I know it's been a while but I am on track again. So here is the next installment in the series.
For previous sections of this series go to: Take Back Your Life
Take Back Your Life: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships by Janja Lalich and Madeleine Tobias (soon to be released)
Take Back Your Life: Chapter 6: Taking Back Your Mind
When I was a JW and for many years after I left, I would have denied that I had been in a cult. And since I had not been in a cult, I could not possibly be affected by having lived in a cult. In fact, I blamed all of my problems on the abuse that preceded my mother’s involvement with the WTS. Abuses that occurred after she started studying were nothing more than a continuation of the general insanity and dysfunction of my family: child sexual abuse, physical abuse, attempted murder (of my mother by my father that I had witnessed). Later, when my elder/husband abused our two children and me, I attributed the abuse to personal factors rather than abuse supported and even encouraged by the WTS.
With all the abuse in my past it was hard to identify the spiritual abuse perpetrated by the WTS. Certainly having access to the internet helped me immensely to realize this other form of abuse. I know many people hate the “victim” label. My personal belief is that we cannot deal with an issue if we fail to identify it first. If I seriously hurt my arm and fail to see a doctor to confirm how bad the damage is, I run the risk of failing to heal correctly. If the doctor tells me my arm is broken and needs to be set in a cast for a while I could refuse the diagnosis but that won’t improve the problem with my arm.
The mind is similar. We need to identify the damage and then take action to repair it. Denial of the control mechanisms of the WTS will do nothing to help free us from the controls that were imposed on us. The remedy for denial is information. We need to heal from the past but we also need to know what to look for so we don’t fall into a similar trap.
Chapter 6 outlines the steps to recover. The first step is to leave.. Then you need to acknowledge that you were in fact, in a cult. I think, for many, the realization that we were in a cult comes much later. There are several issues we need to examine.
- The Cloud of Indecision
- The Barrier of “Loaded” Language
- “Floating” and other Altered States
- The distress of Memory Loss
- The Disruption of Obsessional Thoughts
- The Poverty of Black-and-White Thinking
- The Role of Cognitive Distortion
The Cloud of Indecision
It isn’t surprising that people who have come out of cults have difficulty making decisions. In any high control group almost all decisions are made for them by the leadership. Even small mistakes, independent thinking or behavior is often punished. Threats of expulsion and shunning are used to maintain control. Never having developed real decision-making skills the newly exited person may have difficulty learned how to decide even minor issues.
The Barrier of “Loaded” Language
In Lifton’s characteristics of cults he explains the “loaded language” used by cults. This loaded language redefines words to have specific meanings within the group. Group terminology is used to identify active group members who will be up-to-date on the newest terminology. The special terminology has a great impact on communication and even thinking ability.
People often continue to use these terms outside of the group and this can create problems for the individual. Page 94 of the book states:
This “loaded” language interferes with the ability to think independently and critically and creates barriers to communication with others. Sometimes when a former member unexpectantly encounters the cult’s language, she or he may dissociate or experience a variety of feeling: confusion, anxiety, terror, guilt, shame, or rage.
Finding constructive ways to communicate outside the group without the group terminology can help a person to be more comfortable outside the group.
Many ex-members find that it is hard to focus their attention on one thing for long periods of time. The simplistic language in the group’s literature can have a large impact on a person’s ability to comprehend the written word outside of the group. Various tasks can help overcome some of these problems.
- Get a good dictionary and use it
- Crossword puzzles
- Reading the newspaper and a variety of books
- Watching movies, TV
- Listening to talk radio
- Returning to school
- A course or website on critical thinking
People may experience difficulty concentrating. It is common phenomenon that can limit the attention span to one or two pages. Just think of reading those incredibly boring and oft repeated WT studies. They don’t require a lot of real thinking skills.. It can be hard to turn the brain back on and get away from the canned responses of the WT literature. But like many things, with practice it will get better. (p 94-96)
“Floating” and other Altered States
It is common for people to experience a form of dissociation called “floating”, “spacing out”, or “trancing out”. Very often they are floating back and forth from the real self to the cult self. UMBs may see this phenomenon in their spouses. It can be frustrating to try to talk to some one whose cult self is in control rather than the real self. Recently someone posted about watching someone they cared about turn into a child right before them. This is the cult self, obedient and loyal to the org. Like many children they have poorly developed thinking skills.
Learning to recognize this floating sensation is an important part of recovery. We need to be able to access that thinking part of our brain. The loaded language WT thought-stopping phrases can trigger floating experiences. Recognizing them can help limit this floating experience.
Dissociation is a normal experience. Everyone does it. Daydreaming, for example, is a normal dissociative experience. So is highway hypnosis. (The experience of going home after being out and not thinking about how you are getting there – where to turn, what streets to go down, etc.) The problem with dissociation is that cults use this to create the cult personality. And it is this cult personality that the WTS controls.
You can recognize this dissociative experience several ways:
- Feeling disconnected from your surroundings
- Concentration is difficult and frustrating
- Short attention span making even simple tasks difficult
- Difficulty making decisions (especially difficult when you have been trained to accept blindly
- Panic or anxiety attacks
- Questioning decisions made (p 96-97)
The Disruption of Obsessional Thoughts
Already prone to much self-doubt as they leave the group, former cult members easily fall prey to obsessional thoughts. I know I experienced many “What if they are right?”, “What if the end comes” kinds of thinking. For a long time there was a lot of fear of being “caught” breaking one of their rules. Some people experience just emotional anxiety and fears but they are unsure what triggers them..
Many people find it helpful to examine what was happening around them just before the anxieties or fears started. Educating oneself about the group and realizing they have no special connection to God can help diminish fears and anxieties. (p 99-100)
The Poverty of Black-and-White Thinking
Any controlling group or person has a need to set up rules (called “principles” by the WTS) to control members. Everything is polarized – black vs. white, good vs. evil, right vs. wrong, us vs. them. Members develop a false sense of security by the rules. But after they leave the group it is essential to begin to see not just the grays but also all the colors of the rainbow.
It is common for people who have just left the group to reject all the rules and swing to the other extreme, trying out a bit of everything. Naturally this can create many new issues. This is simply substituting one set of unhealthy set of rules for another. Asking oneself questions may help to decide which actions will help you the most. (p. 100-101)
Questions like:
- Where is this on the gray scale (between black and white)?
- Is this something I really want to do or am I simply reacting to dumping the old set of rules?
- What can I expect will be the final result? And is that the result I want?
- How can I create a set of beliefs and values that reflect the kind of person I want to be?
The Role of Cognitive Distortion
Cognitive therapists believe it is helpful for people to examine the distortions in beliefs that are common especially in ex-cult members. What we think can have a strong effect on how we feel about things. The book discusses 19 cognitive distortions that are common in post-cult recovery.
- All-or-nothing thinking: Cults teach black-and-white thinking, such as “Everyone outside the group is controlled by Satan or is evil,” “The leader is God and cannot make mistakes,” “You must always strive for perfection in order to reach the group’s goal.” Such thinking stifles personal growth and keeps a person pitted against the rest of the world.
- Overgeneralization: Simply making one mistake can cause a person to leap to the conclusion that thr group’s predictions about dire consequences for those who leave are indeed coming true. Former members often have difficulty allowing themselves to make mistakes without hearing criticisms in their head. Reviewing actions at the end of the day, no matter how simple, can help counterbalance the internal cult “chatter.”
- Mental filter: Cults teach people to dwell on their mistakes and weaknesses. In many cults each day’s activities are reviewed, with concentration placed on any “sins” or wrong-doing. All thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are cause for criticism, prayer, and repenting. After such training, a person may obsess about a small mistake and lose sight of the positive things that are happening. Anything negative becomes a focus that filters out anything else.
- Disqualifying the positive: One means of cult control is to not allow members to take pride in their achievements. All that is good comes from the Master, while members are made to feel stupid and inadequate. Making lists of personal strengths and accomplishments may counteract this reaction.
- Jumping to conclusions: There are two forms of coming to a negative conclusion, which are probably familiar to ex-members:
- Mind reading: Those who were in New Age or eastern cults may have been led to believe that mind reading is real. This belief is used to make assumptions about others. Doing the same now may be counterproductive. Don’t jump to conclusions about another person’s actions or attitudes. Don’t substitute assumptions for real communication.
- Fortune- telling: Cults predict the failure of their critics, dissenters, and those who leave. Former members sometimes believe that depression, worry, or illness is sure to hound them (and their family) forever. Remember, such phobias and distortions have nothing to do with reality but have been instilled by the cult.
Like any negative habit these 10 distortions can be identified and changed. (p. 101-103)