In September of 1997 I met her.
Do something for me. Close your eyes, and epitomise beauty. There, now you see her.
Water Goddess (as you guys know her) was just a beautiful girl out of my reach in September 1997. She had just been out of the hospital, and seemed a little down. I started talking to her to cheer her up, although I knew I had no chance with her. I'm one of those few people who actually like to help people without getting anything in return---my mom's like that too.
Well, an important player in my Apostasy is my former best friend, who will herein be referred to as FBF.
FBF had his eyes on WaterGoddess for a long time. He always told me how pretty she was, how spiritual she was, how chaste she was, etc. So, I had no problem, seeing how much he liked her, to tag along on a little service 'date' with another girl, FBF and WaterGoddess.
The service date went well, but it was obvious she didn't fancy the FBF fellow too much. He was disappointed but decided to press on with it, because he is the type of fellow who never received no for an answer.
The months pressed on, and I gave her my book of poems that I had written. FBF slowly faded away until he was told in no uncertain terms by her to stay away (by myself as a messenger...I don't think he was too keen on that). Then another friend of mine moved in on her. He too was tossed to the wind. But, WaterGoddess chose to still see me--goofy, non-MS material Ashi, who wrote poetry, told 'suggestive' jokes, and actually cared about people, instead of theocratically doing so.
Well, of course, in Feb of 1998 we started dating, much to the dismay of her parents. She was still seventeen, and I was eight months older (they THOUGHT I was 24).
We were absolutely mad for each other, the way it should be with young couples. It was a terrible time, though, because her parents are the worst that the JW's have wrought.
Example: Because a friend wrote about angels in his poetry, they called him demonic. Because I wrote poetry, they showed her scriptures of why I wasn't a spiritual man. They called me ugly, they called me unsuccessful.
I went to unassigned territory in March 1998, in West Virginia and Kentucky. It was beautiful country, and all of the non-service memories are wonderful. It was there, though, where I was supposed to be a kind of missionary, helping people in need, that I felt worst about this religion.
All we did was thrust magazines into poor people's hands, and they'd look at us with incredulity. Frankly, they probably were grateful that they had something to put next to the can when the toilet paper ran out.
Good people cried to us, telling us of them being poor but working all the time. FBF quickly glazed over "that personal stuff" as he put it, and "brought it back to the bible."
In my mind I thought at the time, well, the bible is about love foremost (at least my opinion of it), so why not just listen and try to help these unfortuante people with love instead of doctrine.
When I suggested how fruitless it was for us to be in another state offering no help to these people, every one was uncomfortable. I repeated the query, wondering out loud why we couldn't ACTUALLY HELP people, instead of coldly tossing literature at them.
The only thing we were doing was making fun of the ramshakle shacks and decrepit homes as we passed them on almost unpassable dirt roads. It made me sick.
When we returned, I was met with Water's Parent's accusation that I only went to unassigned territory to impress them. I made it a point to not go in service after that. I thought that going to unassigned territory was going to lift me up again, help me see that there was a point to the ministry, but there wasn't.
Time passed, and the future in-laws got worse. It was apparent now that they had a terrible stranglehold on my lover. When she wanted to get a job outside of the house, they quoted scripture, and told her it was unspiritual for a lady to be working. They said she should be pioneering and going to school. They told her that I was a bad match for her, and that poetry was nothing compared to stability.
They had people from all over call and dissuade her from dating me, elders always approached her as if they were just going to say hello, and say they heard some disturbing things about me.
They said things like, "We're your parents, so you have to listen to us even after you get married, so you should listen even more so now. That's what the scriptures say."
JW scripture, of course.
The summer months passed in agony, because Water's parents were getting worse, spreading rumors about me and opposing anything I did.
I unearthed some terrible secrets which I can't say on this forum, but they'd be enough to break anyone's heart. I truly wish my beautiful Water Goddess had a differnt set of parents.
Towards the end of summer I bought the engagement ring. Water was eighteen now, and I was a real pisser. I didn't care what happened to her parents.
Water had twice tried to escape, literally, and her parents had prevented her. They had such a horrible stranglehold mentally on her, they loved to use scripture and JW doctrine to back them up--only you who were chained like that would understand what I'm talking about.
I gave her the ring in August, 1998. I managed to go over the parents house, steal her away for a few minutes and give her the ring. It was a beautiful moment, probably the last one for a few months. When we got back, her parents were devastated and her father took me for a walk. He quoted scripture and tried to scare me into taking the ring back.
"I promised myself to listen to no man, because in my eyes, no man is wise, especially those who think they are."
I think that's the last time her parents talked to me semi-civilly.
It happened in September 1998----her parents demanded she give the ring back to me and that we don't see each other again. Well, that was enough for her.
Sitting in a meetting five days later, she whispered in my ear, "Let's get married next week."
I thought my innards were going to spill out all over the floor. It was the greatest sinking feeling I have gotten since birth. I wanted to string a rope on the rafters and toss things at people. I was happiness personified.
Her parents were going away so I got to work. I planned every moment of them being away until they returned. I planned a great photographer, a wedding, a reception, prayers in a garden. It was my greatest plan, because only five other people knew about it until two days before the wedding.
Secrecy was key because so many people would send it crashing down if they knew. These people are crazy enough to call the cops and say we were stealing something from the house when I was moving her out, or a vandal, or that we were trying to kidnap the brothers, etc. Her old congregation is a bunch of Witness die-hards who just LOVE theocratic warfare.
Well, the day came, and we got married, WITHOUT her parents there. Two days before they had arrived home to a note telling them they weren't invited because of their behavior.
I was a beautiful ceremony, just a wonderful day all around. A lot of people from my congregation came and gave things, but none from hers did, because they weren't invited.
That's when we became marked I think. It didn't really matter to me. I had the woman I loved on my arm, and she was away from her abusive parents, away from a congregation that controlled her.
Then all congregations turned on us, after what happened to my friend.
MF's story....
In the next installment.
ashi
p.s.-i needed to tell this part of the story because this is where or 'marked' status began. After that it was all downhill. The real scandals happen after this.