conversations with my mom - need to vent

by song19 10 Replies latest members private

  • song19
    song19

    Greetings friends

    After learning the things about the ‘truth’ I was more than anxious to share my findings with my folks. My mom had been giving me the, “so when are you going to start going to meetings again’ comments regularly. So one evening, I actually started talking. Now this was a while ago, and looking back, probably a HUGE mistake considering the outcome. We talked about my concerns and when my husband joined in on the conversation, we really got her mind working. We spent 5 hours talking to the point where she admitted that she will leave, and told us all her own doubts. I was ecstatic about the immediate results… both in shock and amazement.

    Two days later she approaches me saying that she really didn’t agree with what was said, even though she may have given that impression. I reiterated some of the things mentioned, but her denial was intense and she defended the WT.

    A couple days ago I felt the need to share my personal research on the mis translation of the NWT. Would you believe she actually said that the translators kept the theme of the bible, to worship Jehovah? Basically she justified the translation discrepancies as preserving the theme from the old testament and Jehovah’s name. So let me get this right, the writers were wrong when they wrote the Bible and we are thankful for the society for fixing it?
    She also presumed that I was visiting ‘apostate’ sites. I didn’t deny it, but I did tell her that all the information I had been sharing with her were from old copies of the watchtowers. I only received a response that those were old and not applicable anymore. Same too is her response when I mentioned the false prophecies of the society… she just says that the GB are just men and they were anxious to see the end come. I quoted Deuteronomy about how to recognize a false prophet by their prophecies not coming true, but she just said they didn’t actually use the word “prophesy”.

    I also asked her if the Society taught that Satan had been hurled down to the earth referring to the seventh seal being opened in Revelation. She said yes. I told her I was surprised because I had read revelation twice through recently and a lot is said to have happened before this… which we have not seen yet. Her reply was; “the bible is not written in chronological order”. Are you kidding me?

    Last nights conversation was a complete train wreck where every emotion I have been feeling regarding every stress in my life culminated and I exploded. (I am having my own issues and am realizing I am trying to deal with my anger.) It upsets me that after I had told her all these things, they happily listen to the kingdom melodies and go to meetings as if nothing has happened. I know I shouldn’t expect anything less. I was livid… just lost it really. I did get off some good points that my dad was completely unaware of (proving that my mom didn’t actually talk to him like she said). It was a mess… I was mad at a lot of things.

    My husbands has advised me to let things go and in due time things will turn out. I am sure he is right. I am having a hard time dealing with them and am afraid I have lost the chance to discuss things casually as they come up.

    I guess in the end I wish we hadn’t said anything, which would have given ourselves the upper hand in conversations… but I was so anxious to let them know.
    Anyhoo… anyone here have a similar experience where a family member knows your views? How do you continue discussing it without really discussing it?

    … joyful all day long ( with the exception of these last few days where I feel I have no purpose on this earth) Trying to get past this anger I feel. I gave up every dream I had for the WT. All my extended family rejected me because I was a witness and the witnesses rejected me because I wasn’t a good enough witness. I guess I just felt I needed my mom to understand me… I just feel so alone.

    Thanks for your help and support.

  • Champion
    Champion

    It's a complete roller coaster. You start to think that they get it and then they turn around and start the same old nonsense. I have been dealing with this since finding this site just after my mom died from no blood transfusion 7 years ago yesterday. I get so angry at my dad who is and elder and visits the hospitals to convince JWs to not take blood. sometimes I just shake my head because no one except other JW's would believe how they are.. Then again look at the FDLS women how pathetic is that religion..

  • lilyflor
    lilyflor

    song19,

    when i first came to realize the truth about the "truth" I just let it all out. I let my mom know everything. What the WTS did in regards to the UN, stocks and all the lies the society has taught and continues to teach (blood).

    Of course she was shocked, in her mind they came down a few notches (from infallible to merely men trying their best to please God). However, it did not change her mind about it being Jehovah's organization. She still believes Jehovah has an organization on earth, blah, blah, who is better than the witnesses, blah blah, no one else is preaching yadda yadda. So not much has changed in her eyes about the organization, it still can do no wrong and if it does Jehovah will correct it in his due time

    My "mistake" however, was revealing to her my feelings about the Bible. After taking the JW blinders off, I can not accept the bible as the word of god. So now I have lost all credibility with her. Which makes it difficult for me to "reason from the scriptures" with her, thus I really can't show her the insane "logic" of the WTS. But it was inevitable, I can't live a lie, did that long enough.

    She does not want me to talk to her about god/bible, which is okay because now she needs to respect my wishes that she not talk to my kids about god/bible. so if she keeps her end of the bargain, i'll keep mine.

    lily

  • Awakened at Gilead
    Awakened at Gilead

    Every day with my wife its the same. She just cant see it. Today she saw Russell's info on Wikipedia, but it just confirmed to her that she's in the truth...

    So frustrating that they don't see it!

  • sparrow
    sparrow

    Welcome...

    My old man knows a lot of injustices in committee cases before and after he was an elder and is now just a joe blow publisher. He was also disfellowshipped for remarrying when not "scriptually" divorced.

    I am DF'd and but still talkes to me. He shocks me a while ago by saying he knew about the pyramids measurements with Russel and I think "sweet" I can keep talking to him. A week ago I talked to him for over an hour on the phone about it not being the truth and he still disagrees with me

    Go figure...

  • Annointeds Daughter
    Annointeds Daughter

    Song19:

    Hi! I had a similar experience that I wanted to share with you.

    I have recently found out so many disappointing things about the WT that you can imagine the turmoil that I've had in my head. I've always had a very open communication with my family and when I realized all these lies we've been told, I thought my family will be as shocked as I was with the discoveries and I decided to tell them. I was very surprised with how my sister responded to our conversation. She said she has had her own doubts, that there are things that she just doesn’t believe about the teachings of the WT. When I told her about the UN scandal she was in shock. She said that was the last straw. That she didn't want to place foot in a Kingdom Hall anymore and that she needed my support to tell all of this to our parents. I agreed. We had a conversation with our mother in which my sister and I told her everything we had found out about the WT in less than an hour. Our mother defended the organization in everyway possible, even to the point of making no sense at all. She ended up saying she believed in the WT and period, she didn't need any proof; it was all faith. I now realize our approach wasn't the best. Too much information was given in a way that only put my mom in a defensive position. This only has caused me pain. Especially because after just a couple of days after that conversation, my sister changed her point of view. She decided that she couldn't live without the peace that she felt when she attended meetings at the KH. She didn't want to continue searching for mistakes the WT had made in the past, present or future. She wanted things to stay the way they were. The weeks after that were the worst, because my mother and my sister were going to talk to the elders in our congregation to accuse us of being apostates. We've worked a truce, but it will be very difficult to have casual conversations regarding this topic with them again. They know that we don't believe anymore, but they also know that if they tell the elders they will be forced to shun us. That is what is stopping them.

    It is very sad, and I can share your pain. I've read the book Captives of a Concept by Don Cameron. It is very good because it gives you better ideas on how to approach a hardcore witness and try to make them reason. Too bad I read it after attempting the conversation with my family. However, we should not loose hope. One thing that he says in the book is that "once you ring a bell, it can't be unringed". I hope this proves to be true with our families.

    Best Wishes!

    AD

  • changeling
    changeling

    Everything you are going through is normal and most of us here have been where you are. You are in shock for finding out the "truth about the truth" and are reacting accordingly.

    My advice would be to back off from your family and let the dust settle. It is nearly impossible to talk someone out of the WT. If they are not mentally and emotionally ready there is nothing you can do.

    If you want to preserve and enhance your ties with your family give them time to adjust to the fact that you are no longer an active witness. In time the will probably come to terms with it.

    Be yourself and continue to love your family, if they have any sense at all they will figure out that you are not a threat and will allow themselves to love you in return.

    All the best,

    changeling :)

  • babygirl75
    babygirl75

    I agree completly with Changeling! Just go on with you life and try to be as happy as you can!

    Best wishes!!

    Babygirl....

  • RollerDave
    RollerDave

    A couple aphorisms for you with slight adaptation to the circumstance:

    "A dub convinced against their will, is of the same opinion still"

    and

    "You can lead a dub to reason, but you can't make him think"

    As infuriating as this phenomena is, it is entirely and regrettably normal.

    What you are seeing is 'cognitive dissonance' where you can know or believe contradictory things because your mind simply cannot accept the alternative.

    They talk with you, they see your points and agree, but then in the dark of the night the full horror hits them along with the implications of what they have heard; some people are simply unequipped to contemplate that they are in the Matrix and will readily down the blue pill to return to peaceful, blissful ignorance.

    But, the stuff you have told them will NOT go away, it's down there in the bowels of their mind and will require them to push it down like mental bile every now and again.

    There IS the chance that it will get the better of them some day when their guard is down and they see/experience something that triggers it.

    I remember a Christian I talked to for several hours who tried every conceivable way to bring me out of the tower, and although he made good points that I could see individually; the whole picture was that everything I had ever believed, my whole world view, was WRONG and I simply couldn't go there.

    I remember his frustration when he would go through it all only to have me say it didn't matter because I "knew" I had "the truth."

    However; years later, these points kept popping up in my mind. It's like that guy was IN MY HEAD nagging me saying "see, that's what I was saying!"

    So, keep hope, keep the peace so you can still plant a seed or two, and wait them out. The more 'normal' and 'reasonable' you seem to them, the harder it will be to push down the mental bile they find themselves fighting.

    RD

  • LovesDubs
    LovesDubs

    Fear....nothing to fear but fear itself. And JWs fear deeply. Think of all the fear they instilled in us? Fear of Jehovahs wrath! Fear of losing favor with Jehovah! Fear of losing your friends, your siblings your parents if you DARE to question the almighty tower! Fear of the earth opening up and swallowing us like the pictures in our books. Fear that maybe just MAYBE the Jehovahs Witnesses ARE what they say and ARE the TRUTH and Jehovah DOES think they are his people and you MIGHT get locked out of the ark and and and.... fear.

    My mother in law, I swear to God, wouldnt change the brand of her toilet paper without consulting the bound volumes first and we joke about that now that she is out. So UTTERLY controlled was she and NO amount of cajoling and reasoning would break her stand, firmly in defense of the Tower. Even if what they believe makes NO sense...she would concede that the men running it arent perfect, they have more and more light to make things better and clearer from GOD himself...you know the drill.

    So back off and sit tight. Sister already knows too much and its the fear of change that is keeping her there. But the more she hears at the hall, the more the internal crisis and turmoil will take over her. She is not hearing through the same set of facts any more. Her JW filters are corrupted by reality.

    Stay cool...live your life....wait out the storm.

    LD

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