When you love something you can't have

by Another Guy 5 Replies latest social relationships

  • Another Guy
    Another Guy

    Here's a little post for those who wonder: Can I have a relationship with a JW?

    Firstly don't just read my story and accept it as gospel as this is only one person's story, but i'm sure it's a common one.

    This all started a few months ago when I started a relationship with a fellow workmate, lets just call her Girl. Now Girl was beginning her life as WT follower and I had been interested in her for quite some time, When I found out that she was a JW instead of giving up I decided to research her beliefs. The more and more I looked into the WT the more and more things I found disturbing, now being brought up in a Christian family I had certain beliefs myself. So instead of stopping there I thought after everything I read that I could actually do something about it, Little did I know that I was terribly wrong. You see I thought I could show Girl what I had discovered about her religion and she would understand. This is not the case and it took me some time and a lot of research from various sources to work out why. Now the following is a very brief explanation and there is a lot more to it than what i'm writing here but, JW's are given beliefs to follow, now firstly they believe there church is the one and true church and all others are wrong, secondly they believe the Governing Body recieves all the guidence from Jehovah and then there are other silly things like celebratons and not associating with "wordly people". Also there is this silly thing that they shouldn't study the bible alone because they may missunderstand the "true" meaning. You will also find that trying to show them evidence contrary to there belief is near impossible, with Girl I was quite lucky I think because she thought I might accept her way.

    Very Important don't change what you believe just because you fall in love with someone, Remember your own beliefs and if you make a change consider everything very seriously.

    If you want to know why people have such a problem with the Watchtower read Raymond Franz's "Crisis of Conscience" and if your thinking it's such a thick boring looking book read Chapter 5 Tradition and Legalism to start with and I guarantee you will be very interested by the end of the chapter!

    Now if your reading this and if you are it's most likely that your finding yourself in the same position. I suggest you seriously consider where your at and where you might want to be, take these couple of points into consideration: Holidays and Celebrations, Birthdays, Marriage ( ooh the "M" word) and Children. Now to tell you the truth it was the marriage side of things and the thought of having children that made us reconsider where we heading.

    Now as I said this is very brief but for some this might provide the answer if not I urge you to contact me, just send me a message. I have heaps of info I've collected over the past few months and with my experience allthough only short in this field i'm sure i'd be able to help.

    Lastly I would like to say a huge thankyou to all who have supported me through this difficult time especially Concerned mama , because without this help and guidance I could still be following that misleading path of sadness. Thanks !!!

  • Gopher
    Gopher

    Welcome to the board, Another Guy! You wrote a very good post.

    You are so right, it is darn near impossible to open the mind of a JW on any doctrinal subject. We've had a series of previous posters who have wondered if it was possible for a non-JW to have a romantic relationship with a Jehovah's Witness. The advice from here has usually been "run for your life!!", unless the person was already leaving JW's or was an extreme borderline case.

    The main relationship JW's have is with their "organization". Even when two JW's are married, the "organization" can come ahead of the mate, especially when the mate who has the stronger belief in the JW system allows the elders or the organization (and its misogynistic family literature) to guide (or really dictate) how they behave towards their mate. And if one mate is inclined to weaken in their belief or perhaps even quit following JW's, there have been cases where "loyalty to the organization" has caused the JW to seek a way out of their marriage, aided and abetted by the congregation elders.

    Bottom line...just like the JW's say, you cannot yoke two people unevenly. If a person is tied to this cultish religion, their first loyalty goes there and you have no chance with them (unless you totally agree with or abide by everything their literature teaches).

  • frenchbabyface
    frenchbabyface

    Welcome !!!

  • Another Guy
    Another Guy

    Well Gopher it's only my second post but my first post was asking exactly what I just answered!

    But it thanks to someone else that I made this post and it's because when I first asked the question if it can work I found I didn't like hearing run, run for your life. Because I was thinking these people don't know her how would they know it's the same situation.

    But anyway just got back from church and met up with heaps of friends, and I falling back on the thought now that I believe in something that is right and true and maybe oneday Girl might see that too.

  • concerned mama
    concerned mama

    You're very welcome, Another Guy. I was glad to explain what I could to you. You were very open to listening.

    To all you ex-JWs, please remember that non JWs come to this forum not understanding the JW beliefs nor culture. While I think "run, run" is not a bad idea, it doesn't explain anything, nor help the person looking for understanding. There are really nice people who happen to be JW, so you have to provide a basis for discussion why the relationship won't work.

    I have found by far the best way is to give the non-JW person real JW literature to read (family happiness book, young people ask and watchtower quotes) and information about the culture such as the double life, appearances and what is expected of a good JW. I'm not comfortable discussing doctrine, but provide websites with information if that is what they want. The couple can then discuss these issues, and see for themselves whether they could form a life together that works and will be happy in the long term.

    I find it a huge irony that I am doing exactly what the Watchtower wants, discouraging mixed relationships. What I hope for is for long term happiness for both partners. Gopher explained it so well.

    Another Guy, you looked at the situation with a loving heart but open eyes. That ability to see reality speaks well for future relationships. I'm sorry for your saddness. A breakup with someone you care about so much, is always really hard. Take care.

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    Dear Another Guy. Thank you so much for revisiting the board and letting us know what is happening in your life. Many of us give our best advice, and never know if anybody takes heed. Remember the healed leper that came back to thank Jesus? I think you are cut of the same cloth as that man. You came back and let us know how you are doing.

    With qualities like that, I know you will make the right girl very happy one day.

    ...and by the way, good going, Concerned Mama!

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