Leaving without losing

by somebody 15 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  somebody

  Good afternoon all,

  After reading so many stories about people separating from their husbands/wives once the one of them stops attending meetings, I was wondering how someone could tell their spouse when they first starting learning the truth about the truth. I know there are couples who got out together on this board. How did you break it to your spouses what you were feeling and learning, without having them run to the elders or view you as an apostate? Is it better to tell your spouse what your reading right away? Or is it better to hold everything in till your ready to explode? I've never had to deal with this because I walked away at a young age. I married someone who had never heard of JWs, but after spending time together, he started asking me what planet I was from, constantly. :-) I consider myself very fortunate that I've never had to be in that situation.

  peace,
  somebody
• 

  MacHislopp

  Hello Somebody,

  although you mention leaving, I wish to

  express myself more about the "beginning " of the process,

  when as you wrote one begins "to undertsnad the TRUTH about

  the TRUTH". To keep it simple I do believe that you should -

  and I do - take a firm position concerning all things which

  for a start DO NOT HAVE A SURE BIBLE PROOF, STATEMENT etc.

  Then gently but firmly- again- you let it be known very

  clearly that you investigate, you DO MAKE deep research in

  the BIBLE and CONSIDER THE BIBLE as you stone of compari-

  son. Not necessarily enter into strong debates, which can

  arouse anger, irritation, but one of the sure way to make you

  marriage mate understand it is to explain certain positions,

  included doctrinal points in a mature way, ALWAYS backing

  your statement when there is a need with PROOF, so the

  EVIDENCE will or at least should prove the point.

  In conclusion it a long process for some,

  you never know how it will end, but I always

  keep into my mind and inside my heart that

  JEHOVAH and JESUS will never disappoint

  me, nor you nor anyone else who has put faith in them.

  (Romans 10:11)

  Sorry if the few lines...do disappoint you.

  (I do mean it.)

  J.C. MacHislopp
• 

  philo

  I agree with Mac's point, that people should only reveal themselves to their loved ones on subjects they can prove scripturally. Otherwise there is the likely perception that one's Internet-engrossed mate has become an uncritical disciple of apostates.

  The scriptures some carry weight, even for JWs.

  philo
• 

  MacHislopp

  Hi Philo,

  Thanks for your understanding

  as a matter of fact what I wrote

  is what I'm doing at the moment.

  It is a long process of emphaty

  and understanding, above all for the

  you love so much and having in mind

  that TRUTH and LIGHT go together.

  Greetings,

  J.C.MacHislopp
• 

  Simon

  I learnt a lot of stuff and was doing research before I told Angharad and was totally confident that it wasn't the truth when I started to let things slip to her.
  I didn't tell her about everything I'd found all at once though and really had to keep at it because she was convinced it was 'the truth'. It did put quite a strain on us at the time but I think we're a lot stronger for it now. She's glad I didn't give up trying and now see's it for what it is.
  I would urge anyone in the situation to go carefully, be gentle but don't give up even if you don't think what you're saying is getting through.
• 

  Welshman

  Somebody,
  A bit like Simon really,but I made sure that I researched into the early hours when they were asleep to make absolutely sure.I then went for the holidays first of all and social exclusion at school and my wife was happy with the explanation and it made for a relief in relations with her mother who had always opposed JW's though in a Hyacinth Bucket way which could grate in the extreme...

  Regards Welshman (hoping to recover those lost years...)
• 

  philo

  Welshman

  Are you slagging Hyacinth Bucket? I love that lady. I just wouldn't want to be sharing a square mile with her ya know.

  philo
• 

  thinkers wife

  Excellent question Somebody,
  I didn't have that problem since he left me before I left! One good thing.
  I think everyone so far, has the right idea. Enjoyable getting others input.
  BTW, Welshman, I echo Philo's thoughts! She cracks me up, but it would be scary to have her as a mother-in-law, or in the family at all for that matter.
  TW
• 

  somebody

  Just saying thank-you all, for all of your thoughts and opinions on this topic. I appreciate all of them.

  Thanks again. :-)

  peace,
  somebody

  Edited by - somebody on 6 March 2001 17:30:17
• 

  LDH

  Not really a problem for me, cuz my hubby isn't/wasn't a JW.

  He is totally anti-organized religion.

  However, there are some things I'd never tell him about what I have believed in the past because that crap is just too embarrassing, LOL.