Sisters with unbelieving Mates

by slipnslidemaster 21 Replies latest jw friends

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  slipnslidemaster

  I asked this in one of the threads ( http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=5335) but I would like to explore it further.

  Am I the only one to think this or did it seem like the sisters with unbelieving mates and children seemed to be "tolerated" or marginalized? They never seemed to be "full" Witnesses to anybody in the congregation?

  My name is Slipnslideius Masterus: commander of the armies of the North, general of the Felix legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius...
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  philo

  ::Am I the only one to think this or did it seem like the sisters with unbelieving mates and children seemed to be "tolerated" or marginalized? They never seemed to be "full" Witnesses to anybody in the congregation?

  I noticed this too. Given WT sex controls, perhaps people were jealous of those getting unbelieveable mating!

  philo
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  TR

  I was a brother with an unbelieving mate and kids. Got invited to one, count 'em, one barbeque in ten years.

  TR

  "cults suck"
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  wasasister

  Not particularly true in my area. In many cases, the unbelieving mate was unbelievably successful, due to having an education and career ambitions. This left the faithful Witness wife in a position to spend time pioneering in her new luxury van, while wearing the finest fashions from Nordstrom. These sisters could also afford to be quite generous with the visiting CO's and their wives.

  Interesting how no one questioned how the money was earned, as long as it was available to "Advance Kingdom Interests." In social settings, the unbeliever was often included in an effort to "win him over". Of course if the heathen decided to pick up the check at the table, that was OK.

  Good observations.
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  jurs

  I was a sister with an unbelieving mate. I've been in 3 different congrgations. It depends on the congregation. The first congregation I had several close sister friends but never felt apart of the congregation. The second congrgation was the worst as far as feeling welcomed. I only had one sister friend. I never got invited over and my kids never got asked to play at JW houses. The sisters were especially cold. I felt uncomfortable talking to brothers because it seemed like I was being judged by sisters as being a threat. I know that probably sounds conceited but I felt very uncomfortable in that hall. The third hall, the congrgation I just left was very warm. I will miss them. I thought the elders were kind and genuine and felt apart of the congrgation. The sisters were also nice. The hall didn't seem as fanatical as the other two as well. Its strange that I starting doubting in a kingdom hall I was happy in. I'm sure missing meetings helped me. A chance to stand back and think!!!!
  JURS
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  safe4kids

  I was married to an ubelieving mate while a Witness and I had two children. We were rarely invited anywhere; it was almost like we didn't exist to most of the families in the congregation. In fact, the only invitations I received outside of family invites were from one elder and his family whom I had gotten close to - I was buds with his wife. Other than that, there was a lot of lip service paid to looking out for the "widows and orphans" but this "widow" can tell you, it WAS only lip service. After assemblies, it was common in our area for the bros and sisters to go somewhere afterward for dinner...I do not recall a SINGLE invitation. BUT my pervert, pedophiliac brother (the pioneer) was chatted up by almost every elder and had dinner with the CO everytime he was in town. Of course, that may have been due to the fact that he contributed generously to said CO....
  Screw 'em

  Safe
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  slipnslidemaster

  It always seems like there were a few sisters in the congregation that had unbelieving mates even a couple that were pioneers, but I never saw any extraordinary effort paid to those sisters to help them or to encourage them.

  Of course on the flipside, I can think of a brother that has an inactive wife that is a MS that is the gem of the congregation. Do you think that it has anything to do with the whole women are shit thing that the Society has?

  My name is Slipnslideius Masterus: commander of the armies of the North, general of the Felix legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius...
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  think41self

  SlipnSlidemaster,

  By Jove, I think you've got it!

  I think it totally depended on the sex of the person. Sisters were pitied because they had this extra burden, the unbelieving mate, but they were also watched closely by the other sisters because of it! I mean, let's face it, if you didn't have your man there at the hall with you to make sure you kept your Jezebel tendencies under control, who knows what could happen? Therefore, the women were threatened, and so you would receive no invites from them, because they WERE in charge of the social calendars, since that mostly involved food, which they could be trusted to handle.[8>]

  On the other hand, if you were a brother with an unbelieving mate, and especially if you brought your kids to the meetings with you, why some of those women would be climbing over others to come help the poor man, carrying this heavy burden. And you were viewed as such a strong martyr, too. And of course your spirituality was never in doubt, just look at the effort you put forth to get yourself and kids to meetings!(lol...most sisters put forth that effort for every meeting, even if hubby is a witness)

  Anyway, that was my experience.

  think41self
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  patio34

  I was married to an 'unbeliever' for a while and, of course, had only women as friends. But it was a friendlier area in general.

  Then, divorced and moved to a new area, and mostly I was a pariah.

  BUT I don't blame the individual JWs AS MUCH as I do the organizational structure of the WTBS.

  The WTBS says it does not exist for social purposes. Okay. Then any socialization must be done individually and on a semi-formal basis. I.e., please come to my house for dinner.

  There is nothing done as a group for people who may not be of the socially 'elite.' Other groups have many different meetings or 'clubs,' if you will,for different interests. Say, religious studies, singles groups, parents groups, teen groups, etc.

  BUT NO, JWs have no such thing available on a 'everyone is welcome' basis. Moreover, they have the temerity to dictate to their followers that you cannot join school sports or any other groups which may aid one. Doomed to loneliness within and without.

  In my 28 years as a jw, I never believed the scripture that if you leave mothers, brother, friends, you will have a hundred fold. It just ain't true for JWs.

  But it's a sore spot with me that I don't often like to talk about. My children had some really hard years without a father and I feel organized activities through the schools would have made a significant difference in their lives. Gr-r-r-r-r.

  Patio
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  jurs

  I wanted to add a little more... Conventions and assemblies were always the worst for me. I would be sitting with hundreds of brothers and sisters and feeling totally alone. Break time (lunch) and before the program started was the worst.. I would sit and talk to no one. I would walk around (you know how we strolled during the break) it was very awkward. I usually cried on the way home feeling sorry for myself. I think that assemblies and conventions show the lack of love best. I use to beg my husband to go, not because I thought he would have a change of heart but to have someone to eat lunch with. Finally I found a solution to my problem. Visa or Mastercard, I went shopping during breaks!!!! JURS