I have realized that there are some misunderstandings regarding the circumstances of my leaving the WTS.
I'll give a brief review… I was raised as a third generation JW and submerged underwater in a ritual called “baptism” in 1991. All of my family, and almost all of my extended family are in the WTS. My mother claims to be of the anointed, my grandfather clamed to be of the anointed, my dad is an elder, and my other granddad is an elder who has spent considerable time as PO. My family was the “model” JW family. We were used in assembly parts, even photographed for newspaper articles.
When I left the WTS I was 25 years old. I sent the elders a letter of disassociation ( http://12.239.160.163/elsewhere/Disassociate.doc) and told my family and best friend. They were all shocked, but new that I had been drifting for at least a year. I told them that I was an atheist and did not believe in god or the supernatural.
Here is where the confusion seems to be. People think that the WTS “burned” me; that they did something that made me angry with their god or that something bad happened to me. This is not true. When I left the WTS, I thought that it was a very good organization full of very good people. I spoke very highly of them when the subject came up. I even encouraged people to seek out JWs if they were interested in the bible or spiritual matters. I, on the other hand, just didn’t believe in god.
I literally struggled with the concept of god and the supernatural all my life, for as long as I can remember. Some of my earliest memories are of this. For years I tried the suggestions of praying and forming a “personal relationship with god”.
From time to time people tell me that I just didn’t try hard enough or that I was doing something wrong. I can’t accept that. I struggled for years… literally struggled with passion and full commitment to the point of tears trying to “feel” this god or form a “personal relationship” with it, anything. I did this all my life, year after year. The result: Nothing.
People say I should try again without fully understanding what I went through.
Now regarding why I don’t like the WTS. It wasn’t until a year or so after I left the WTS and started interacting with people outside the organization that I started to learn some things. It was OK to talk to people about things, even when we disagreed. It was OK for me to express ideas that differed from my friends and other people I was around. It was OK to express love and concern for anyone – not just a person in a certain organization (in my book handing out literature does not count as “love and concern”). It was OK for me to go to any web site I wanted or read any book I wanted. It was OK to tell someone “Happy birthday” or “Happy holidays” (one doesn’t have to believe in god to appreciate the benefits of the holidays).
When I DAed myself, I was “in good standing”. At first when I left I never spoke ill of the JWs or the Organization. Even still, I was shunned. I had dared to leave. I had dared to disagree with them. I tried to explain to them (elders, family and friends) that just because I disagreed with them that it didn’t mean that I didn’t love them or care about them. I told them they were free to disagree with me and beyond that we could get along just fine. I wanted to coexist with them. I wanted to be able to have ideas that were different from theirs, and they to have ideas different from mine. All I asked was for us to mutually respect each other. They refused. It was their way or no way.
It wasn’t until this started to happen that I started to dislike them. I started reading and talking to people, it was then that I started to realize just how messed up the WTS was. It wasn’t until I saw the organization from the outside that I saw the harm it was causing. That is when I started to hate the organization.
"As every one knows, there are mistakes in the Bible" - The Watchtower, April 15, 1928, p. 126
Believe in yourself, not mythology.
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