Do All JW Children Suffer From Psychological Damage? The First Bit..

by Englishman 19 Replies latest jw friends

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  Englishman

  ..and if so, what form does such psychological damage take?

  My own experience is that damage does occur.

  I was 8 years old when my parents became converted, so I wasn't exactly a totally white canvass on which my personality could be painted. But I was a light shade of grey, so the impact of WT teaching was still quite considerable.

  I think the most damage that I suffered was in the area of guilt and unworthiness. By the time that I was 12 years old I had become terrified of being disfellowshipped. Could I be disfellowshipped for using bad language at school? Could I be disfellowshipped for telling a fib? For masturbating? For looking at Health & Efficency magazines? The list of probable DF'ing offences seemed endless.

  Not wanting to be struck down dead at Armageddon for having some sin on my record book that needed expunging, I fell into the trap of confessing to everything that I had done wrong so that I would not be in an unclean state when the big A occured.

  Consequently, our local PO became the recipient of all of my neurosis as I strove to be clean from all sin. When I drove a motor scooter illegally I confessed. When I swore I confessed. When I had lustful thoughts I confessed. I confessed to everything and even exaggerated my wrongdoings so that if I had left anything out I would have some credits in my personal Armageddon bank to draw upon.

  My parents became very worried about me, and decided that I was suffering from nervous exhaustion. They prescribed Sanatogen nerve tonic and more ministry work as a cure for my depression. I increased my personal study, knocked on more doors, cut right back on masturbating and did all manner of good works so as to store up some treasure in Heaven and not be found wanting when Armageddon - due any time now - arrived.

  I was now 14, my self-esteem non-existent, doing very poorly at school and not much good at anything except for one brief glorious moment when I broke the class record for throwing the discus further than anyone else could.

  However, changes were afoot that would serve to raise my self-esteem suffiently enough to become more independently minded, although the imprinted guilt would later arise in my early 40's that would plunge me headlong into a nightmare breakdown..

  More later.

  Englishman.
• 

  LittleToe

  Sounds like the Catholics may be onto something.
  At least they can feel like they have expunged something, by the confessional.

  Personally I prefer it being between me and the "Big Guy", and always did. I was foolhardy enough to "confess" to a few things, though.

  I look forward to the next installment, Mike. You have a griping way of expressing yourself.
• 

  AlanB

  I understand exactly how you felt. I did not go as far as confess anything really, but did suffer from guilt and the eternal conflict of trying to be my real self and feeling guilty about all sorts of very minor things.

  At the same time at the KH, all the other young people seemed so perfect so I assumed it was only me that swore occaisionally (minor words of course) Masturbated, had lustful thoughts, did not gain joy from the ministry, enjoyed rock music and questioned things too much.

  Sad really as looking back I was one of the good guys, I did not lie, steal, cheat, thought well of everyone. My father should have been proud of me rather than constantly criticising me for petty things and not being a clone of himself.

  Its only now that I feel comfortable with who I am, even then I recognise some residual issues.

  I think this is a familiar picture.

  Look forward to reading further installments.

  A
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  Undecided

  I remember laying in a hammock in my old homeplace when a kid and crying, trying to get God's forgivness for mastubation. I could resist for a few days but would be caught up again in the practice. I never confessed to anyone.

  I remember once when I was about eight I saluted a flag I had made on a stick. It was just an instant but I never forgot it.

  I learned to be a good double life JW.

  Ken P.
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  Obviously Secret

  About a year ago I was a real scary scary JW kid. Cause I use to curse and stuff at school and different things. However, all that scardyness made me more depressed and vunerable to stupid things because I never really learned the consequences in them. Just learned that they were bad and I was gonna die at armeggeddon by em. Didn't even think twice that they might be actually bad for me so I went into some stupid stuff. Never confessed I was never that naive. If I did confess... My parents would ignore me even more than they usually do and I would still not have any friends so... ya know.
• 

  reboot

  I'd never have thought that the young Mike and you were the same person...you should be pretty proud of yourself after starting life with such a stressful set of compounding guilt complexes..

  I was brought up Cathloic, then Methodist, then LONG break then JW.Perhaps the origional Catholicism effected the decision to have a bible study later in life..There is a whole 'group' mentality with the Catholics and also rigid dictrinal issues and allegiance to the body as a whole and the infalibility of the Pope could be likened to that of the Governing Body..I certainly think guilt reinforced even more strongly by the WTBS had an effect on me..

  ...and if so, what psychological damage does that take?

  I feel that another aspect of psychological damage from the WTBS is the failure of some teenagers to grow into well rounded individuals.

  There was a psycholocist on radio4 last year who defined a group of children as being likely to suffer mental problems later in life.

  She argued that teenagers have to be allowed to make their own decisions and more importantly mistakes, to develop correctly .

  She explained that this was because the process of decision making is a learned skill that needs to be encouraged and developed and that children denied this due to a rigid set of rules-and she specified strict religious upbringings..are less able to cope when older that children from a supportive background who knew their parents views, but had been allowed the freedom to choose their own standards, suffered less from psychological damage and were well balanced adults...
• 

  metatron

  Psychology aside, I firmly believe that the Watchtower damages children SPIRITUALLY!

  All of us, even atheists, have a spiritual/moral/ethical component of our personality - and the Society's narrow

  and judgemental mindset can ruin a young person's ethical view of the rest of the human race.

  If you're a Witness parent reading this, ask yourself if raising kids would be easier in an environment that emphasizes

  charity and empathy - or one that emphasizes adverse judgement of people as 'bird food' at Armageddon, people for

  whom charity is a waste of time, while also emphasizing that everything you strive for is futile, except door to door

  magazine peddling. This is not the path to health or happiness in life.

  metatron
• 

  bull01lay

  I had similar hangups and confessed all to an elder. I felt worse after, because then I didn't feel like I could look him in the face anymore, or visit and hang out with his kids (his daughter was V sweet!!)

  LT:

  You have a griping way of expressing yourself

  I do believe that was a freudian slip.... at least I hope you meant Gripping!! LOL

  Bull!
• 

  Englishman

  Once feelings of worthlesseness have set in because of WT inflicted guilt, it's a short path to living in a highly anxious state.

  Anxiety, being simply "fear spread more thinly" is, IMHO, one of the prime reasons that JW's fear demons more than Satan himself!

  If you feel without worth, you will also feel fear. A part of you will feel unloved in the knowledge that your parents love for you is conditional to some extent on how you perform as a JW. So you'll have a fear of being abandoned. How many young children are terrified of demons, the darkness, things that go bump in the night?

  I'll tell some more of my story in a day or so, how I looked into the abyss and found the courage to stare back at it.

  Not my usual stuff, this.

  Englishman.
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  LittleToe

  Bull:Oops, I dropped a pee