Some advise for a stranger to JWs

Llama

Yeah, i'm a different thinker, floating between budhist and spiritualist ideas, and JW seems so rigid to me, i was quite shocked to read up on it. Unfortunately i have a question for you which i am dreading to ask, as i suspect the answer wont be one i wish to hear.

I have recently fallen for a girl, she is, well her parents are strictly JW as far as i understand, she follows this but has not been baptised yet. i know she really likes me too, but i am not a witness, and i doubt i ever could be. As far as i understand it she isnt even meant to spend any time with me right? surely thats a little wierd, i'm not a religion basher, i understand that many people believe in wierd things, i have some strange beliefs of my own, but if we like eachother is there any reason we shouldnt be together?

i dont know if she's prepared to risk it, and i dont want to be the one to upset any relationship between her and her family. isnt this kinda thing relaxed a bit more now? i'm not exactly gonna sit her down and brainwash her into believing in karma, she can think whatever she wants to think.

i actually see JW as a similar thought to karma, but where as that relies on you having lived wrong previously and experiencing multiple levels of purity, JW seems to rely on having clear karma all the time. It feels wierd being treated as taboo, i'm not a bad guy, but am made to feel like some kind of lower being.

Any help or advise is warmly appreciated.

also any summaries or links to information about JWs, I only know some bits from a few friends i had in school, but that only stretches to no xmas, no RE lessons, no singing hymns, and they had to try and convert people.

Mysterious

As far as i understand it she isnt even meant to spend any time with me right? surely thats a little wierd, i'm not a religion basher, i understand that many people believe in wierd things, i have some strange beliefs of my own, but if we like eachother is there any reason we shouldnt be together?

In my opinion people who like each other should be all means be together. However JWs do not hold this opinion. Anyone who does not share their faith is labelled a "bad association". They feel that by letting people hang out with these "bad associations" they will be pulled away from the organisation. Thus they forbid non-essential (social) contact.

i dont know if she's prepared to risk it, and i dont want to be the one to upset any relationship between her and her family. isnt this kinda thing relaxed a bit more now? i'm not exactly gonna sit her down and brainwash her into believing in karma, she can think whatever she wants to think.

If she's not baptised she cannot be disfellowshipped (thrown out, explled) and thus there would be no official basis for her family shunning her completely. However families very rarely have close ties with "worldly" (non-JW) relatives. So yes it would likely do some damage to the relationship with her parents if she gave up the JWs.

i actually see JW as a similar thought to karma, but where as that relies on you having lived wrong previously and experiencing multiple levels of purity, JW seems to rely on having clear karma all the time. It feels wierd being treated as taboo, i'm not a bad guy, but am made to feel like some kind of lower being.

They egotistically believe they are the ONLY true religion and that the beliefs of anyone else are therefore inferiour and erroneous no matter how good a people they are.

also any summaries or links to information about JWs, I only know some bits from a few friends i had in school, but that only stretches to no xmas, no RE lessons, no singing hymns, and they had to try and convert people.

The top two are more general links and overviews, the others more specific.
http://www.beliefnet.com/story/80/story_8034_1.html
http://www.religioustolerance.org/witness.htm

http://www.geocities.com/osarsif/index2.htm
www.freeminds.org
http://www.freedomofmind.com/resourcecenter/groups/j/jehovah/
http://www.jwinfoline.com/page_phone_transcript_main.htm http://www.jwfiles.com/ In closing PLEASE do not get sucked into this cult no matter how much you care for this girl. Don't let them pull you in too. If you can get her free, great, but don't get involved with them just so you can be together.

Llama

thank you so much for that post, that had the information i needed.

I am not the type of guy who gets sucked in by things, but if i need to then i would like to have some moral amunition to put my case forward, hence i would like to read up on it as much as possible.

It appears my thoughts about it were right, it all boils down to how strict is "strict" when it comes to her family.

i would just like to ask about this:

If she's not baptised she cannot be disfellowshipped (thrown out, explled) and thus there would be no official basis for her family shunning her completely. However families very rarely have close ties with "worldly" (non-JW) relatives. So yes it would likely do some damage to the relationship with her parents if she gave up the JWs.

If the family raised a daughter who did something against the JW system, would the family be shunned by their "church" for not leading a child along a suitable JW path?

Mysterious

There are some who would look down on the family, especially those with "theocratic" (strong JW) children of their own. However the congregation would not shun the entire family, though they may avoid the girl herself. But if the girl were to still be living under their room and carrying on "ungodly" conduct and they didn't tell her to take a hike (assuming she is legally an adult) then their might be more pressure brought on them by the congregation.

Llama

This is just so complicated. I was only told about this today, having already been with the girl for a while, and was shocked to find out i might have done so much damage without realising, i just don't know what to think.

we can already guarantee that her parents won't like me, which is a nice step to have already taken.

jgnat

Llama, it is as bad as you fear....and yes, you would be viewed as "bad association", "worldly", and "pagan" by your girlfriend's parents. All three are swear words in the JW lexicon. This is not just another run-of-the mill religion. It is a high-control organization, and all members must conform or risk discipline, up to and including shunning by family and friends. Have you experienced any of this "shunning" by your GF's parents yet?

Here is a thread I started on "Boy Meets Worldly Girl" a regular phenomenon (it also happens in reverse JW girl meets worldly boy). Does your GF fit any of the profiles described there?

Another thread to get you started, Everything you wanted to know but were afraid to ask. Check out the link, I am In Love With a Jehovah's Witness!

I would have a heart-to-heart with your GF. As she honestly explained the depth of her care for you to her family and friends, or are you kept in the background as a dirty little secret? Honesty is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Good luck, you are going to need it.

jgnat

The family would feel humiliated. But they would be comforted by the congregations for the "sad, so very sad" state of affairs. They would be treated as martyrs, most likely.

SheilaM

Run

kgfreeperson

well, she may just be holding on until she can leave her parent's house and the JWs. So, maybe not run. But certainly clarify.

Llama

I would have a heart-to-heart with your GF. As she honestly explained the depth of her care for you to her family and friends, or are you kept in the background as a dirty little secret? Honesty is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Good luck, you are going to need it.

friends know, family doesnt (on a side note, i've heard her brother isnt exactly a strict jw either, but her parents dont know that either)

she lives about 20 minute drive from me, so she normally drives here for the weekend, while we work during the week and phone eachother, i dont drive, plus i live away from home and dont have a family around me. Thing is she's always been the "good little girl", she's 22 now, but still doesnt want to upset her family. she was visibly upset, crying while she told me. maybe i'm a forbidden fruit, but this took a lot of effort when she could have been with someone a lot easier to be with.

Thanks for the http://members.aol.com/beyondjw/inlove.htm link, that is very handy, i think a good discussion about our beliefs might clarify where our middle grounds are and if there is any chance of either of us accepting the others beliefs. i feel a long talk happening tomorrow, i dont hold out much hope of winning the battle tho. I think her telling me might have been because of some guilt building up about upsetting her family rather than any sort of warning for me, things didnt seem to get worse after she told me, infact quite the opposite, we were able to be a lot more open, and managed to talk about deeper things.

Thank you all for your comments, i'll keep u posted about any further progress.

thanks especially to jgnat and mysterious for the links.

Some advise for a stranger to JWs

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