This is the other half of the information given to me many years ago. I also lookat this occasionally to assess where I am and remind me to keep going
Specific traits of a mature, self-assured person
If you don't know what healthy adjustment is, how can you ever get there? Self-assurance generally includes being knowledgeable, emotionally aware, self-directed, and at peace with the world .
1.They see reality, and knowing "the facts are friendly," they accept reality more than most people. They see through phoniness, deception, and "games"--and avoid them. They cope with problems, rather than avoid them.
2.They accept themselves and others; thus, they can honestly self-disclose and forgive others' shortcomings.
3.They are spontaneous with their ideas, feelings, and actions, being genuine and confident.
4.They focus on solving problems but their "problems" tend to be outside themselves. For instance, they often have a "mission" that may be difficult to accomplish but gives excitement, challenge, and purpose to their lives.
5.They enjoy privacy, withdrawing sometimes to be free to have their own thoughts. Occasionally, they may have mystical experiences in which they become part of all mankind or of nature.
6.They resist culturally prescribed roles, e.g. masculine or feminine. They resent unfairness caused by social roles and prejudice. They insist on thinking for themselves and completing their mission, even in the face of social criticism.
7.They enjoy and appreciate the commonplace, the little things in life--a rose, a baby, an idea, a considerate comment, a meal, a loving touch, etc.
8.They feel a kinship, a closeness, a warmth, a concern for every human being.
9.They are close to a few people, although not always popular. They can live intimately and love.
10.They do not judge others on the basis of stereotypes, like sex, age, race, or religion, but rather as individuals.
11.They have a strong self-generated code of ethics--a sense of right and wrong. Their values may not be conventional but they do guide their lives.
12.They are creative and do things differently, not in rebellion but for the joy of being original and talented. They are clever, even in their ability to be amused instead of angered by human foibles.
We can select our own mature values and goals. We can gain self-control. We can avoid slavishly conforming to social roles and stereotypes. We can develop tolerant attitudes. We can gain self-understanding. We can do these things thoughout our life.
It is healthy to learn to express all of our genuine feelings (the full range), not just selected emotions and roles in which we get stuck.
If our Dominant response is anger we can choose to love; if strong we can choose to bend, if critical we can choose to be supportive and controllin can choose to be dependent.
Making these choices will produce instead, assertiveness, courage, appreciation of differences and interdependence
Sow an act and you reap a habit.
Sow a habit and you reap a character.
Sow a character and you reap a destiny.
The doorstep to the temple of wisdom is a knowledge of our own ignorance.
Self-understanding is a life-long project
A few people believe that a few pages about personality types or parts and about basic human motives or needs contain all they need to know. No! No! There is so much inside each of us to try to understand--our growth, our thoughts and feelings, our dreams (last night and in the future), our values and motives, etc. Understanding ourselves and others are endless tasks. We all need insight into what makes us tick in specific areas. We need to continue building our self-esteem, correcting our thinking, and altering our motives. We will spend a lifetime finding out things about ourselves we don't know yet--fascinating! Don't fail to get to know yourself. You are fascinating. If you find problems, there are many sources of help.
Some books you may fine helpful
Cross, J. & Cross, P. B. (1983). Knowing yourself inside out for self-direction. Berkeley, CA: Crystal Publications.
Harvey, J. C. & Katz, C. (1985). If I'm successful, why do I feel like a fake? New York: Pocket Books.
Horner, A. (1990). Being & loving. Northvale, NJ: Aronson.
James, M. & Jongeward, D. (1971). Born to win: Transactional Analysis with Gestalt experiments. Readings, MA: Addison-Wesley.
Jourard, S. M. (1974). Healthy personality. New York: MacMillan Co.
Liebert, R. M. (1987). Personality: Strategies and issues. Chicago:Dorsey Press. (Or, any other recent personality text.)
Newman, M. & Berkowitz, B. (1974). How to be your own best friend. New York: Ballantine Books.
Powell, J. (1976). Fully human, fully alive. Niles, IL: Argus.
Steiner, C. (1975). Scripts people live. New York: Bantam.
JanG
CAIC Website: http://caic.org.au/zjws.htm
Personal Webpage: http://uq.net.au/~zzjgroen/