Journal of a JW - Part 1 of 5

Nosferatu

Jan.11/93

Dear Journel,

This is my first official entry into this thing. I tried once before but it didn't work. My day today was the pits. I tried to help others but only one appreciated it , one accused me of stealing, others gave me problems concerning my wadding This end up getting me angery, which I promised myself I wouldn't. All in all it was quite a mixed day. I realize my temper is going to get my into real trouble on of these days but those people realy got to me in the end. I have alot of work to do my temper before I'm throught.

On to more emberrising things. On Sunday I talked to Br. Code about my lack of comments at the meetings. He said that he was glad I came to him ,after he gave my some suggestions for me start off with then concluded by telling me he would talk to the brother in charge of the Watchtower meeing. I'm glad I finaly did it so I can get the help I need so desperatly. I'm doing all this because I'm determinded not to go back to Lansdowne territory,which I have been concidering doing lately. How knows I might yet but not for the moment.

Dear Journel,

There are times when I feel that I have things all rapped up at work and then there are days like the way they have been the past month that realy make you wonder. Every day I go to work wondering if they are going to fire me that day. The fear is always there, to go to work and stay home and worry, constantly worrying. I go to work ,try to do the best I can only to have a machine that doesn't work and get blamed for it breaking, then you get it working, only to have it break on you again. The boss , neding the important order in a hurry, finds it still on the machine that you claimed you fixed. This is after he voluntered to try to fix it and now wont touch it. A very trying situation at best.There are many things I want to type in here after I put it all away, the desperation, the fear, the strain of trying to be brave, the need to put what I'm feeling in a reasonable mannor, then forgetting it all befor I come here. Tonight I commented on my own for the first time in months. It was a simple on but I made it non the less,and I'm glad of it. Going to Jah. is getting easer every night and He's answering them. I feel one world, that I have been available to me, just opening up to me, I have been studing more than I have in a year. For how long I don't know but at least it's start. I feel good for what I have done so far.

Dear Journel,

Where do I begin. The day was the pits to say the least, that is till I got to the Hicks's then everything changed. The dday didn't seem to matter all the problems, strife, the worry and insecurity that I encountered. The childeren were glad to see me as well as the parents, my day seems all right even thought My day was anything but. Mr.H. is determined to find a reason to fire me but can't find a good enough reason, but we both know he will eventually find one, it's just a matter of time, only time. I hate to go into work, it's is a chore, I hate always being on edge, afraid of every thing I might do to be wrong when I might not be at all. I realize that a anew job is inevedable but not something I want to do. With a firing on my resume there will beeeeee no chance of getting another job,Mr.H. knows that, espcially in the light on the economic situation, and he knows that too. I realy thing that is why he is doing it. To aviod that fact is to say that he want me there,he doesn't and he will not stop untill I'm gone,that isn't going to change, no matter what anyone thinks, nothing I will every do will change that. Sorry to leave on that sour note but that is the way it is. Till tomarrow, good night.

Dear Journel,

This day is no different then any other day, I worry about my job. I am always in fear of going into work and getting fired. The things I have done or said to Bill or things I have forgotten to do or say, constantly going over the days events, again and again and again till I go back to work only to make the same mistakes all over again. The weekends are the worst, this is because oftwo day period of waiting and thinging and wondering what awaited me on Monday morning, and the worring continues till then. People don't understand this, for last of a better word, obsetion. Also, Monday holds onther problems for me. I go to see the doctor. You see on Wedensday, when talking to Betty we got on the topic on shrinks, which I then confided to her that I was thinking about asking the doctor if she could recomend on that didn't cost much. I am very scared but Betty thinks it would be a good idea. Now, on Monday, I will be asking about it, I'm scared. So with double worries no one to talk to, or who wants to listen to me about it. People thinks it's easy to keep this job, but when you are under the type of pressure I'm under but when you have a boss always lookin over your shoulders and you know that are looking for you to make a mistakes on a machine that doesn't want to work , it's easy to make the mistakes the boss is looking for to fire me. I feel better now so I will go now but I will be back tomarrow. Good Night.

Crumpet

Wow - is this your actual diary from when you were 18 or 19? I think mine read very similarly, constant frustration and feelings of not being good enough and very alone.

((Nosferatu)) - Glad you're here and not there!

Bourne

Wow. Pretty sad existence. Of course, we've all had times like this, but I wonder, how being a JW may have contributed to her unhappiness.

Nosferatu, you seem to indicate that you knew this woman. Can you shed some light on what happened to her?

Bourne

Nosferatu

Crumpet, it's not my diary, it's the diary of someone named Kim. I just happen to have the only existing copy of it.

I wrote an introduction about that here: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/152564/1.ashx

Nosferatu

- "Nosferatu, you seem to indicate that you knew this woman. Can you shed some light on what happened to her?"

It will get a bit clearer in the next installment. The JW issues are a bit slow coming, but they really dominate the last couple of installments.

Bourne

"Bourne jumps up to pop popcorn & get more beer. He eagerly awaits the next installment of..."Journal of a JW."

.........since "24" is being delayed because of the writer's strike.......this is as good as it gets." (No offense to Nosferatu's stellar work.)

Bourne

Hope4Others

Sounds like a typical jw early 20's not much going on in life, stressed to unbelievable amounts. Just worrying about a job to go to..Isn't it a shame no career to look forward to at this point or even extra education to get just somewhere.

This is sad

I'm hoping her life improves in the next segment.

Hope4Others

SirNose586

Hmm, I wonder what she does for a living....

Well, on to number 2

Journal of a JW - Part 1 of 5

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