Coming Out Experiences

Preston

Hi, this is my first post so I would like to get some things off of my chest. I recently had to leave my congregation after five years after deciding to take a proactive stance regarding my beliefs and the fact that I found it necessary to come out to the congregation regarding my queerness (I usually try to stay away from labels like straight or bi since I think they are deceptive). I was very active in my congregation: I was a ministerial servant, I handled the accounts, and I performed a lot of other duties. I also had a deep appreciation for philosophy, painting (particularly Dali) and obscure Russian cinema so it was hard being in a congregation where appreciation for art was so restricted. I also found it hard living in an environment where I was condemned by the very literature I was coerced to read. It was also hard dealing with the sexual feelings I had toward people of the same sex in my congregation (in particular, there was a cute elder that I had a very wicked crush on). When I finally came to the conclusion that the Society's view was highly questionable I decided to take a stand. First, I came out to myself, then my acquaintances, then my friends, then my family, then the congregation. I'm glad that I did so. I didn't do it in order to create dissention but I never felt it was an option to keep it hidden, I had to be truthful to others and I couldn't stay in the congregation because it prevented me from being truthful regarding myself. It has been four months since I have been active and I have no regrets. Friendships in the congregation are so conditional and I have had so many blessings from my two Friends that I met in my University since I left. I have also had the honor of graduating from ASU in Arizona with my degree in Computer Information Systems as well. For the most part my relationship with the congregation is non-existent. What friends I came out to in the congregation I do not have anymore. I am not disfellowshipped but every once in a while an elder calls me up to ask if I have engaged in sexual activity. I do not give him the honor of knowing since it is none of his business. It is hard enough dealing with two parents who can't even picture their own children as sexual less homosexual. And frankly, It's my opinion that it's none of their business what two people who love each other do behind closed doors. The head elder was the most curious, he wanted every single detail. To tell you the truth, I think he was very closeted about some of the feelings that he had about his own sexuality. In fact, leaving has made me realize how preoccupied many elders are toward pretty sexual matters rather than all the people who die from suicide and not being able to freely decide for themselves regarding blood. In short, I'm glad that I'm out and I would like to hear any coming out stories that you might have as well. Thank you for allowing me to speak.

SanFranciscoJim

Preston, you are most certainly not alone. I have over 500 names on my personal correspondence list of gay & lesbian JW's and ex-JW's. I was disfellowshipped 21 years ago for "conduct unbecoming a Christian" (we all know what that means!) and over the years have assisted in the development of a worldwide support network for gay/lesbian JW's & ex-JW's called "A Common Bond". I am webmaster of the San Francisco ACB site: http://www.gayxjw.org/ in case you haven't been there yet. Are you still in Arizona? If so, I know quite a few others there I would be happy to put you in contact with.
Cheers! JIM

think41self

Hi Preston,

Welcome to the board! I don't have a "coming out" story, at least, not like yours! I was raised as a JW and didn't escape until I was 35 years old. So in that sense, I came out.

Anyway, I hope you stick around and find lots of support and acceptance here. I think you will.

think41self

SlayerLayer

Just wanted to commend you first on the challenge of "coming out" to your friends and family. I'm not gay, but I can't imagine how difficult that must be. Secondly, for boldly standing behind your true and deepest feelings, in front of the congregation. You are absolutly right...It is none of their business.

Welcome to the board!
Chris

"Forget the tribe, my pants have spoken."

Preston

Thaks Jim for reading my post, I would certainly like to hear about your experiences as well as possibly getting in contact with some people in Arizona who have had similar experiences to mine (possibly in the Phoenix area).

Thanx!

SixofNine

Not to jump onto the defense of JW's, but I have to think that most all members of most all the worlds' great religions don't equate obscure russian cinema with art.

Welcome to the board.

I'ma be a frickin' papist in a John Paul mask-the real slim sixy

SanFranciscoJim

Preston, I'll drop you a few lines privately & copy in some of my other contacts in the Phoenix area.
Did you see the article in Echo magazine a couple of years back about gay JW's? We've copied it on our website (with their permission) at: http://www.gayxjw.org/echo.html

waiting

hey 6,

Not to jump onto the defense of JW's, but I have to think that most all members of most all the worlds' great religions don't equate obscure russian cinema with art.

That crossed my mind too. *What* obscure russian cinema with art? Wouldn't make ya too many friends in my neck of the woods either.

hey Preston

If you can, try to be gentle with your parents. If they're jw's, they have no way to compute the message that you are an active sexual gay man. It just doesn't compute. But with an effort, if you want, a relationship can still be there between all of you, if they can grasp the idea of having a son more than having a homosexual for a son.

Welcome to our forum, enjoyed your post.

waiting

XJWBill

Howdy, Preston. I walked out when I was 21 in 1977, many long years ago. There's really nothing to tell about my "experience"--I just stopped going to meetings. And, not having any family in the Lie, nobody hounded me. My friends just gave me the cold shoulder and stopped calling or visiting or asking me over.

As soon as I did decide to leave, I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. And I got on with my life.

It hasn't been a bed of roses, exactly, but I haven't looked back. Welcome to reality! Play safe and enjoy your life.

Bill

"If we all loved one another as much as we say we love God, I reckon there wouldn't be as much meanness in the world as there is."--from the movie Resurrection (1979)

thinkers wife

Welcome to the board Preston. I only "came out" of the org. too. But have much respect for somone who is true to their feelings!!
TW

Coming Out Experiences

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