In my emergence from the BORG and finally into the man I was destined to be, I have come to find many ways that the JW religion Emasculates you as a man. One of the greatest IMO is fear of failure.
When you are raised in the BORG you are always striving for an unattainable perfection. Sure they tell you that no one is perfect and we all sin and fall short of the glory of god, but in practice, they urge you to seek and prize the unattainable.
Thanks to WT doublespeak, the mesage that we are imperfect is lost. What comes thru loud and clear is the need to try and be perfect and reach out to do more, always more. You literally cannot do enough for jehovah and this organization. Look at the examples they use such as the woman in the iron lung who pioneered, or the man who served at bethel for years making cheese despite the fact he hated the job. There are myriad examples of people who did more for Jehovah(read the BORG) than your puny, weak, self could possibly accomplish.
So in that state of emasculated embarasment you do not feel good enough. you constantly see ways you can improve and feal the constant fear of failure clawing at your throat.
Failure is a tool of learning for men. We all learn from our mistakes, but failure for men is a test their metal. How can you know your strength unless it has been tested to its limit? Witnesses fear failure. Thats why they take the safe easy course. They dont want to be shown up so they play it safe. Everybody else is getting baptize why aren't you? Everybody else is pioneering out of highschool why aren't you? Your trained to follow along with the other sheep, to play it safe. Hell, they dont even want you getting your own place when you turn 18 for fear of the big bad world. Even the birds of the heaven see the need for their young to stretch there wings.
Fear of failure is a bad thing, because until you can handle loss, suffer defeat and face failure in your most prized endeaver, you really dont know what type of man you are. Its not the nature or size of the failure, its how we deal with it. How do you recover? How do you let it affect you? Most important, What do you learn from it.
Classic example Edison failed 1000 times in his creative endeavors, but he remained optimistic and learned from each failure and there-in lies the key. Most wallow in self pity and doubt of self at the mere idea of failure. They dont look at it as a possible learning experience, but as a possible ocassion to be laughed at.
When you learn to look at failure as a learning experience and a way to test your strength, thats when true knowledge is available to you. When you overcom the fear of failure, thats when your real strength comes thru.
A prime example of a person who had no fear of failure was king David. Despite how you may feal about him, you cant deny that david did it his way. David from youth onward was not afraid to fail. David was a mans man. The bible show us all of davids frailties and weaknesses and yet in still, he is pronounced righteous and a man after gods own heart. That is a powerfull statement.
In all of his sins, mis-deeds and the political intrigue, that surrounded him his whole life, david followed his own rules and his own heart. From the time that samuel annoited him to his death, david kept his own counsel and followed what he believed to be right. Even when warned by prophets about certain actions, david still did it his way...and found favor in gods eyes.
We must not let fear of failure stunt our growth into manhood. We must rise to every occasion and face every challenge that comes our way. We may fail or we may succeed, the key is to attempt it.
Failure
by darth frosty 4 Replies latest jw friends
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darth frosty
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restrangled
Darth Frosty,
An excellent post....
Most of us growing up as JW's never felt good enough. It was beat into the R and F weekly and still is as far as I can tell.
I am female so have no idea how it felt to be a male trying to deal with this attitude.
I do know, that as a girl and then a young woman....nothing, nothing was ever enough. My mom at age 74 is constantly feeling guilty for not doing enough, even though she pioneers, has the bookstudy in her home, etc. etc.
Here is another side to this religion.....having too much financially as the congregation sees it in general and then Watchtower articles feeding that guilt. God forbid the WBTS finds out....they want anything you've got on your death bed. Real estate, cash, jewlery, stocks, bonds....(Didn't do enough in real life....leave us your assests) umm does this not sound like the religion they hate most?
Perhaps this is part of the reason for shunning....Estates are denied to the real heirs and it can now be left guilt free to the WBTS
Wouldn't it be wonderful if we all had every wish, need, desire, and financial obligation taken care of by the Watchtower Bible and Tract Sorority.... the same as those who write the drivel that makes everyone feel so lack. Maybe then people wouldn't feel so negligent trying to take care of their families, homes, healthcare, and bills.
Sorry for the rant, your post just really struck me.
r.
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darth frosty
Thanks R, glad you enjoyed it.
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Quandry
Great post.
As the wife of an elder, I felt the need to be always saying and doing the right thing. The house must always be kept clean. The car. The bookbag. The WT must be underlined. The clothing always appropriate. Did that comment sound right? I could never do enough....
Also, I had to be careful to keep my opinions to myself, especially around men, even when they said or did something that made me angry. Must keep my place.
I never felt good enough. You were so right about the woman with the iron lung, those who had no money but pioneered, the list goes on. Add feeling guilt over feeling tired or down, too.....
Ah, yes, the memories....
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Warlock
df,
For me, it was not fear of failure, it was the frustration of trying to live up to impossible standards. The frustration went away when I finally accepted the fact that no one on this earth can follow the standards set by the Org. in their exteme views of Bible standards, and I slowly faded. Instead of supporting us in our imperfections, they punished us for our imperfections.
In spite of the "everyone is imperfect" mantra, THE ORG. DOES NOT ALLOW YOU TO BE IMPERFECT. THEY REALLY WANT YOU TO BE PERFECT........IN EVERY WAY.
Warlock