The Effects of Child Abuse

by Xandria 8 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

Xandria
Being abused and/or neglected as a child are not the only painful and potentially damaging experiences that human beings may suffer in childhood.

Whether or not, and to what extent child abuse and neglect (or other painful experiences) have negative effects depends on a variety of factors - related to the abuse itself, but also to relationships, in which the abuse and the child's responses occur.

Child abuse, in itself, does not "doom" people to lives of horrible suffering.
Child Abuse and the Human Condition
It is important to consider these issues in relation to what some people refer to as "the human condition." By this I mean:
All human beings suffer painful experiences, and some of these occur in childhood.

All caregivers of children are sometimes unable to protect them from painful experiences.

We all need love and support to deal with the effects of painful experiences.

Everyone must find ways to cope with the emotions generated by painful experiences - whether or not we get love and support from others.

Many coping or self-regulation strategies work in some ways, but also limit people in other ways. For example:
Ignoring painful feelings may reduce one's conscious experience of them. But it also prevents one from learning how to manage them in smaller doses, let alone larger ones - which makes one vulnerable to alternating between feeling little or no emotions and being overwhelmed and unable to cope with them.
Avoiding getting close to people and trying to hide all of one's pain and vulnerabilities may create a sense of safety. But this approach to relationships leads to a great deal of loneliness, prevents experiences and learning about developing true intimacy and trust, and makes one vulnerable to desperately and naively putting trust in the wrong people and being betrayed again.
At the extreme, getting really drunk can block out painful memories and feelings, including the feeling of being disconnected from others - but cause lots of other problems and disconnections from people.

Some people suffer more painful experiences than others, and abuse is one of many possible causes of extreme emotional pain (others include life-threatening illness, death of a loved one, physical disfigurement, etc.).

Some people get more love and support from their families and friends than others, and families in which abuse occurs tend to provide less of the love and support needed to recover from abuse. But families in which abuse does not happen can also experience significant problems, and can make it hard for family members to deal with the inevitable painful experiences in life.

Finally, because everyone needs caring relationships and love, emotional neglect can be more devastating than abuse, particularly in the earliest years of life.
The Effects of Child Abuse Depend on a Variety of Factors
We have learned from many people's experiences and a great deal of research that the effects of abuse and neglect depend on a variety of factors. Below I group these effects into those which research has shown to influence negative outcomes, and a variety of other factors that are harder to measure for research purposes and/or may be very important for some people but not others.
Factors research has shown to influence the effects of abuse:
Age of the child when the abuse happened. Younger is usually more damaging, but different effects are associated with different developmental periods.
Who committed the abuse. Effects are generally worse when it was a parent, step-parent or trusted adult than a stranger.
Whether the child told anyone, and if so, the person's response. Doubting, ignoring, blaming and shaming responses can be extremely damaging - in some cases even more than the abuse itself.
Whether or not violence was involved, and if so, how severe.
How long the abuse went on.
Additional factors that are difficult to research or may differ in significance for different people:
Whether the abuse involved deliberately humiliating the child.
How "normal" such abuse was in the extended family and local culture.
Whether the child had loving family members, and/or knew that someone loved her or him.
Whether the child had some good relationships - with siblings, friends, teachers, coaches, etc.
Whether the child had relationships in which "negative" feelings were acceptable, and could be expressed and managed safely and constructively.
Some of these factors are about how severe the abuse was, and some are about the relational context of the abuse and the child's reactions. Both types of factors are extremely important.
A great deal of research has been conducted, and continues to be conducted, on how such factors determine outcomes for those abused in childhood. Factors that increase the likelihood of negative outcomes have been referred to as "risk factors," and ones that decrease the likelihood of negative outcomes as "protective factors." Every person who has experienced abuse is unique. And every person who has experienced abuse has a unique combination of risk and protective factors that have influenced, and continue to influence, the effects in his or her life.
In summary, it is important to appreciate that these issues are very complex, and to be familiar with how abuse and neglect can - depending on a variety of other factors - affect various aspects of a person's life. Keep this in mind as you search and interact with eachother on this forum. You do not wish to harm, shame, or blame anyone for what happened to them. It will just only revictimize them. So be compassionate.
Edited by - xandria on 3 July 2002 6:49:49
Xandria

Part 2:
Resources for Parents & Caregivers
More than anyone else (including therapists), parents and caregivers can help children recover from abuse and its effects.
I have consulted a trusted colleague, a Clinical Psychologist with specialized training and years of experience working with abused children and their caregivers. Below are her book recommendations for parents and caregivers of children who have been abused.
The Sexually Abused Child: A Parent's Guide to Coping and Understanding, by Kathleen Flynn Mach, MSW. Family Insight Books, 1994.
Handbook for Treatment of Attachment-Trauma Problems in Children, by Beverly James. The Free Press, 1994.
Trauma in the Lives of Children : Crisis and Stress Management Techniques for Teachers, Counselors, and Student Service Professionals, by Kendall Johnson. Hunter House, 1998.
See also Helping Traumatized Children: A Brief Overview for Caregivers, by Dr. Bruce Perry, Director of the ChildTrauma Academy.
Childhelp USA's National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-422-4453
(1-800-4ACHILD)
Childhelp USA is a non-profit organization "dedicated to meeting the physical, emotional, educational, and spiritual needs of abused and neglected children." Its programs and services include this hotline, which children can call with complete anonymity and confidentiality. To know what to expect when you call, see How We Help. From the site: "The Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline is open 7 days a week, 24 hours a day. Don't be afraid to call. No one is silly or unimportant to us. If something is bothering you or you want information, CALL!" To learn more about reporting child abuse or neglect in your state, see Report Child Abuse. National Domestic Violence/Abuse Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE
1-800-799-7233
1-800-787-3224 TDD
This is a 24-hour-a-day hotline, staffed by trained volunteers who are ready to connect people with emergency help in their own communities, including emergency services and shelters. The staff can also provide information and referrals for a variety of non-emergency services, including counseling for adults and children, and assistance in reporting abuse. They have an extensive database of domestic violence treatment providers in all US states and territories. Many staff members speak languages besides English, and they have 24-hour access to translators for approximately 150 languages. For the hearing impaired, there is a TDD number. This is a good resource for people who are experiencing or have experienced domestic violence or abuse, or who suspect that someone they know is being abused (though it is not perfect, and may not have the best number in your area). All calls to the hotline are confidential, and callers may remain anonymous if they wish.
Growing Beyond Survival: A Self-Help Toolkit for Managing Traumatic Stress, by Elizabeth Vermilyea.
If you want to start learning and practicing the self-regulation skills essential to recovering from the effects of child abuse, or to build on progress you are already making, I strongly recommend that you get this book. To learn more about the book and/or order it directly from the publisher (for a higher price than Amazon), go to the Growing Beyond Survival page of the Sidran Press catalog.
Trauma and Recovery, by Judith L. Herman. Basic Books, 1992.
I still believe this is the best book on psychological trauma and recovery, particular extreme child abuse. Herman integrates a great deal of research with decades of clinical wisdom and some thought-provoking historical and political perspectives. Trauma and Recovery is appropriate for survivors of child abuse and other interpersonal traumas, as well as clinicians and the general reader.
Legal Resources for Victims of Sexual Abuse
This section of Attorny Susan Smith's web site has extensive resources on remedies for victims, statutues of limitations, and mandatory child abuse reporting laws in most states of the U.S
N.O.M.S.V. - The National Organization On Male Sexual Victimization
Their mission: "Dedicated to a safe world, we are an organization of diverse individuals, committed through research, education, advocacy and activism to the prevention, treatment and elimination of all forms of sexual victimization of boys and men." There are many helpful resources here, including a Chat Room where males with sexual abuse histories provide each other with support, understanding and other helpful input.
Sidran Foundation Online Resources
This is a national non-profit organization that offers services to people who have experienced trauma and/or suffer from dissociative disorders, and those who provide services to them. There are many excellent resources here, including a Traumatic Memories Brochure and a page of Resources for Survivors.
STOP IT NOW!
"STOP IT NOW!'s mission is to call on all abusers and potential abusers to stop and seek help, to educate adults about the ways to stop sexual abuse, and to increase public awareness of the trauma of child sexual abuse."
SNAP - Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests
"SNAP is a national self-help organization of men and women who were sexually abused by Catholic priests (brothers, nuns, deacons, teachers, etc). Members find healing and empowerment by joining with other survivors. We are a rapidly-growing all-volunteer group with 2400 members and numerous local chapters. SNAP was founded by Barbara Blaine of Chicago in 1991."
The Trauma Center
The Trauma Center, founded by Bessel van der Kolk, an leading expert in the field of traumatic stress studies, is a clinic affiliated with the Boston University School of Medicine. The site includes pages on the work of Dr. van der Kolk, including links to his articles on the web and psychological trauma assessment instruments.
VOICES In Action, Inc.
Victims of Incest Can Emerge Survivors - "VOICES in Action, Inc. is an international organization to provide assistance to victims of incest and child sexual abuse in becoming survivors and to generate public awareness of the prevalence of incest.
Edited by - xandria on 3 July 2002 6:46:26
Xandria

This is from a lecture attended for a Health Educator's Annual Conference and I would like your thoughts on it. Some of the information is for people to find help who are suffering from emotional abuse. Emotional Abuse has a wide range and there are some information on finding help. I know they are in Canada b/c that is where the lecturer was from. I know this is a kinda long post.. but it is a serious subject.
Thank you.
Xandria
What is Emotional Abuse?

There is no universally accepted
definition of emotional abuse. Like
other forms of violence in relationships,
emotional abuse is based on power and
control. The following are widely
recognized as forms of emotional abuse:

Rejecting
refusing to acknowledge
a persons presence, value or worth;
communicating to a person that she
or he is useless or inferior; devaluing
her/his thoughts and feelings. Example:
repeatedly treating a child differently
from siblings in a way that suggests
resentment, rejection or dislike for the
child.

Degrading
insulting, ridiculing,
name calling, imitating and
infantilizing; behaviour which
diminishes the identity, dignity and
self-worth of the person. Examples:
yelling, swearing, publicly humiliating
or labelling a person as stupid;
mimicking a persons disability; treating
a senior as if she or he cannot make
decisions.

Terrorizing
inducing terror or
extreme fear in a person; coercing by
intimidation; placing or threatening to
place a person in an unfit or dangerous
environment. Examples: forcing a child
to watch violent acts toward other
family members or pets; threatening to
leave, physically hurt or kill a person,
pets or people she/he cares about;
threatening to destroy a persons
possessions; threatening to have a
person deported or put in an
institution; stalking.

Isolating
physical confinement;
restricting normal contact with others;
limiting freedom within a persons own
environment. Examples: excluding a
senior from participating in decisions
about her or his own life; locking a
child in a closet or room alone; refusing
a female partner or senior access to her
or his own money and financial affairs;
withholding contact with
grandchildren; depriving a person of
mobility aids or transportation.

Corrupting/Exploiting
socializing
a person into accepting ideas or
behaviour which oppose legal
standards; using a person for advantage
or profit; training a child to serve the
interests of the abuser and not of the
child. Examples: child sexual abuse;
permitting a child to use alcohol or
drugs; enticing a person into the sex
trade.

Denying Emotional Responsive-ness

failing to provide care in a
sensitive and responsive manner; being
detached and uninvolved; interacting
only when necessary; ignoring a
persons mental health needs.
Examples: ignoring a childs attempt to
interact; failing to show affection,
caring and/or love for a child; treating a
senior who lives in an institution as
though she/he is an object or "a job to
be done."
1
l
Emotional abuse accompanies other
forms of abuse, but also may occur on
its own.

l
No abuse neglect, physical, sexual
or financial can occur without
psychological consequences.
Therefore all abuse contains elements
of emotional abuse.
2
l
Emotional abuse follows a pattern; it
is repeated and sustained.
3 If left
unchecked, abuse does not get better
over time. It only gets worse.

l
Like other forms of violence in
relationships, those who hold the
least power and resources in society,
for example, women and children,
are most often emotionally abused.

l
Emotional abuse can severely damage
a persons sense of self-worth and
perception.
4
l
In children, emotional abuse can
impair psychological development,
including: intelligence, memory,
recognition, perception, attention,
imagination and moral development.
Emotional abuse can also affect a
childs social development and may
result in an impaired ability to
perceive, feel, understand and
express emotions.
5
How Widespread
Is Emotional Abuse?

Only a few studies provide insight
about the prevalence of emotional
abuse in Canada. Emotional abuse is
difficult to research because:

l
in comparison to other forms of
abuse, its effects have only recently
been recognized;

l
there are no consistent definitions
and it is hard to define;

l
it is difficult to detect, assess and
substantiate; and
l
many cases of emotional abuse go
unreported.
A recent study of Ontario investigations
into child maltreatment found that, in
1993, 10 percent of investigations
alleged emotional abuse.
6
In 1993, 39 percent of women in
abusive relationships reported that their
children saw them being assaulted.
7
In 1995, the Canadian Womens Health
Test found that of 1000 women 15
years of age or over:

l
36 percent had experienced
emotional abuse while growing up;
43 percent had experienced some
form of abuse as children or
teenagers.

Against Women Survey showed that
among ever-married or common-law
Canadian women aged 18 to 65 years,
emotional abuse is widespread. The
study found that:

l
35 percent of all women surveyed
reported that their spouse was
emotionally abusive.

l
18 percent of women reported
experiencing emotional abuse but not
physical abuse in a relationship.

l
77 percent of women reported
emotional abuse in combination
with physical abuse.
9
In one Canadian study on abuse in
university and college dating relation-ships,
81 percent of male respondents
reported that they had psychologically
abused a female partner.
10
In 1995, a study of seniors client
records from various agencies across
Canada found that psychological abuse
was the most prevalent form of abuse.

Questions about insults, swearing and
threats were asked as a measure of
chronic verbal aggression.

Facts to Consider

Emotional abuse of children can result
in serious emotional and/or
behavioural problems, including
depression, lack of attachment or
emotional bond to a parent or
guardian, low cognitive ability and
educational achievement, and poor
social skills.
13
One study which looked at emotionally
abused children in infancy and then
again during their preschool years
consistently found them to be angry,
uncooperative and unattached to their
primary caregiver. The children also
lacked creativity, persistence and
enthusiasm.
14
Children who experience rejection are
more likely than accepted children to
exhibit hostility, aggressive or passive-aggressive
behaviour, to be extremely
dependent, to have negative opinions
of themselves and their abilities, to be
emotionally unstable or unresponsive,
and to have a negative perception of
the world around them.
15
Parental verbal aggression (e.g., yelling,
insulting) or symbolic aggression
(e.g., slamming a door, giving the silent
treatment) toward children can have
serious consequences. Children who
experience these forms of abuse
demonstrate higher rates of physical
aggressiveness, delinquency and inter-personal
problems than other children.
Children whose parents are additionally
physically abusive are even more likely
to experience such difficulties.
16
Children who see or hear their mothers
being abused are victims of emotional
abuse. Growing up in such an
environment is terrifying and severely
affects a childs psychological and social
development. Male children may learn
to model violent behaviour while
female children may learn that being
abused is a normal part of relationships.
This contributes to the intergener-ational
cycle of violence.
17
Many women in physically abusive
relationships feel that the emotional
abuse is more severely debilitating than
the physical abuse in the relationship.
18
Repeated verbal abuse, such as
blaming, ridiculing, insulting, swearing,
yelling and humiliating, has long-term
negative effects on a womans
self-esteem and contributes to feelings
of uselessness, worthlessness and
self-blame.
Threatening to kill or physically harm
a female partner, her children, other
family members or pets establishes
dominance and coercive power on the
part of the abuser. The female partner
feels extreme terror, vulnerability and
powerlessness within the relationship.
This type of emotional abuse can make
an abused woman feel helpless and
isolated.

Jealousy, possessiveness and interro-gation
about whereabouts and activities
are controlling behaviours which can
severely restrict a female partners
independence and freedom. Social and
financial isolation may leave her
dependent upon the abuser for social
contact, money and the necessities of
life.
Emotional abuse can have serious
physical and psychological
consequences for women, including
severe depression, anxiety, persistent
headaches, back and limb problems,
and stomach problems.
19
Women who are psychologically abused
but not physically abused are five times
more likely to misuse alcohol than
women who have not experienced
abuse.
20
Senior abuse is still a new issue and
there is little research in this field on
emotional abuse.
We do know that senior emotional
abuse and neglect can be personal or
systemic and that it occurs in a variety
of relationships and settings, including
abuse by:

l
a partner,
l
adult children or other relatives,
l
unrelated, formal or informal
caregivers, or

l
someone in a position of trust.
Seniors who are emotionally abused
may experience feelings of extreme
inadequacy, guilt, low self-esteem,
symptoms of depression, fear of failure,
powerlessness or hopelessness.
21 These
signs may be easily confused with loss
of mental capability so that a senior
may be labelled as "senile" or
"incapable" when in fact she or he
may be experiencing emotional abuse.
Abusers may often outwardly display
anger and resentment toward the
senior in the company of others. They
may also display a complete lack of
respect or concern for the senior by
repeatedly interrupting or publicly
humiliating her or him. Not taking into
account a seniors wishes concerning
decisions about her or his own life is
an outward sign of abuse.
22
Detecting Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse may be difficult to
detect. However, personal awareness
and understanding of the issue is key to
recognizing it. The following indicators
may assist in detecting emotional abuse.
Possible Indicators of Emotional Abuse and Neglect
Children
23 Adults
depression
withdrawal
low self-esteem
severe anxiety
fearfulness
failure to thrive in infancy
aggression
emotional instability
sleep disturbances
physical complaints with no medical
basis
inappropriate behaviour for age or
development
overly passive/compliant
suicide attempts or discussion
extreme dependence
underachievement
inability to trust
stealing
depression
withdrawal
low self-esteem
severe anxiety
fearfulness
feelings of shame and guilt
frequent crying
self-blame/self-depreciation
overly passive/compliant
social isolation
delay or refusal of
medical treatment
discomfort or nervousness around
caregiver or relative
suicide attempts or discussion
substance abuse
avoidance of eye contact
other forms of abuse present or
suspected
other forms of abuse present or suspected

Legal Interventions

Legal intervention in cases of child
emotional abuse and neglect is
governed by provincial and territorial
child protection legislation. Most
jurisdictions require that alleged or
suspected child emotional abuse or
neglect be reported to child protection
authorities or the police. In some
jurisdictions, failure to report child
emotional abuse or neglect may result
in a fine or imprisonment.
24
Emotionally abusive behaviour such as
repeatedly following the other person
or someone known to her or him;
intimidating or attempting to intimi-date;
repeatedly communicating,
directly or indirectly, with the other
person or someone known to her or
him; harassing the other person with
telephone calls; besetting or watching
the other persons house or place of
work; and/or engaging in threatening
conduct directed at the other person or
a member of her or his family is
criminal harassment. These behaviours
must cause a person to fear for her or
his safety or the safety of someone she
or he knows. Other forms of emotional
abuse such as insulting, isolating,
infantilizing, humiliating, and ignoring,
although serious, are not criminal
behaviours and cannot be prosecuted
under the Criminal Code of Canada.

What Can You Do?

IF YOU ARE BEING ABUSED:
Remember:

l
You are not alone
l
It is not your fault
l
No one ever deserves to be abused
l
Help is available
IF YOU SUSPECT OR KNOW THAT
SOMEONE IS BEING ABUSED:

l
Listen
l
Believe
l
Support
l
Let the person know about available
support services

l
Report suspected or known child
abuse or neglect to a child welfare
agency or the police
IF YOU ARE A SERVICE PROVIDER:
Work with other organizations to:

l
Increase awareness of emotional
abuse

l
Address the needs of those who have
been or are being emotionally abused

l
Keep informed of resources and
materials relating to intervention
and prevention of abuse

Where to Go for Support Services

24 hour help-line or distress line
transition house or shelter
social service agency
child welfare or family services agency
police
legal aid service
health professional (e.g., nurse,
doctor, dentist)
community health centre
public health department
community counselling centre
home support agency
seniors centre
community living association
friendship centre
religious organization ( lol don't know about that one, unless you have a trust worthy person to turn to.. trust your instincts).

Suggested Resources

Canadian Panel on Violence Against
Women.
Changing the Landscape:
Ending Violence Achieving Equality.

Health Canada,
Fact Sheets on Parent-Teen
Relationships; Parent-Child
Relationships; Wife Abuse The Impact
on Children; Family Violence Against
Women with Disabilities; Family
Violence Against People with a Mental
Handicap; Wife Abuse; Dating Violence;
and Elder Abuse. Ottawa: National
Clearinghouse on Family Violence.
The Mental Health Division of Health
Canada has produced a number of
publications on senior abuse and
neglect which are available through
the National Clearinghouse on Family Violence.
The kit is available in both
English and French. Contact: Canadian
Institute of Child Health,
885 Meadowlands Drive East,
Suite 512, Ottawa, Ontario K2C 3N2.
Tel: (613) 224-4144;
Fax: (613) 224-4145.

Nobodys Perfect
is a support and
educational program for parents of
children from birth to age five. This
program, which was developed by
Health Canada, is available in both
English and French. Contact: Canadian
Association of Family Resource
Programs, 205-120 Holland Avenue,
Ottawa, Ontario K1Y 0X6. Tel: (613)
728-3307; Fax: (613) 729-5421.

Getting Our Message Ou
t, developed by
the YWCA of Canada, 1995, is a
handbook to help communities raise
awareness and take action on violence
against women with particular focus on
the media.
Fresh Start by Joan
LeFeuvre, 1992, is a practical guide for
women in abusive relationships. The
YWCA has also produced a kit
Theres
No Excuse for Abuse
which provides
basic information, ideas and actions on
woman abuse and is especially
applicable for rural and remote
communities. All are available in both
English and French. Contact: YWCA of
Canada, 80 Gerrard Street East,
Toronto, Ontario M5B 1G6. Tel: (416)
593-9886; Fax: (416) 971-8084.

A. S. A. P.: A School-Based
Anti-Violence Program
by
Marlies Suderman, Peter Jaffe and
Elaine Hastings, 1993, is an evaluated,
community-based program which
addresses topics applicable to
elementary and secondary school
communities. The program includes
sections on professional development,
handling disclosures, intervention
strategies, overcoming roadblocks,
developing an action plan as well as
many additional resources. Contact:
London Family Court Clinic, 254 Pall
Mall Street, London, Ontario N6A 5P6.
Tel: (519) 679-7250;
Fax: (519) 675-7772.

Interdisciplinary Perspectives:
Interventions for Older Victims of
Abus
e, by Nova House, 1995, is a
manual for service providers which
proposes an interdisciplinary approach
to intervention strategies for seniors
who are abused or neglected. The
manual also refers readers to resources
and sources of support. This document
is also available in both English and
French. Contact: Nova House Womens
Shelter, Box 337, Selkirk, Manitoba
R1A 2B2. Tel: (204) 482-7882;
Fax (204) 482-8483.

A Handbook for the Prevention of
Family Violenc
e, developed by the
Community Child Abuse Council
Hamilton-Wentworth, 1991, is a
resource text for school personnel,
community agencies, health care
professionals, parents and volunteers.
The handbook addresses child abuse,
dating violence, wife abuse, children
who witness wife abuse, and elder
abuse. Contact: Community Child
Abuse Council of Hamilton/
Wentworth, 75 MacNab Street South,
2nd Floor, Hamilton, Ontario L8P 3C1.
Tel: (905) 523-1020;
Fax: (905) 523-1877.

Research Centres on Family Violence
and Violence Against Wome
n: The five
Research Centres form a national
network to achieve academic/
community collaboration. Contacts:

BC/Yukon Feminist Research,
Education, Development and Action
Centre (FREDA
), Simon Fraser
University, 515 Hastings Street,
Vancouver, British Columbia V6B 5K3.
Tel: (604) 291-5197;
Fax: (604) 291-5189.

Research Centre on Family Violence
and Violence Against Women,
413 Tier
Building, University of Manitoba,
Winnipeg, Manitoba R3T 2N2.
Tel: (204) 474-8965;
Fax: (204) 261-3283.
Centre for Research on Violence Against
Women and Children,
100 Collip Circle,
Suite 240, UWO Research Park,
London, Ontario N6G 4X8. Tel: (519)
858-5033, Fax: (519) 858-5034.
Right from the Start: Dating Violence
Prevention for Teens
One Hit Leads to Another (Violence Against
Women) Many of the above listed agencies can also refer you to there sister sites in different countries.
Balaamsass
glueman

I am a male survivor of long-term childhood sexual abuse (10+ years - multiple predators). Being such, I have very strong opinions about the subject. I am grateful that dialogue regarding this, especially regarding male survivors, has increased. Sadly we are so far away from resolutions to this and the overwhelming majority of people are still ignorant of it. Thanks for the posters in helping educate us all.
I'm 39 now and have dealt with the effects in one way or another my whole life. I can checkmark most items on all those lists.
I was in heavy denial until about 30 or so when I first disclosed the abuse to my wife, who I am so blessed to have as an advocate and partner. It has been a long, long road that will not end, however things can and do get better with much help, honesty and perseverance .
Personally, I have received the most help from group therapy with other male survivors. Regretably these types of groups are few and far between and most will not have access to such. I also am in individual therapy, 12-step programs and legally medicated. All of which are essential to my survival. Illegal medications and other numbing techniques only help for so long.
I'm not one for self help books, but in the event there are other male survivors on here (which considering the facts about the epidemic of this, there is one book that has literally helped me survive: Victims No Longer: Men Recovering from Incest and Other Sexual Child Abuse by Mike Lew.
Honestly I didn't read every post here so it may have been referred to already.
If anyone in similar shoes wants to talk, I'm here for you.
Band on the Run

There are two separate Twelve Step recovery programs for adult survivors: AlAno:Adult Child and Adult Children of Alcoholics and other Dysfunctional Families. I found the ACA text very help. They list problems that surface in adult life -14 traits I believe. It was an epiphany. Of course, the meetings are dependent upon the group assembled. There are also phone and online meetings.
The great deference and male dominance can serve no good.
flipper

Good thread, bump to the top
blondie

I was involved in a case helping a young sister and stumbled over the abuse issue in her case and that 2 elders knew about and had not met with the abuser judicially nor talked with her how she was not stained or a sinner but a victim. The elders spent all the time arguing about WHO knew first trying to pass the blame. I had already contacted law enforcement but they felt that the CO and WTS representative were the ones to go with. I pressured them to judicially deal with the abuser and got the young sister the proper counseling she needed. These elders were more concerned that it might get out in the community than helping the victim. It was a big part in helping me leave, not wanting to be a part of this kind of organization.
Balaamsass

So true, and so sad. Thanks Blondie.: "elders were more concerned that it might get out in the community than helping the victim."

The Effects of Child Abuse

Child Abuse and the Human Condition

The Effects of Child Abuse Depend on a Variety of Factors

Share this