the JW approach to sexual abuse

spopeislandstyle

I was molested by a brother in my congregation when I was nine years old. When I told my mother she went directly to a family friend and respected elder to seek advise. A couple days later, he and another elder made a visit to our home and questioned me for hours. I remember feeling like they were trying to convince me that maybe it was a dream or that I misunderstood what was happening. After that meeting there was yet another meeting in the conference room at the Kindom Hall with several elders where I had to, once again, describe in detail what happened to me. In the end, my mother was encouraged not to go to police and they convinced her that the matter would be resolved within the church. He was DF'd. As far as I know...it went no further than that. Later he was tried and put in jail for one year only because his daughter, who had also been molested by him also, went to the police. I don't think he was sentanced with my molestation considering I never spoke to any police. I don't think they even knew about me.

I am wondering if anyone else has had or heard of a similar experience? Is this attitude towards child abuse common or is my case unique? I am angry that he wasn't held responsible for what he did to me. To add to the anger, I found out about a year ago that my brother was also one of his victims. It makes me sick. Sure...he was disfellowshiped. But, he wasn't banned from the cong., he was stilled allowed to attend, he was still allowed to be around me. We had to change our congregation so that i wouldn't have to face him three days a week. And he was reinstated right after he was released from prison.

He is now still a member of that congregation and continues to have bible studies at his home. He still gives the children candy after church and has the kids from the church over for pizza and movies on saturdays after service. It makes me sick!

TheEdge

Welcome spopeislandstyle

Am really sorry to hear about your story - I do think this is more common than we realise, good for you for speaking up about what happened to you!!

You say your brother has served time yet is still ''entertaining'' children at his home? Are the Congergation aware of his conviction........Especially the mothers of those children? I would want to know if my child was in the company of a convicted paedophile. How do you feel about this?

the_classicist

Salutations to spopeislandstyle.

First of all... well I suppose words can never make you feel better about such things, so I won't try (especially since I'm not good at words).

But what I can tell you is yes, it is very common. There are several close relatives in my family who were abused by a paedophile (who was also in the family, rather horrible, and who was a JW too -- given the chance I think I'd have him "taken care of" if you know what I mean). The "Elders" of the congregation typically do not call the police in to investigate, probably because they're on secret orders not to from Brooklyn (this is my theory, or maybe they don't want to "bring reproach upon Jehovah's name" by having a JW arrested and tried). He was disfellowshipped too, but it was because there were more than two victims (usually they don't disfellowship without two witnesses to what happened). But the Judicial Committee didn't call the police. Last I heard, he married a women who couldn't speak English and had another daughter who "acted strangely." The police got involved, but the Crown decided not to prosecute because the case was more than 10 years old. As far as I know, he never got involved with the Jehovah's Witnesses again, though.

If you wish to be proactive about this individual, I would suggest getting a copy of his criminal record and post it to all the people in the congregation (like on winsheilds, or get the congregation address list and send it to each person; which you can do anonymously). If that doesn't sufficiently ostracize him... I could think of more ways to make this individual's life a living hell. He, and the rest of those paedophiles, should spend the rest of their lives in the desert, fasting, asking for forgiveness.

Anyway... Welcome to the Board!

The Classicist

PS. I don't know if it's legal to make public someone's criminal record, although I can think of many more ways to destroy a person's, like this one's, life.

tonyend

You weren't/aren't alone: http://www.silentlambs.org/

pr_capone

You are definately among people who have been through similar experiances and can empathise with you.

Welcome to the forum and I hope you enjoy your stay here.

If you have any questions at all as to how to work anything board or just general computer related items, please feel free to PM me or any of the forum admins.

Kansas District Overbeer

clementine

welcome on the board spopeislandstyle! thanks for sharing this with us, i suppose it was not easy. i'm sure you're not alone in this case as sexual abuses in congragations is one of the famous subjects that are studied on ex-JWs'sites. don't be afraid of talking about that with us, if it can help you to live this!!!

peggy

I would STRONGLY consider a CIVIL LAWSUIT!

JustTickledPink

Have you spoken to the authorities now? Why can't you go ahead and prosecute now, you are older, you have witnesses to his offenses, the elders and I would suggest you talk to a lawyer about getting the records that pertain to his DF'ing. If they harbored a criminal, especially a pedophile this needs to come out.

Sadly, you aren't alone. I'm so sorry to hear about this. I truly am. I work in a law enforcement field (not an Officer) and when I hear of things like this it makes me sick. It's sad that the elders didn't give you the help than a stranger (police officer) would have given you, when the elders are in charge of taking care of the congregation.

Check out silent lambs website. I hope you find some answers there.

wanderlustguy

Welcome to the board. You will very quickly realize you are not alone, and in fact will come to see there is nothing wrong with YOU, but there is very much wrong with any organization that would allow something like this to happen to a child without the full repercussions being brought to bear on the offfender. The more I hear about this the more I want to do something about it, I just haven't figured out what yet.

I grew up with a pedophile for a father, and was told the entire time by the cong that my mother was the bad person b/c she didn't go to meetings and I should "strive" to be like my father. Makes me sick looking back. The worst part is all the bad things I did to myself acting out my rage against them after I figured things out.

Just remember it's not your fault. Congratulations on finding this website, it helps a lot.

W

spopeislandstyle

thank you for all of your comments....its really nice to know that this way of dealing with abuse isn't just unique to me. I should clarify though that it wasn't MY brother who molested me....it was a brother in the congregation. Although my own brother was one of his victims, and who knows how many other children were hurt by him.

I have tried to shove these thoughts out of my mind and I haven't really considered prosecuting him until now. My mother holds a lot of guilt now for allowing things to go the way they did. She was brainwashed by these people. They found her during her darkest times and made her feel like they cared for her. It's been years since she herself stopped attending meetings but she is still deeply commited to "Jehovah's ways".

I hope that I will be able to find this man and prosecute him.

By the way....i should start here and now. This man's name is Tony Padilla. The last I knew, he was a member of the Glen Cove Congregation in Vallejo, CA. If anyone knows this man, I want you to know his dark past and maybe even his present and future. He is sick. He seduces children with candy, toys, and money. I came from a dirt poor family and he took us in and took us out to eat, gave us snickers candy bars, bought us movies, etc. He made me feel like I owed him somthing and he knew that...i feel like that was the goal. He would smile at me, hug me, tell me how cute i was....he made me feel like the luckiest kid to have this nice rich guy like me so much. Then he molested me...several times...during naptime, in the back of his truck on the way to disneyland, while i took a bath, etc. I couldn't tell anyone because if I did, he would be mad, my mom would be mad, the church would be mad. This man will trap your child and feed these emotions into him or her.

He got no punishment at all. He was disfellowshiped for a short amount of time and then reinstated. I never got counceling, never got an encouraging word from the elders, never a hug, never said they were sorry for what happened to me. I hate them for that.

There are so many other things that happened in my childhood that has an affect on me still that I blame on JW's. I know how they can brainwash their believers...I was once totally dedicated to being a JW. I went to bible study, I listened, I underlined, I participated. I went to service every Saturday morning. I was faithful to them for most of my life and I have gotten nothing in return from them. The women would talk about my mom behind her back all the time. They would'nt let their kids hang out with me becuase my mom was a single mom and that meant that I must be a bad influence. They weren't there when we really needed them.

I am angry and I am happy that I have finally found somewhere that I can share my feelings. Thank you guys for that.

the JW approach to sexual abuse

Share this