12 Steps For All Ex-JW Newbies:
Civility is situational. The following are some of my views as to what one might expect in various settings:
1. Football Game: Beer and cigar in hand, yelling obscenities, and release of built up tensions.
2. Catholic Mass: Quiet, pensive reverence, ritual, and a holy ambiance.
3. Pentecostal Service: Rock the house down with songs praising the Lord.
4. Baptist Service: Powerful sermons and lots of ‘Amens’ from the audience.
5. Business Meeting: Professional and respectful exchanges of information.
6. JW Meeting: Sleepy sales propaganda and sales training atmosphere.
7. Courtroom: Respectful and honorable demeanor.
8. Live Theater: Appreciation for the Art, emotional reactions and much applause.
9. Funeral: Somber reflection, sadness, tears, respect and dignity for the deceased.
10. Weddings: Happy tears, love, hope, and a lot of fun and celebration.
11. Dimly Lit Bar: Sad reflections and prognostications over missed opportunities.
12. Ex-JW Talk Forums: A little bit of all the above.
You see, as ex-JWs we have many people from around the world representing many different cultures, experiences, ages, education, maturity, and victims of JW policy, to name a few of the many varying dynamics brought before us all. We cannot expect any given type of situation. We have to pick and choose what kinds of post to contribute to. We have to give non-judgmental space to those who are just learning the freedom of open expression. We need to learn to risk making friends and learning how to respectfully accept enemies. We apologize when called for, and forgive even if we don’t need to.
Loving your enemies: "A second thing that an individual must do in seeking to love his enemy is to discover the element of good in his enemy, and every time you begin to hate that person and think of hating that person, realize that there is some good there and look at those good points which will over-balance the bad points. - Dr. Martin Luther Kng, Jr. from his speech, Loving your enemies.
We all have a unique situation, because our experiences as former JWs have many common attributes to the suffering of people in many aspects of life from divorce, death, war, crime and many other general experiences. Yet, we have a special bond because of the uncommon way our love and devotion for God was raped by religious criminals.
What binds us together?: Even when we come to a board like this, new and unaccustomed to the ‘situation’ and get hurt, we keep coming back because deep down we all understand this common bond. What is that? We have been denied by the Watch Tower religious criminals what any victim deserves ... that is ... accountability and justice.
But, unlike regular criminals who often escape from police, and get away with crimes against society, the JW religious leaders rub their crimes in our faces openly before all other JWs. They attempt to turn us, the victims of their crimes, into the guilty by calling us ‘Apostates.’ They flaunt this in their literature, meetings, and even when they respond to the media.
Newbie Friends: If you can keep the above in mind as you evaluate each post, and the uniqueness and hurt each poster may have, then it will be easier to accept seriously difficult posts, even when you are the target of what is otherwise unfair treatment. Instead of worrying about the unfairness, whether real or perceived, you will develop an appreciation for what ex-JW forums are all about ... that is ... they are the place where anyone can open up about anything ... and know that tomorrow is just another day.
What can you expect then?: You will find support, comfort, hope, encouragement, validation, information, help, and make new friends. You will also get your feelings hurt, find yourself hurting others feelings, get depressed, have doubts, and make some enemies.
Most Important: You will finally learn through this sometimes smooth and then rough road that your sense of worth and dignity is not determined or built upon group dynamics ... but upon what you developed inside your own unique individual hart and mind. You will learn what freedom we truly find, and the meaning of that freedom, and how damn lucky you are to be here instead of trapped under the control of religious criminals. Your life will take on greater meaning and value, your self-worth and esteem will properly grow to where it should have been all along.
Welcome aboard – you are loved for who and what you are and as you are now or will become.- Amazing