How can you go back?

notperfectyet

I talked to my parents tonight. The first time in a year and a half. I will save you all the boring details of my life, being raised in the truth by an elder dad, pioneer mom, yada, yada.

Tonight they were very loving and kind. Filled me in on all the details of their life. A childhood friend of mine is their new circuit overseer. The fleshly brother of the family of the overseers wife who I know, who left the org. as a teenager, has finally come back to his senses, after 30 some years, and is active. yada, yada, yada.

My problem is, after everthing I have been through, everything "I" have experienced, how can these people still believe? I don't even care about the son who came back. For what I have learned, his love for his parents is probably stronger than their love for him, so he dicided to make them happy in their old age. They are in their 70's.

My mom said, his mom stopped praying for him to be taken care of, and started praying for him to hit rock bottom, after 30 years, he did, and came back. The mom realized she was praying for the wrong thing. ( Everyone beware, new light, we are all be being prayed for to fall flat on our Butts, than we will come back.)

I love my parents, if fact I told my parents years ago, I loved them more than they love me. I know I do. I would take care of them no matter what. I know they wouldn't even talk to me if I told them what I have come to learn, and believe about the organization.

If I was destitute, living an immoral life, <immoral- insert your own definition here> for 30 or more years, and came back to the organization. I would be a heroine. But to live a moral life now, a good loving mother, pay my bills, pay my taxes, bathe daily, but not believing the organization, I am dead to them, and all the others I have been raised with.

I can't go back, it is all lies. And it all started with no love being shown to me in what I so much believed in. It started as a little seed of doubt, and bloomed into a full garden of reality, and the real truth. I could gain so much in pretending, but I am not that good of an actress. I have to scream and yell to the top of my lungs, "What the hell do 6 million people see in this crap?"

The only thing I can come up with is the hope of everlasting life, and the resurrection.

I hope this hope is true, for all the ones who have lost loved ones, babies, children, spouses, parents. It keeps me going, but at what cost, and is God really backing this up? Is the joke on us? Am I laughing?

How can you go back? and make everything better?

Deacon

you bathe daily?

sheesh how moral can you get...

Deacon

There is much more to the story than NPY outlined.
They know she is remarried.
They know Im disfellowshipped.
They know...lots...

but did they ask about me?
Did they ask about the marriage?
Did they ask anything other than the business in hand? (and that was a favor asked of her)

no

"please keep going to meetings daughter...
You know our beatings and harshness was for your own good...you know we wont talk to anyone associated with the family who is weak or out of the truth....we will ignore all our flesh and blood...why do you all keep away from us? whats your problem? start a study, bomb 'em with love, get their heads wet and then let them fend for themselves...its the right way to be...the Society say so"

er.....

So I never will get to meet the in laws....

sigh... how lucky can one guy get

SixofNine

I find one of the hardest things in life is just to go ahead and be "better" than other people sometimes. I mean really better.

The ideas we were raised with, the idea that we were better just by virtue of going to meetings and keeping our nose clean and doing a few perfunctory if difficult works, somehow doesn't make it any easier to actually be "better", "bigger", when it is appropriate.

It is a soul wrenching spot. Don't let them drag you down. Your love can be bigger than theirs.

Tina

Hi deacon and npy,
I see you're both going thru a lot of soul-searching and confusion now.
It's understandable. I believe you're both in the grieving stage.
Grieving the death of an illusion and a reality that wasn't 'real'.
Acknowledging this death of false hope means we can start looking around for some hopes better rounded in reality,in our own circumstances and our own time. After the grieving phase it becomes an opportnity for personal growth and a triumph of the human spirit.
Wishing you both the best as you begin your journey! luv,tina

Gopher

Deacon, you said:

They know...lots...
but did they ask about me?
Did they ask about the marriage?
Did they ask anything other than the business in hand? (and that was a favor asked of her)
no

My sister is DA'd, I'm DF'd. I have a close friend, DF'd. All of us with parents "in the organization".

One thing in common among all of us, is that our parents "turn off" normal relations with us. Though they claim love is their hallmark, such a claim turns into a lie when dealing with shunned children.

Nobody among our non-JW friends can figure out this coldness, this lack of feeling from our JW parents. It's almost like they have a large rock where their heart should be.

We all agree we TRY to show our parents love & respect, but also agree it's really hard to approach them in this artificial, "conditional love" environment they have created. It seems we're only worth something if we return to becoming slaves to the publishing society. In other words, the interests of the publishing society come ahead of the interests of the family.

So sad, so heart-wrenching, so frustrating. Yet we've come to terms with the fact that we (sadly) may never get our "real" parents back.

Best wishes as you come to grips with all of this! It isn't easy.

GopherWhy shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)

joelbear

My father is 78, my mom is 75. I have been DFed for 13 years. They have never shunned me. In fact, they would love me to come visit them every weekend.

They have even shared meals with Mitch, which I find quite astonishing.

Guess I don't have it as bad as I sometimes think I do.

hugs

Joel

Shaneliza

Joelbear,
You've got it made!!! I wish my mom was like your mom. Do you think they'd adopt me?

Seeker4

NPY,

I understand your wonder at how anyone, especially after being out of the Witnesses for 30 years, could ever go back. But it happens, and here's my take on why.

People leave the JWs for a number of reasons. They may be discouraged, they may learn that some of the teachings are false, they may want to do other things, or they may be stumbled. Some of these never come back, some do, some move into another fundamentalist religion, with a message they like better.

Then there are those that leave because they have moved onto a whole new level of consciousness and spirituality. They have moved up the hierarchy of human consciousness far beyond the basic level of the JWs. You will never see any in this group in some other fundamentalist religion, nor will any of these ever return to the JWs. They have grown beyond that point in human development, and could no more return to the Witnesses or something similar than a 20 year old could become ten again.

S4

How can you go back?

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