I have had a week to reflect on my life and was thinking about what I have seen, what I am going through, and where I am going. I know many of you here experience unbelievable pain, suffering, anger, depression, and disbelief. I have lived with these myself. I know many of us also have happiness, joy, and a sense of freedom which is hard to put into words. I live this today. My deepest sorrow extends to a very close loved one whom I see struggling to find self worth, a positive self image, and a guilt only religion (Watchtower) can inflict.
It makes me think of the days I wanted to be an elder. I was an idealist who wanted to use my pained experiences to help those that underwent the sadness I see my loved one going through now. As an elder I wanted to take on my congregation members pain so they would not have to suffer anymore. A kind word, an encouraging scripture, a compassionate glance into their heartbroken eyes. I wanted to be Jehovah's instrument for helping those of his sheep that were truly in pain with broken spirits and guilt ridden hearts.
What I have seen the Watchtower turn elders, overseers, and the governing body themselves into are cold shells of human beings that care not for their flock. It is about position, rank, power, money, and ego. It is for this reason it has made me ashamed of what they have become, and what I wanted to aspire to. So what happens now? How do we pick up the pieces and go on? Where do we go from here? The answers are different for each one of us. We all have a calling in our deepest part of our souls, it calls out to us when we actually listen for it. My place in the scheme of things at 27 years of age is not carved in stone as of yet. What i do know I will share and maybe it will help some and maybe it's just interesting reading for others.
With much of my life ahead of me I ask myself: Should I act on the vengenge I feel in my heart and expose the Watchtower for the liars they really are? Do I want to take precious quality time away from my own family to pursue what I feel is justice for those who have been intentionally wronged? Should I turn my back, count my losses or in my case gains, and ignore the Watchtower? Can I do all of the above? I believe my name is Justin for a reason as it is derived from the Latin meaning for "just, virtuous, upright, true, justice". I have always had this sense of justice my whole life, and it has gotten stronger as I have grown older.
I have much anger to let go of and originally I wanted my constructive anger to be pointed at the Society to seek Justice for what has been transgressed against the Pandelo name. As I think clearer now I feel I should leave it behind and dedicate my life into my family. To bring a child into this world someday without the thought of this horrible nightmare my family and I have lived. My sisters Cori and Jenna, and my brother Brett and myself are the new generation of Pandelos'. I want our generation to wipe the slate clean and bring the future generation a deep sense of family happiness and oneness with their Creator without the guilt of an organized religion crippling their future.
When thinking about my children's future and their children's future I realize that now is the time for the decision of what to do with my family's Jehovah's Witness past. I think for the good of my family I will let it go. I don't want this anger anymore. I don't want the 12 years of insomnia anymore. I don't want to take time away from those who I love anymore. Besides the Watchtower will fall on its own without my help. We will see it in our lifetime. The signs are here. The news media will undoubtedly have a negative effect on the WT. I say continue to expose what needs to be exposed. But the media will not secure the end of the WT. They will without a doubt destroy themselves, on their own.
Their policies are both hypocritical and contradictory. Below is just a tip of the iceberg:
United Nations Cover-up
http://www.globalpolicy.org/ngos/ngo-un/rest-un/2001/1030j.htm
Blood Cover-up
http://www.ajwrb.org/basics/abandon.shtml
Financial Cover-up
http://www.watchtowernews.org/france.htm
http://pages.globetrotter.net/mleblank/org/wtbts19981997.html
Sexual Abuse Cover-up
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=27801&site=3
The above "conspiracies" within the Org. are just the beginning. We still have the long awaited Armageddon to go. The 70-80 yrs is basically up. Now what? Undoubtedly new light. There is a pattern here however, and the weak minded who continue to follow after they have been exposed to WT being caught with their pants down so many times will either wake up or die out. There is no future in a lie that is called the truth and hence we have the dissolving of the WT. This is of course if the government doesn't beat them to it.
Regardless, I can rant and rave until the end of the WT and waste half my life on something that will not reward me in the end, or I can start investing my time in my family now and reap the benefits of a truly rewarding life in what Frank Sinatra calls the "Golden warm September of my Years".
Let me close by saying this is my decision, and those who battle for justice and good will always have a friend in me. I applaud the work you do and a piece of me lives through you. I just want to make up for all those lost years of family time now before they are gone. If I throw away those years on a battle against the WT instead of tending to my family, the WT would truly have robbed me from my entire life. My love and compassion extend to all of those on this forum who have been wounded and left for dead by the WT. May your minds and spirits be strong, and the loves that still surround you help you appreciate what a beautiful life you have to look forward to. May Jehovah bless and watch over you all tonight.
Love,
Justin
Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in. - Michael Corleone in The Godfather III.
Love & best wishes to all who support Bill, Barbara, and my parents.
Best Regards,
Justin
