Original Sin For Dummies showed that man's imperfection and misery via the Adam & Eve story had to come about due to Gods messing up our genes. But that's not the whole story. God had a whole passel of gene messing up to do after he messed up humans genes in Eden. Fast forward to about the time of the flood and let's listen in while God and his helpers do their strategy planning:
God: Well, I'm just about ready to bring on the worldwide flood and kill everybody! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Helpers: You are such a prankster God! But we've got another problem we need to deal with, God.
God: Yeah? What is that?
Helpers: After the flood you've got to mess up the genes in tens of thousands of animals.
God: Why do I have to do that?
Helpers: Because in about 4,000 years some two-bit Cult is going to claim you did that and they are also going to claim that they speak in your name through your personal direction and they are the only ones on earth representing you.. You don't want to have your reputation ruined by making them wrong, do you?
God: I guess you're right. What do I have to do?
Helpers: Well, this religion is going to claim that NO animals were carnivores before the flood, and after the flood, due to man's screwing up everything, YOU made many of them into carnivores.
God: Why-in-the-hell would they ever made such a stupid claim?
Helpers: As we said God, they are a two-bit Cult!
God: I see. But the animals are all doing fine as they are. After all, we have the Cheetahs and Lions with three stomachs and flat teeth for chewing the cud, and I built them to run especially fast. In fact they are so fast, no bale of straw or hayfield could ever outrun them.
Helpers: Do you want this two-bit Cult to made you look bad, God?
God: I guess not. You've got a point there. Ok, let's get to work. Give the cats big fangs and re-work their genes so they can only survive by eating meat. Make sure their poop is really stinky too, will you?
Helpers: We'll get right on it.
God: Now what about snakes? Men are already afraid of snakes because of what happened in Eden. I especially liked the part where I ripped off their legs and made em slide on their bellies. Did you see that big dump Eve took when she saw me do that? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
God: Hey, I've got a great idea. Let's make some of those snakes deadly poisonous and leave the others the way they are. It'll probably take thousands and thousands of those dumb humans dying of snake bites before they finally figure out which ones are poisonous and which arent. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! While you're at it, make some of the sea snakes poisonous too. Musn't forget those stupid humans who go for swims, you know. Oh yes, and make snakes eat animals live that are MUCH bigger than the diameters of their bodies. That will share the crap out of people when they see those bodies all distended.with the prey still wiggling around in those snakes! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
God: Speaking of the water, we've got to have more carnivores other than just sea-snakes. Give those kelp-eating sharks I made some really sharp teeth, no, make that three SETS each of sharp teeth and make them capable of eating anything, including man.
Helpers: Gotcha, God.
God: Let's see now. Kids like to play with frogs, so make some of them poisonous carnivores. Better yet, make some frogs that can kill you by simply touching their skin. Gotta keep those kids in line.
Helpers: What about bugs? Do you want to make any bugs poisonous carnivores?
God: Yes, we really should. Didn't I make a bug that sucks straw through a long sucker?
Helpers: Yes, God. Its called a mosquito.
God: Yeah, that's it: a mosquito. Well, make the mosquitoes so they land on creatures and suck out their blood, and make sure those mosquitoes are capable of giving fatal diseases to their victims. Hey, I've got a GREAT idea! Only make the FEMALES the ones who do the damage. Do the same with some of the spiders. That way, men can blame females for all their problems because we all know it was Eve's fault in the first place. Adam would have never done any wrong if I hadn't given him a bitch to hang around with.
Helpers: Is there anything else, God?
God: Come to think of it, yes. All these predators we're going to make can be seen with the naked eye. Sooner or later man is going to identify them all and avoid them. Sure, it'll take millions and millions of deaths before they figure it out, but eventually they will figure it out, so I've got another neat idea.
Helpers: Whats that, God?
God: Lets make some kick-ass viruses!
Helpers: You're such a prankster, God!
Farkel
Edited by - Farkel on 13 June 2002 17:35:3