would be flying out of and since she has had little contact with my boys too, she recommended that I fly him out of Mpls, (which is cheaper) and they would drive him down and spend time with him.......... and I thought fine. even though the cost savings wasnt' much, I knew she loved him too.. and missed him..

ok.. so I go to book the flight and call to confirm she is ok with it. First of all, she was kind of cold when she answered and realized it was me.. (like, why are you calling me??) but when she realized what it was about she was in a different happy mood. Then I gave her the date.. not good.. she is planning a trip that day.. even actually very criptic about why she was busy. I finally asked, what was she hiding from me? just spit it out! turns out she is meeting up with an old JW board friend of mine she met on a PRO JW board I introduced her to.. what EVER.. I only said do NOT sit and gossip about me with her.. MY LIFE is none of her business..

so any way.. I booked flights for my son at the airport close to my son no problem..

so what do I get? an email telling me that she wants to call my house when my son is there at my place since it is not as convenient to call when he is at his dads..

ok.. she can't call my house to chat with me because I am bad association... a possible dangerous apostate!

but she can take my precious time which I have waited 4 yrs to see my son to talk to him at my house on the phone she won't call me on..

I keep telling myself this is little and shouldn't matter..

but the thing is.. she lives a half hour from him.. she could seek him out more and doesn't.. that isn't my fault..

my bf was like.. oh hell no.. if she can't call and talk to you.. and driving to meet some internet person who she has never met (and was my friend) was more important to her than seeing her grandson to bring him to the airport to see her daughter.. then she isn't calling the house..

SheilaM

Sassy you need to get such a person out of your life. She is selfish and mean. I would have cancelled ANYTHING to see my grandchild PERIOD Therefore your time with your son is you time, she can just punt on how to have contact with him.

PS Do you want him hurt by her cause people like that hurt everyone they have in their lives

Bubbamar

Awwww Sassy....I'm so sorry. Your mom is as crazy as mine! What about "Let your yes mean yes and your no mean no?" Its so convenient how they are scrupulous with scripture when it (a)suits them and (b) its mean.

I definitely see your point - My first instinct would be to not let her call too. But I think I would take a few deep breaths and then encourage her to communicate with family. But that's only because I'm trying Steven Hassan's suggestions in Releasing the Bonds. He says to develop the relationship so that the family member will know they are loved and wanted outside of the cult. I think its kind of a reverse "love-bombing."

I'm struggling with the same issue in responding to my mom's letter. She definitely deserves a good verbal assassination! But that won't get me anywhere really.

Good luck to you and DON'T let her ruin or mar your visit with you beautiful family!!!!!

Sassy

my first reaction was to say.. If you can't call and visit with me.. then you can't call him at my house and visit with my son..

then I thought, is the rude? I mean she had offered to take him to the airport.. but I knew she did it more for herself than me.

but isn't it kind of rude for her to call him at my house, when she wont call my house just to talk to me?

see my son was never baptized so she can talk to my kids even though they arent' JWs..

same as my brother.. he never got baptized so he has always been accepted in her home for meals, to stay over night.. but my sister has been dfd since age 14. Once she moved out of the house to live with my dad (well actually my mother just left her with dad and moved to another town to pioneer).. my sister can only talk to her about surgeries or other health issues..

I hate that religion

MelbaToast

Im with you Sassy...arrrrghhh.

((((((Big HUGS))))))

If it makes you feel any better, I have to see my mom this weekend too....my sister is coming up from Hell ( I mean Florida) with her best friend, so she wants to see me and the baby. I have to go tomorrow morning...how pre planned is that? She called me this afternoon and said hey, Im going, you need to go too, so I can stand our mother....blech. Thank god you only have to talk to her on the phone.

Melba of the*Thinks her big sister is so BOSSY!* class

Special K

((( Sassy )))

Why is it that most J.W. family just don't see that things are being done very unfairly.

GRRRRR.... for you too.

GRRRRR... that's a double grrrrr.

Special K

codeblue

Sorry to hear about this Sassy.........

...hmmm, toxic people...just how much of them should we tolerate even if they are our family?

You know about me calling my sister and she interrogated my faith........and then she hung up on me??? That is toxic to the limit, and very unloving....It hurts because she is my sister, but I am better off without her. I deserve love and respect, I have always shown her that.

Anyways, I hope you have a wonderful visit with your son. (btw, if she lives only 1/2 hour away from him, she should have plenty of time to visit him without coming to YOUR house)

Many hugs to you today,

Codeblue

Netty

How irritating Sassy, gosh I am sorry you have to go through this garbage. It reminds me of something pathetic that was done to my sister. She had a friend that she pioneered with for ages, then they both ended up disfellowshipped for years and years, hung out together, were the best of friends during their disfellowshipped years. My sister heard a rumor that her friend got reinstated. The friend calls my sis up on the phone, mind you she is the one who MADE the phone call, and when my sis answered she asked for my nephew and told my sis "I CANT talk to you anymore". It is all just so ridiculous. Hang in there ok, and have a great time with your son, I am happy for you that you get to spend time with him now, good for you!

God bless,

ciao!

Netty

morty

Hi Sassy girl.....

To be honest I read this thread earlyer on and sat and thought about it....

I really think you need to stand up to your mom and tell her how you really feel about her. What is the diffrence going to make on the way she has treated lately anyways. This way at least you have told her what and how you feel about her treating you this way.I dont think you are being rude to her by telling her the truth.

This is YOUR limelight right now, and not hers. If the boys ment anything to her in the past, why has she not gone out of her way to make contact with them. You said your self that the boys were never baptized in the past and your brother ( who was not baptized)was always invited to her home and invited to stay for meals and things so why not the grandbabies?? These are suppose to be her grandbabies. Her own blood. I think you need to tell her what you are feeling Sassy and get it off your chest. I mean what will you really be giving up if she does not bother to come and see you? I think she is just trying to make herself look good..IMO

She will only make herself look bad in front of the boys not you hon.....

Don't let her take away your happiness in the rekindling of your boys...

Your boys will see the big picture once they meet grandma again, let them be the judge....

I wish you all the happiness with them....

Love Morty

Odrade

Ah Sass, what a pain, huh? If she calls, and it's convenient to answer the phone, why don't you give your boys the choice of whether to talk to her. You don't have to make any special arrangement to be there when she says she'll call, but leave it up to them.

She probably realizes what she's doing, but you don't have to play the game... I hope your visit goes well.

O

Argggggggg.. Shunning and Unbalanced Thinking

Share this