TAKING OUR LIVES BACK #1
In addition to my Deceptive JW Elders and Justice Series, I also feel that a series on taking our lives back would be useful, and will bring in a lot of shared thoughts. One of the things that I became aware of as I left the organization of Jehovah’s Witnesses is all that had been lost, never accomplished, or stolen because of time, money and energy devoted to the interests of the Watch Tower organization. The following is a brief experience of how I started the process of reclaiming life, and will be followed by many more:
Fear of the Opposite Sex: IN the JW organization, so much paranoia and obsession exists regarding any contact or association with the opposite sex, that they have created an abnormal atmosphere wherein JWs can easily get into trouble with the congregation for minor situations, and can lead to serious psychological problems if left unchecked for years.
As any good JW, I submitted to this, and would, for example, while returning from Field Service with a car group, drive way out of my way to be sure to drop off sisters first, and then brothers to avoid even being alone for a brief period with a sister who was not my wife. I recall being counseled once because I was not able to comply with this standard, and found that I needed to give a lone sister a ride home. She was married and so was I, but not to each other. As Murphy’s Law would have it, the one time I did this, I was seen with her riding up front with me in my van.
A Healing Method: I became so afraid of the opposite sex in any situation where I might be next to a women not my wife, that on my bus trips into San Francisco (a 45 mile ride) I would stand, rather than take the last seat next to a young women. So ...
Even before I started to leave the JWs, and sometime after, when I would be in a situation where I got on a bus, I would make sure to sit next to a good looking woman, and try and reduce my fears. I would engage her in conversation and learn to have normal interaction without fearing that I would be perceived as toying with fornication. I came to realize that a non-JW woman was not going to suddenly raise her dress and let me have it. LOL
The final step on this journey was with one women who was not only extremely attractive, but she still wore mini-skirts to work, and at age 35 was very pleasant to look at. I would often listen to her soft and attractive voice as she would sit behind the bus driver and talk with him.
One day, I finally got up the nerve to sit with her and she was very open and conversant. I did this many times on my way to work. Finally, she and I developed a nice friendship. I learned that I could build a friendship with a non-JW woman, and that it could be good and healthy without fear of it turning into fornication or adultery.
After I moved to the Pacific Northwest, I then changed from going to a barbershop to a beauty salon where a very nice, attractive, and charming lady styled my hair, shampoo, head massage, and all. I went to her for a few years past my being a JW and she talked a great deal with me about my exit process. As it turned out, her daughter was being influenced by some JW family she had. And as a result of my recommending Crisis of Conscience etc. to her, she was able to steer her daughter away from the JWs. As a result of this, we became good friends. She is well educated, and informed on many topics. We are still friends even though I live far away from her.
The act of taking our lives back does not mean that we do destructive things, like experiment with fornication, drugs, or spiritism. Rather, it means doing constructive things that allows us to develop healthy feelings, relationships, enjoyment of sexual things within good common sense and reason, using our own minds and consciences in a free method to find our own personal safe boundaries.
I look back and feel very right and good at what I did to start taking my life back with respect to fearing the opposite sex. There are other issues, such as advanced education, employment promotions, new non-JW friends, eating a birthday cake on the job, sending out Christmas cards, starting a business, redeveloping any talents we have in the arts, literature, or science. Learning that our humanity is good and normal and to be enjoyed to the full ... and that if anything pleases God, it would be that we do this on our own, and not live in a state of perpetual fear and uncertainty, always checking with Elders or the Society or looking over our shoulder fearing someone will mistake the situation.
Amazing