What is marking about?

by Missie Eff 11 Replies latest jw friends

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  Missie Eff

  I have a good freind here with me this evening. (Celtic, if you're around you know her - it's Liane)

  There is something that has always puzzled both of us. Liane was "marked" a few years ago for having a relationship with a "Worldly" man (hardly "worldy", he was completely frigid by all acounts - much to my freind's disappointment).

  Until this happened, I had never heard of this practice before. She was not disfellowshipped but the other members of the congregation were not allowed to talk to her apart from in the Kingdom Hall. My husband and I were regularly bugged by the elders because we refused to break our freindship with her - and as a consequence were threatened with disfellowshipping ourselves and lost all of our freinds within the congregation.

  Even when the relationship finished (they were engaged at the time), she was still "marked" for some months afterwards. She was told that the elders could not "unmark" her because she had not been "marked" as such - the congregation were to just see her as someone not to associate socially with. A talk had been given about this over the platform and it was made pretty plain about who this applied to.

  In order for Liane to be accepted back into the congregation, a sign was given, in the form of an elder and his wife inviting her around for lunch. But nothing was said over the platform.

  Reasons for this course of action were given, naturally, from the Organize to Accomplish your Ministry book - but the explanation seemed a little shady at the time.

  What we want to know is if anyone else has encountered the same experience - as far as we know it is relatively rare. Does this procedure happen outside of this area (Cornwall, UK)?

  If only the elders really knew what she was up to......
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  JBean

  Marking is definitely done in the US. It's usually done when someone does something that someone else doesn't like, but there is no real biblical reason for reproving or disfellowshipping. So they've come up with marking... exactly what you said: giving a "generic" talk from the platform but everyone knows EXACTLY what & who it's about. I found in my area that it's usually done to a younger, un-baptized publisher. They go to all lengths to keep the folks in line and afraid to have "bad" association. Usually it's the parents who make their children stop associating with the "marked" person.
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  AMarie

  Ahhhh, the wonderful JW practice of marking.

  I was never marked, but my younger sister was. She too had a relationship with a worldly man, which was totally chaste until their marriage. Of course when the elders pulled her into the library and interrogated her, she had done nothing that meritted a reproof or disfellowshipping. When they advised her to stop seeing her boyfriend, so as not to become "unevenly yoked" with a nonbeliever, she politely refused, because she was doing nothing wrong and was in love with him. This is when they "marked" her.

  It's basically to warn everybody about a person's spiritual condition so they can protect themselves from "bad association" (basically just another way to control the rank and file). People continued talking to her at the meetings, but would never invite her to go out and it was absolutely torturesome for her.

  Sadly, this is something that happens in all Kingdom Halls, not just the UK.

  AMarie
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  battman

  "Mark" my words,

  This type of dsipicable behavior is exactly what
  is causing the decline in "numbers" eluded to
  elsewhere on this board. The "love" shown
  within the "society" will be their own downfall.

  Societies usually change from within, however
  I am always pleased to give a nudge here and
  there.

  battman
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  Judith

  My daughter was marked when she was 16 because some girls told their parents that she was drawing demonic images and writing demonic stories. The elders called a meeting and we were told to bring all of her artwork and stories to be viewed. We did that and they asked her where did she get her ideas for her drawings. My daughter told them from the book of revelation. She wanted to be an artist at Bethel when she graduated Highschool. They told her that only men could be artists so that she need not pursue her artwork. Her writing that was in question was about hunting from the deer's point of view. They actually asked her, "Do you believe that deer can talk? My daughter and I looked at each other is disbelief. She answered and said, "I know they can't talk. They are animals and it is just a story."

  Her best friend was an elders daughter and she called my daughter and told her she would no longer be able to associate with her because of her artwork and stories and that she would have to destroy all of it before anyone would talk with her. We were not told this at the elders meeting but obviously they passed the message on.

  My daughter was the "perfect witness" in their eyes before this and now she was marked as a bad associate. I went to the elders and they said they knew that my daughter had done nothing wrong and was not demon possessed as the other girls had said but that I should wait upon Jah to straighten things out. We were no longer asked to go out in service, no more helping at the conventions, no more association with the people at the hall. I was told a story of a man who waited 10 years before the wrong was righted so I should do the same.

  One day we were the perfect witness family and the next we were marked.
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  Marilyn

  I can't say for sure, but I think my parents may be "marked". They are 80yrs old and 77yrs old. My mother has breast cancer and my father has had two heart attacks and a stroke. They are both in poor health. However, because they would not dissassociate from me (I'm disfed) they are treated distantly by many congregation. I think all it's achieved is to aid my parents into attending meetings far less frequently, as the the meetings themselves are too excruciating on their own to hold their attention. If all you get out of the meetings is boring talks and cool to non existent acknowledgment from the *loving* brothers, why bother at all? Basically what it boils down to is peer group pressure!

  Marilyn
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  conflicted

  A couple in my congregation were marked because their son was caught smoking marajuana. The son was over 21, was not baptized or involved with the dubs in any way, but he lived at home with his parents. There was a talk in front of the entire congregation where this info was laid out for everyone and the elder asked if the parents were going to throw him out. When they refused it was made perfectly clear that the parents, both baptized publishers, were bad associates for not cutting off contact with their son. From that point on they were no longer invited to any function, most people stopped speaking to them even at meetings, and those that did still speak with them were frequently brought into the library for private meetings with the elders. It got to the point that no one spoke to them and they eventually stopped comming to the hall.
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  nytelecom1

  marking is cool becuase we get to punish the
  slackers who are about a month away from being
  df'd or da'd.....
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  Missie Eff

  My good freind says:

  thank you 4 your support and love

  love 2 u all
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  cornish

  Hi! My sister Julia James is in Falmouth cong,Know her?