Recovery Issues and What to Expect
If you've had exit-counseling you have had a concentrated time to discuss and reflect upon your involvement in a psychologically abusive group, your personal issues that affected your vulnerabilities and your spiritual issues. But you also need to realize that, for some, it has been somewhat like chipping off at an iceberg. Your "recovery" rate and level is highly dependent upon a variety of factors: the number of years spent in a cultic environment, the destructiveness of your specific group ala doctrine and practice, your level of involvement within the cultic milieu, your psychological health prior to group/relationship involvement, and strength of relationship to family and friends outside of the group, among others. Because of ex-counseling you learned how the group manipulated your "self" and squeezed you into their mold or their "clone." How motivated are you to continue to find your true self with all of its goals and aspirations? How patient are you to allow this process to take the time needed to be "inside out" recovery?
Here are a few reminders to help you along the way:
** Don't expect family and friends to totally "understand" your experience. It was your experience, not theirs. Continue to explain what happened to you in the best ways you can.
** Don't be surprised if, after a while, people remind you that you need to "move on" with your life ... or "forget what lies behind"... or think you are obsessing on your experience. Try to explain the nature of trauma ---that the continual review of the experience helps you "process" it and give meaning to it, and you would appreciate their patience with you.
** Join a support group to have a body of friends who have gone through similar cultic experiences as yourself and attend some local meetings or national conferences to continue in understanding what happened to you, and hear the uplifting stories of others who have grown through their group exodus.
** Expect numerous "ups and downs." Just when you think you've gotten a handle on it all, you may have some moody, confused times of wondering why you left or why this happened to you or how can you ever get past this experience. This is very normal and typical. Everyone has up and down days and weeks. Look at the overall "graph of growth and resolve."
** Enjoy reading books re: 1) other peoples' experiences in an exploitive, abusive group or 2) about nothing that has to do with abusive groups, just topics you want to explore for a change like gardening, poetry, history or whatever would help you feel like a valuable living human on this exciting planet.
** Schedule additional counseling/consultation with someone knowledgeable about survivors from exploitive, deceptive groups and their needs if you need continued help in sorting out any psychological trauma, or if you run into some obstacles. Like surgery is to the body, healing takes time afterwards, i.e. you must pace yourself and seek medical attention if needed. An expert can help and you'll be back on the road to healing once again. Just don't panic. You have not lost all that you once gained. Recovery takes time!
** Continue to confront those cognitive lies that may periodically rear their ugly head. Write them down, then challenge the irrationality of the inherent errors. Restart that journal or begin to review your thinking bit by bit. Continue to "deprogram" the land mines that might still remain in your mind as the thoughts (lies) surface in your thinking.
** Get involved in activities you've always dreamed of or take an evening class of interest at your local community college. Life is to be enjoyed not endured -- something totalist groups usually don't teach! Surround yourself with fun, positive, enjoyable activities and people!
** Be tolerant of parental or spousal concerns that you might return to the group. Assure them you will not. Assure them that your concern is for your friends inside the group, reminding yourself that you need to heal and have some strength and resolve before you can be of any real help to others. Remember, you are first accountable for yourself.
** Remind yourself daily that you are a special, uniquely created individual that deserves love and appreciation because YOU do! Learn to see and feel that for yourself.
** Realize the value of what you've learned about life from your experience; help others grow.
JanG
CAIC Website: http://caic.org.au/zjws.htm
Personal Webpage: http://uq.net.au/~zzjgroen/