I've been reading Dr. Phil's new book Family First. One of the factors he includes in creating a "phenomenal family" is to Establish Meaningful Rituals and Traditions, and I'm finding myself having lots of moments with regard to my JW upbringing and why it sucked so badly. And more importantly, it's becoming very clear that the lack of these activities among JWs contributes to the ease with which so many of them can turn their backs on one of their own in favour of The Organization?.
Whether it was the traditional holiday dinners you enjoyed at your grandparents' or the vacations you took every year with your parents, we all remember events and celebrations that define who we are as a family and how we are connected to one another.
The only definition our family had once my parents got involved with the JWs, was being JWs. We stopped associating closely with non-JW relatives. We stopped visiting them at holiday times. Once Mr Scully and I became Inactive™ JW relatives stopped associating with us. Without the JWs' in the picture, our family never would have become so disconnected.
... predictable activities and patterns in your family life that serve as psychological and behavioral anchors for your values and beliefs, provide your family with a sense of stability and identity, reinforce your family's heritage, give your family meaning and continue to create rhythm in your family's life.
What are the "predictable activities and patterns" of the JW life? Don't they revolve around 5 meetings a week, Field Service™ on weekends, Circuit Assemblies™, District Conventions™, Special Assembly Days™, Special Talks™, Memorial™, and other JW-related activities? None of these activities have anything to do with individual family members, but focus solely on the WTS.
...family rituals are activities that are repeated, deliberate and coordinated and have meaning. You make a commitment to do these activities. You don't do them only when they're convenient and blow them off when they're not. The power of rituals and traditions is found in their repetition. Without these defining characteristics, a ritual falls to the level of being just a routine and loses its power.
Rituals... help your children acquire a sense of continuity, security and love, particularly in today's world where there's so much family brokenness and emotional distance, and a pace that's, literally, a blur of hyperactivity, diversion and distraction, and what I call living in the laser lane.
Holidays, vacations, family reunions or other special events that bring families together are examples of traditions. Traditions aren't meaningless habits or ways of doing things; like rituals, they create a sense of identity and a sense of belonging among family members.
So important in family life are rituals and traditions that social scientists tell us that without them, a family may be lacking in certain ways. Your children are more likely to develop behavioral problems, you'll experience more conflict in your home and, in general, you'll create less family stability. What's more, rituals have been found to produce positive changes in the physical body, in the form of stronger immunity, lower levels of stress hormones and reduced blood pressure.
It makes me wonder just how much the WTS knows about the positive and strengthening psychological effects of family traditions and celebrations. Did they ban the observances of Pagan™ holidays and birthdays with the knowledge that it had the potential to weaken family bonds and make it easier for JWs to show their loyalty to the WTS by shunning those who do not conform?
I am really starting to believe that this was a deliberate and calculated move on the part of the WTS to weaken family allegiances and replace those with loyalty to the WTS. And it's worked.
Love, Scully