What is written below - I wrote many years ago. I am now posting it for your entertainment.
I read through part of it prior to posting... it is long.
6-29-92
To whom it may concern...
I'm not normally one to put anything down to paper, but I need to let someone (something) know... so here goes.
My wife, Rainey just got back from another District Assembly that is held annually... usually in Houston. She brought back tales of who she saw there, and who she talked with.
She saw, and talked with an old girl-friend of mine that we both knew way back when. She evidently had a long discussion with her... not sure about what, but that is a story for another time.
What I need to write about now deals with how I feel. Something I am not known to discuss very often, so please don't stop or interrupt me.
Many moons ago, I was one of Jehovah's Witnesses. In November of 1976, when I was over 21, I left home. I moved into a small cottage. I also changed congregations, and began attending meetings where my current wife attended. At first I wasn't interested in this girl, as my aspirations were at that time to move to New York. I didn't want to develop any interests in any girls. Later, I started liking her, and probably had feelings of love (or at least a crush) for her. It has been so long ago, I can't be sure now. As for her, she gave me the old 'I just want to be friends' line that I've heard so many times from many girls, as I'm sure many a single guy has. It hurt. Being new at this game, and since my only male-mentor whilst growing up was Mr. Spock from Star-Trek, the only thing that I knew to do was to destroy all the feelings of love that I felt towards this girl Rainey. I also think that my Mr. Spock approach to many things blew her away. Rainey didn't know how to deal with logic. (She never has.) She probably just thought I was weird. Like so many others. She wasn't the first... Rella Lee, sweet Rella, whom I suppose I mistreated...; Rhonda Weaver... who used me to get the attention she was craving...; Nola Young, who disappeared... literally; Cheryl Davis, a very gorgeous very tall brunette with haunting green eyes... the timing was wrong; Nelda Allen, another who 'just wanted to be friends'; JoHanna LaVoie, another sweet girl who wanted more than friendship, but never got it; and lastly, the girl at the Mini-Mart in Marble Falls (who's name I cannot remember)... another 'just friends' frustrating experience. But I digress...
Running in parallel, I had decided to go to a local junior college (San Antonio College) and take some courses in programming. Working with computers (or playing, as I like to call it), is something that I had wanted to do for a long time... and now I was able to take a few courses and educate myself in this field. After all, I had already started building my very own micro-computer... something that only nerd-ish people did before computers became fashionable.
While attending this college, I happened upon a gal (Jamie Spears) that was a friend from way back. We were only good friends... she was a knockout, but... well, she was the type that wouldn't even consider a nerd like myself... so she wasn't even an option to consider. However, she was at a table in the snack area, where she introduced me to all of her friends and invited me to sit with them. One of these was Laurie Stiner. A very nice girl. Being slightly introverted, and backwards, I mumbled my greetings, and sat down at the table... very ill at ease around so many females.
Well, things progressed, and the gathering at the 'round table' as it were, became a regular occurrence. Sometimes not all individuals were able to make it, but those that did, socialized... discussing classes, assignments, doing homework, etc.
Laurie was a girl of somewhat large-ish proportions... I suppose by many others' standards, but I don't think I let it affect me too much. She was average height, 5' 7", medium to light brown hair, light brown eyes, a most beautiful smile that usually preceded a most infectious laugh and very shapely legs.
Laurie and myself hit it off well,... perhaps too well. I didn't consider dating her, as my religion did not permit things of this nature between people who weren't members of the same religion (I.E. who weren't Witnesses).
As you may have guessed by now, Laurie was in love with me, and I guess I also was in love with her, although at the time I didn't think so. (We're talking about a guy who was a bit confused and wasn't sure what real love was... or felt like). It was interesting to see how Laurie reacted to my Mr. Spock approach to things. She, if I remember correctly, just accepted my gibberish... or at least didn't show any signs of total confusion (as did Rainey).
One event that I remember... I'm not sure where in time it needs to be placed, was when Laurie invited me over to her house to meet her folks. I believe it was around Thanksgiving time... but I could be wrong. Laurie had planned this great dinner where I was to come over and meet her family. I went over... (we're talking about a fella who cringes, around other adults) and had a very nice meal that she had (with the help of her mom) prepared, and of which she was proud. She was, after all, trying to show me what a good cook she was (...and she was). Her father was there to sort of make me feel more at ease... although I think he was more ill-at-ease than myself. He and Laurie's mom had recently gotten separated, and the atmosphere was a bit charged... if not explosive. We all made it thru that ordeal, somehow, and I was able to meet her mom, dad, sister, and pets.
I, in my attempts to discourage (and possibly test) Laurie, did many things... one of my favorite haunts at that time was the Dunkin' Donuts where I could get coffee, soup, bread, and a donut all for just over a dollar. A very princely meal for a pauper such as myself at that time. I decided one day while at SAC to go have lunch at Dunkin's (walking there, of course... about 5 ? 10 blocks). I asked Laurie if she wanted to go with me. I considered this a test... as most, if not all other girls would have 'gracefully declined' such an invitation. To my surprise however, she said "Sure!", and off we went, walking the three or four blocks to the Dunkin' Donut shop.
Laurie was a fun girl to be with. We had many memorable experiences together... just being pals. I remember that I had moved into a mobile home, while barely being able to afford it. One Sunday, I went to the meeting, and she showed up there 'visiting' her girl-friend Jamie. I very quickly left after the meeting, so as to avoid any possible problems. After all Laurie was there to visit Jamie, right? Laurie found out where I was living, and dropped by to visit me, and to see my new home where I was staying. It actually felt nice having someone visit. No one ever did that for me. Not even Rainey who at that time was still 'Trying to discourage' me. Right. I don't think I'll ever forgive that type of behavior on her part. In fact, I don't believe that Rainey even knew where I lived.
I eventually dropped out of the local radio announcer scene which wasn't bad pay... there just weren't enough hours to keep my rent paid and me fed at the same time. I 'played' carpenter for a couple of weeks (in 1978). This was the most work I've _ever_ done. I was making money... but it was hard. I eventually started looking for radio work again. This time, I was looking out of the city. Smaller markets. Eventually, through a weird connection in Brady, TX, I got a call from a Mr. Bill Edgar, a radio station manager in Burnet, TX, 90 miles North of San Antonio on US 281. I went to talk to him a couple of days later and was hired as a radio announcer/assistant-engineer/sales-guy/janitor.
I suppose this is where things start to get a bit... revealing? While employed at the radio station in Burnet (KHLB), I worked weekdays. The weekends, for the most part, were mine. I was free to do whatever. Since Burnet is a small hick town (population of 3000) that rolled up the sidewalks at 5pm, I eventually wound up going South the 90 miles to San Antonio to visit Laurie. I remember spending a few nights on their couch in the living room. I've slept on worse.
The December holidays of 1978 marked a turning point in our relationship. Laurie was out of school for the holidays, and wanted to get away from everything. She invited herself up to visit me in Burnet. What this involved, was that I had to go down to San Antonio and pick her and her baggage up and take her back up with me to Burnet. It was cold that winter. One of the coldest that I've ever seen. I owned a 1972 light blue Volkswagen Beetle at the time. The heater didn't work on it, and the 90 mile trip was long... and cold. Laurie had a blanket she brought with her that she wrapped around her to keep warm.
It was still daylight when we got to Burnet. I took Laurie to see all of the sights. Marble Falls, Buchannan Dam, etc. We then went to my apartment. She laid face down on my bed, and I volunteered to give her a back massage. She didn't refuse, and so I got onto the bed astraddle her. I never had given a girl a back massage before, and I couldn't believe that a girl would allow me to do so. But Laurie was different. I felt different around her. She even took off her pull-over sweater top while she lay on her stomach. I was massaging her back (which she was enjoying), but her bra strap was getting in the way. Really. I made a remark about it being in the way and then proceeded to try to undo it, fully expecting to get belted in the mouth with her fist, or slapped or something. After all, my previous experiences with girls hadn't been too memorable. However, to my surprise (and further excitement) she let me fumble a bit before she reached around and undid the back hooks herself. I was really excited by this time. Here was, not only a beautiful girl, but a beautiful girl on my bed with her bra undone. Of course, I went back to massaging her back. She had very soft and supple skin. I didn't see her breasts... at this time. After all, I was _only_ giving her a back massage.
I guess I hadn't thought the arrangement all the way through, because I didn't realize that while Laurie was visiting me in Burnet, she would be staying with me... in my apartment. I think though that Laurie had thought it through, and knew exactly what she was doing. Or did she? Anyway, that night I was a bit bum-fuzzled... I got into bed, under the covers... and she came to bed, from the bathroom, where she had changed, into a long red and white flannel nightgown. I'll remember that nightgown forever. It had a little red bow at the neckline that somehow fell off that night. I kept it as a memento... for a while.
She got into bed, and I was nervous. I hadn't actually been with a girl... much less had one in my bed (or any bed) before. Let's change that to _extremely_ nervous. And having thoughts. Like I shouldn't be doing this. I don't think I got much sleep that night. We 'felt' each other. I'd never known what a girl felt like before. They were different. She was somewhat warm and moist with a strong musky smell. Of course, I was very hard, and a bit wet myself. She was feeling me as much as I was feeling her. I don't remember, but I think I _did_ feel her breasts, very large and full. Soft to the touch. But I don't think I saw them. Not yet.
The next day I had to get up very early as usual and go to work. Partly because I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, and partly because I was feeling my world fall apart around me (due to my religious upbringing), I was in a very hazy daze. Things happened, but it was like I was in a dreamlike state. Laurie got up later, and I went and picked her up and brought her to where I worked. I was doing a morning shift, followed by a three or four hour relief, and then another two or three hours of air time. I brought Laurie in to the radio station during this break. I introduced her to the staff that was at the station at the time. I later went back on the air, and overheard her talking to Jane the receptionist, telling her about staying the night at my apartment. I just wanted to go thru the floor! I really didn't want anyone to know.
Well, we kicked around Burnet all day, I showed Laurie the sights... again, and night came again. I had been disturbed about her staying... and our sharing the same bed, so that night I made it known to her that I felt it would be better if I slept on the couch. I gave all of my religious reasons why I shouldn't have done what I did, along with a book for her to read, and how I felt it better if I took her home the next day. She was hurt... and felt badly. She insisted that _she_ sleep on the couch. I wouldn't hear of that, however, after all, I was a gentleman... right? We finally compromised(?) and after much coaxing and reassuring from Laurie, we both again shared the bed (we slept at extreme opposite sides). Only we didn't play around this night. The atmosphere was very tense. I don't think either of us slept very well that night either. It wasn't for the same reason as the previous night, however.
The next day, after I got off work, I packed her into my Volkswagen and headed South for San Antonio. It a was bitterly cold day this day in December. The drive was long and uneasily quiet. We were both lost in our own thoughts. Her college vacation had been very short, and ruined.