As I reflect on my time spent as a jw, there are certain issues that continue to disturb me about my conduct and lifestyle as a member of that so-called 'religion'.
From the outset, let me state that I did not suffer any physical, sexual, or mental abuse from any members of the cult, that so unfortunately was inflicted upon many persons who now can gladly consider themselves as ex-members of that sorry excuse for a humane (or godly, whichever way you prefer to recognise it) organisation. Certainly, there were conflicts of personality, and some bad business dealings, but, really, I consider that I 'got off lightly' from the fifteen or so years I wasted as a member.
One thing is certain - that no-one, I repeat, no-one, can spend any time as part of that cult and, who manages to escape, who will come away unscathed. All will carry some form of scar.
So what are my concerns? Firstly, that I was a disappointment to my father. My father engendered in me a healthy disregard for all religious affiliation. He loathed the pomp, regalia, ceremony, rituals, and customs of religion. Perhaps it was part of my rebelling against parental authority that made me seek an interest in the dubs. Then again, it may have been the drugs. Although my father is now dead, and I was well and truly no longer a dub by the time he passed away, I still feel that I was a disappointment to him for taking up with the dubs in the first place. While I was a dub he never outrightly criticised me, but I knew he was displeased. Although, once I was no longer a dub, it was not a subject which we ever spoke at any great length about, I just hope he was able to forgive me for my stupidity.
Secondly. The lifestyle I inflicted upon my two sons (both now adults aged 23 and 26). The witness religion is no place for mature adults, much less small children who have no way of fully understanding the standards they are expected to meet as impressed upon them as bible principles by misguided parents. Being dragged door to door, boring meetings, associating with moronic children of other dubs. My sons suffered unnecessary torment at school from their peers, although, as the eldest had entered high school the interest in the religion was fading rapidly as my wife and I became more liberal with their activities and associates. They too carry the scars of a religion which they now despise immensely. Rightly, they feel some resentment to my wife and I as parents for the strife they endured as witness children.
There is also concern for my wife, who put up with having the book study in our home for years, having to cater for unthankful, free loading, lazy arsed brothers and sisters who we were trying to 'encourage'. Witnessing - oh, how we both hated that 'spiritual activity'.
Thirdly. Selfishly I guess, I am grieved over the years (and possibly best years of a persons life) that can only be considered as completely wasted as a dub. The years of strutting the streets, spending beautiful Spring and Summer days stuck inside a hall listening to self righteous arseholes pontificate about their glorious god (read manmade organisation). There can be no activity that is a greater waste of time going under the deceptive guise as 'helping your fellow man' than the 'work' (loosely used term) that is engaged in by jws.
There maybe some who will criticise me for being so negative perhaps - certainly I have a loving wife and two fine sons, resulting from my time with the dubs. Even that has had its sad consequences, but believe me, there is nothing else positive that can be directed to the dubs.
If allowed, I will continue to ridicule the WTS, its members, supporters, and apologists. Totally unapologetically. Maybe it's my way of dealing with my experience with the cult.
cheeses. Often misunderstood, seldom mistaken.