Bethel labs - where the future is being forbidden - today!

by RunningMan 13 Replies latest jw friends

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  RunningMan

  Last week, my daughter asked me how much hair spray is too much (for those of you who don’t know, spiky hair was banned at our district convention).

  So, I told her about “Bethel labs”. It is a secret laboratory in Brooklyn where intricate experiments are painstakingly carried out, day and night. Our fearless brothers donate their time and energy to determine the precise amount of hair spray that persons should use. As well, there is a lineup of young men trying on pants several sizes too big, in a selfless effort to determine just how baggy is too baggy.

  And of course, shapely sisters are hiking their hems while being observed by a roomful of bethelites attached to erect-o-meters, to determine just how short is too short for a skirt.

  Senile men are watching cartoons, violence, and pornography to determine which entertainment is suitable for individual Christian consciences.

  Yes, we can all be thankful that our dear brothers are sacrificing themselves to perform these experiments, so that we will not need to run the risk of searing our consciences with our own experience.

  My daughter was very impressed.
• 

  dmouse

  LOL! Nice one.

  ...and don't forget those selfless big boobied sisters all leaning forward in a row to see how low-cut you can go without revealing all.
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  Satanus

  Must be one of those top secret labs where you have to be really connected to get in, unless you have big boobs

  SS
• 

  integ

  Ted Jaracz is masturbating furiously 24/7 to a webcam visual of young, strapping, bethelite lads.
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  RunningMan

  Uh.... Integ, as stimulating as that image is, we need to know the nature of the experiment. Is brother Jaracz perhaps determining the long term effects of self abuse, for inclusion in a future rewrite of the youth book?

  If there is no deliverable scientific result of his activity, then I'm afraid he will need to be transferred to another department.
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  Swan

  And like Consumer Reports, they don't accept advertising of any kind, so they can't be accused of being biased.

  Tammy
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  rocketman

  Ah yes, we have one more rule to remember now - "spikey hair". This from a religion that says that it was the Pharisees who made all kinds of rules.
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  ashitaka

  I heard that one tested included having young men and women dressing up in alternately baggy, tight clothes, and listening to either rap or heavy metal. In both cases, after a time of listening to the song, they were administered the DIC test. (Demon Influence Content)

  They concluded that Rap, mixed with wearing baggy pants, really spiked the DIC. Then they wrote several Young Stooges Ask Columns, with that info listed, along with testimonials that occured only once in recorded history. ex. (I listened to rap and therefore ended up on welware, gave birth to 3 crack babies, sold myself in the red light district, while in my spare time, killed several people over half empty bottles of gin)

  ash
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  Swan

  Does the spikey hair prohibition also apply to brothers, like my 70+ year old uncle, who still wear 50's crew cuts?

  Tammy
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  dmouse

  Some of the higher ranking bethel scientists are at this very moment testing how much alcohol they can safely consume before their personality changes. Of course this is a very finely balanced experiment which will take years to complete.

  This is in order to guide the rank and file about how much they can drink before they are classed as alcoholics! One teaspoon over the 'guide' limit and the elders put you on the wagon.