The Disfellowshipping of Jane

by jst2laws 38 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  jst2laws

  I was preparing comments on another thread and some strange memories started to surface. One that had haunted me years ago was the disfellowshipping of Jan. She was a 30 something woman who had found herself single when her husband ran off with her good friend. Jane was no angel herself though: a slim, suntanned, blonde headed, party girl who's life style had made her quite familiar with the judicial process, which is how Jane and I became more acquainted.

  But the last session with the JC was a little different in that she did not feel she had committed fornication (porneia) because in her mind they had not had sex. She admitted to spending the night with the guy but when the committee pursued what had happened she said it was VERY intimate but they "had not had sex". They were naked and in bed and as she said "he just did his THING". I was rather naive about sex and as curious as I was about "his THING", I did not pursue it. I encouraged the other elders to not dig into details because she had said as much as she was comfortable saying and we did not need to remove what little dignity she had left.

  WITHOUT EVER KNOWING WHAT SHE HAD ACTUALLY DONE WE VOTED TO DISFELLOWSHIP HER.

  WHY?

  1 By her own confession she had spent the night with a man and by WT rules that was enough, if we FELT she had engaged in sex, to take action.

  Strong circumstantial evidence, such as pregnancy or evi-
  dence (testified to by at least two witnesses) that the
  accused stayed all night in the same house with a person of
  the opposite sex (or in the same house with a known
  homosexual ) under improper circumstances, is acceptable. Unit 5b page 111

  2 The other WT technicality that justified our taking action was that WHATEVER "his THING" amounted to, it sounded like por.nei´a. It must have been some kind of sex act, beyond my imagination, and that is all we needed, we had another WT guidline to justify ourselves:

  The term por.nei´a lays emphasis on both the lewd
  nature and the intent of the person's conduct, and it
  embraces all illicit sexual activity characteristic of that
  found in a house of prostitution. KS book Unit 5a page 94

  So this surely came under "all ellicit sexual activity characteristic of that found in a house of prostitution". The truly strange thing about this is:

  WE ARE ALLOWING A BROTHEL TO DEFINE por.nei´a FOR US AND THEREBY THE "HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION" DECIDES WHO IS THROWN OUT OF THE CHRISTIAN CONGREGATION.

  I suppose I don't need to tell you I feel bad about this now. I remember wondering even then why God was allowing the perverted imagination of 'unprincipled' people to define the standard by which we judged this woman? I am so glad I'm no longer involved in this mess, I wish I could apologize to her.

  Has this occurred to anyone else?
• 

  Amazing

  Hi Jst2laws,
  

  Yep ... been there ... done that ... I have sat on both sides of the JC arrangement. It was not fun on either side ...but, when I was there, we were not as nice as you were ... we did things far more painful to the alleged sinner ... we grilled them for details (not me but the other Elders - I didn't have the guts to ask for the details - but I also did not have the guts at the time to stop it.) Then, we did NOT disfellowhip, but kept them around to grill them more every three months as we determined whether they were continuing to be repentant. Real life example:
  

  "Brother, how many porn movies did you rent? Over what period of time? Were you alone? Did you stay clothed, or were you naked under your bathrobe, or did you just simply walk around your house naked? Did you wear your wife's underwear before, during, or after the movie? Did you masturbate while watching the movie, or after it was over? Did you reach orgasm before, during, or after the movie? Did you leave the movie laying around where your family might see it, or did you make an attempt to hide it? Why did you not involve your wife in watching the movie? Did you feel guilty? Where did you rent the movie? Did you use a credit card, or pay cash --- where they might have seen your name or not? Did you go to another town to hide your identity, or did you rent it locally? etc, etc., etc. ...and then finally, What was the name of that movie again?" ... followed by laughter.

  The follow-up meetings were less grilling, but we started off easy and became more inquisitive:
  

  "Brother, how are things going?" Fine. "Well, you know what we mean, have you watched anymore porn movies?" No. "Really, that's good. How about masturbating, how's that going?" Fine. "How's that? Do you mean that you are not masturbating since our last meeting three months ago?" Well, not exactly, I've just made some improvement. "Oh, how is that going? Are you down to once a day, or once a week, or what?" ... Down to what? ... blah, blah, blah ...

  I did not like it, and I am glad that I resigned being an Elder.
• 

  czarofmischief

  I remember the humiliating detail I had to go into during my own JC for sex. Man, the lewd detail they demanded! Sick, dude.

  I refuse to call it fornication or immorality or porneia or anything like that. It's sex. It was fun, and I'd do it again!

  CZAR
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  stillajwexelder

  Yes all sounds familiar to me -- glad I am not an elder anymore either. I swear soem elders "got off" on information like this though
• 

  Narkissos

  One thing I'm really glad about is that I never had to sit this side of a JC.

  Thinking of such an experience, I'm all the more respectful of people like Steve and Jim who have, but later had the guts (or heart) to admit how silly that was, despite of all the guilt involved. So many people in that situation just harden their hearts down to the end.

  I love this particular "Gospel" which stands complete in three words: do not judge (and you won't be judged). No "belief" nor "work", no "ransom sacrifice" required. Just do not judge. The biggest challenge to a religious mind perhaps.
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  minimus

  Well meaning elders have no choice but to follow Watchtower rules when it comes to the judicial process. Elders, themselves are scared of doing the wrong thing when it comes to following the rules. Perhaps if some elders wanted to do it their way vs. the Society way, the elders might not get legal help if something is challanged. The Society always had a way of making the elders feel that they could find themselves alone---with legal problems unless they followed the letter of Society law.
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  Shutterbug

  The oral sex stupidity is what sent me over the edge. My Dad, a non JW, told me on more than one occasion, while I was growing up, that what folks did in their private lives was their business and no one elses. I sat on one JC which involved oral sex and suffered thru the entire process. We didn't ask detailed questions nor were they df'd, but it was enough to make me almost throw up. Later the WTS flip flopped on this issue and then I really got angry.

  This all happened over 20 years ago and I can still see the faces of that young couple. I felt dirty then, I feel dirty now. It is something that will not go away. Bug
• 

  mpatrick

  Hi (((((Steve)))))!

  I have had a couple of close friends that had to go before the elders and were disfellowshipped for sexual misconduct.

  One friend was disfellowshipped because she didn't cry when she went to the elders, they told her that they didn't feel she was truly sorry because she didn't shed a tear.

  Another had an affair with a married man (an elder at the time) and when she went to the elders they asked very explicit questions about their sex acts. This same elder that she had the affair with also had an affair with her fleshly sister.

  I could go on and on...there were even situations like this within my immediate family.

  I have never understood why they needed such graphic information...are elders trained to ask such questions?
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  franklin J

  been there; done that.

  After full time pioneering for four years, I left the "full time preaching work" to attend college to study architecture. This was back in 1977. And since my father was an Elder, we were given a very hard time. When I returned from studying in Italy, I was met with a judicial committee where I was accused of fornication. A young sister from the congregation ( who my parents said was interested in me; she was from a dysfunctional, untheocratric, family) told the elders that I told her I had "committed fornication" while abroad.

  Truth is, at that age I had not even become sexually active, being from that pioneering background and mindset. I was too afraid to even experiment with a cigarette. ( that was a good thing)

  It played itself out in loud, showy displays of power and anger from the local elders. The meetings were always at nite in the kingdom hall library, and the leading elder ( I do not remember if he was the PO at the time, ) screamed at me , waving his finger, like I was some criminal; that I was a liar. My father sat patiently next to me, we listened and I denied all the charges, because, in fact they were all false. The elders all were all irrational . I suspect that these elders from the Huntington congregation back then had something to prove, and that young pioneers cannot just leave the preaching work and go to college without being "marked".

  They even produced this young sister at one of the meetings and she called me a liar to my face. After 2 or 3 meetings I told my father I had had enough; and that I was not going to any more judicial meetings. When the leading elder threatened me with DF, I told my father ( who was an Elder, but he was supportive of me) that I was going to sue the Elders. I contacted a prosecution lawyer and threatened to sue every elder of the Huntington congregation for slander and harassment. They were each sent warning letters from the attorney, who was prepared to proceed with the action.

  It seems that the elders took the situation to the CO, who took it up to Watchtower and the direction came back to " do nothing". My lawyer at the time claims that WT did not want the negative publicity, and the elders realized that they would have been left holding the bag of legal defense to protect themselves and any assets ( like losing their house) they might have had. My father claimed that they were "railroading" me towards disfellowshipping, and another elder told hime that they had " secret investigations" against our family. At that my father blasted them, told him what he thought of all of them personally, and resigned as an elder. He and my mother faded away, just after I did. My sisters faded away also .

  In hindsight this is all hilarious; at the time it was painful and stressfull and totally uneccessary. Life itself thows us enough curve balls without having to "create" situations.

  regards, Frank
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  Elsewhere

  It played itself out in loud, showy displays of power and anger from the local elders. The meetings were always at nite in the kingdom hall library, and the leading elder ( I do not remember if he was the PO at the time, ) screamed at me , waving his finger, like I was some criminal; that I was a liar.

  Odd... I've never heard of them doing that to an accused child molester.