For previous sections of this series go to: Take Back Your Life
Take Back Your Life: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships by Janja Lalich and Madeleine Tobias
Take Back Your Life: Chapter 7: Undoing the damage Part 2
Triggers
The floating experiences we discussed in the first part of the chapter can sometimes persist long after a person has left the group. Sometimes it is easy to figure out what triggers them. Other times we need to search for the clues.
What many people don’t realize is that the body has many ways to remember things. We can have an emotional reaction to something or a physical reaction and not have any idea what caused the reaction.
When I was lecturing I used to use this simple exercise to help people understand memory and triggers.
I would ask people to close their eyes and simply listen. While their eyes were closed I would start moving around the room, talking the whole time. I would drop a book, open and close a door, write something on the blackboard. And then return to where I was initially standing and ask them to open their eyes and tell me what happened. People knew I had walked around the room. They heard the book, the door the chalk on the board. Everyone was able to tell me what happened. Some people even said they “saw” it despite having closed eyes (they created an image for themselves). If I had been wearing perfume they many have smelled that. If I touched someone they may have felt that. All the senses were involved in remembering what happened. If I had gone back the next week I suspect most would have remembered what happened.
When a person repeats a task hundreds of times they will remember but it might not be the picture in your head kind of memory. It might be a feeling, a touch, an aroma, a sound that triggers a reaction. The body remembers things even when we forget. Panic and anxiety attacks can be the minds way of remembering. We may not know what triggers the attack but it can be very disconcerting.
Becoming aware of your triggers begins the process of becoming immune to them. (p.109) The author has a checklist of things to watch out for.
Maintain a routine
- Make change slowly-whether physical, emotional, nutritional, or geographical.
- Monitor your health, including nutrition and medical checkups. Avoid drugs and alcohol.
- Reduce dissociation, anxiety, and insomnia through daily exercise.
- Avoid sensory overload. Avoid crowds or large spaces without boundaries (shopping malls, video arcades, etc.).
- Drive consciously, without music.
Reality orientation
- Establish time and place landmarks, such as calendars and clocks.
- Make lists of activities in advance; update the lists daily or weekly. Difficult tasks and large projects should be kept on separate lists.
- Before going on errands, review the list of planned activities, purchases, and projects. Check off items as they are completed.
- Keep current on the news. Headline news and other news shows (such as those on CNN, talk radio, and PBS stations) are helpful, especially if you have memory/concentration difficulties, because they repeat.
Reading
- Try to read one complete news article daily to increase comprehension.
- Develop reading stamina with the aid of a timer, progressively increasing your reading periods.
Sleep interruptions
- Leave talk radio or television news stations (not music) on all night.
Most of all, don't push yourself.
Another useful tool is the Disarming Triggers Worksheet.(7) The worksheet, posted in the second post, can be used to help reorient reactions to cult-induced triggers. Make as many copies of this worksheet as you need and have it around you at all times. With it you will be able to confront your triggers head on and defuse them.
First, name the specific Trigger. Next, write down your Immediate Response to it, both intellectual and emotional? Ask yourself, what does it mean to me now?
The Short-Term Consequences can be emotions of guilt, shame, and fear. People may believe that they must be doing something "bad" and that others were laughing at your stupidity and ineptness, which had been a common occurrence in the cult.
For the Challenge section do some research if necessary. What are the facts? Does the rest of worldy believe this to be true?
Use your imagination in the Results section; see if you can picture and change the things that may happen. Remember those times when your cult or leader was wrong about something. Remember your doubts! Julie can now laugh at the thought of her leader spending 24 hours a day keeping track of all his clients' activities, past and present.
The New Message section allows you to try out messages that can replace the old ones. Examine your feelings about these ideas.
Be patient with yourself. When you make the effort to disarm your triggers, you can make huge strides in regaining freedom from the cult's mind control.
With some modification, the Disarming Triggers Worksheet, particularly the Challenge section, can also be used to examine the cult's beliefs. If obsessional thinking is something that is troubling you, try using an adapted version of the worksheet to lessen the impact of the thoughts. Awareness and practice are key to combating obsessional thinking and specific questions may help demystify the thoughts. Ask yourself the following questions:
- Does the same thought come up repeatedly under similar circum stances?
- What was happening immediately prior to the thought's coming up?
- What meaning does it have for you?
- Is it attached to trauma in the group?
- Does it feel like a compulsion to obey or do something the group wanted?
- What are the feelings attached to the thought? Are you numb? Angry? Frightened?