What to do when a loved one is sucidal

by Xandria 9 Replies latest watchtower scandals

  • Xandria
    Xandria

    Sucide has been a issue in many JW's lives. This is based on professional advice, published experience, and expert opinion, but do NOT represent therapeutic recommendation or prescription. For specific information and advice, consult your personal clinician

    Suicide can be prevented. While some suicides occur without any outward warning, most do not. The most effective way to prevent suicide among loved ones is to learn how to recognize the signs of someone at risk, take those signs seriously and know how to respond to them. The depressions and emotional crises that so often precede suicide are in most cases both recognizable and treatable.

    Know the Danger Signals

    • Previous suicide attempts: Between 20 and 50 percent of people who kill themselves had previously attempted suicide. Those who have made serious suicide attempts are at a much higher risk for actually taking their lives.
    • Talking about death or suicide: People who commit suicide often talk about it directly or indirectly. Be alert to such statements like, My family would be better off without me. Sometimes those contemplating suicide talk as if they are saying goodbye or going away.
    • Planning for suicide: Suicide individuals often arrange to put their affairs in order. They may give away articles they value, pay off debts or a mortgage on a house, or change a will.
    • Depression: Although most depressed people are not suicidal, most suicidal people are depressed. Serious depression can be manifested in obvious sadness, but often it is rather expressed as a loss of pleasure or withdrawal of activities that had been enjoyable.
    Be particularly concerned about depressed persons if at least five of the following symptoms
    have been present nearly every day for at least two weeks:
    • depressed mood
    • change in appetite or weight
    • change in sleeping patterns
    • speaking and/or moving with unusual speed or slowness
    • loss of interest or pleasure in usual activities v
    • decrease in sexual drive
    • fatigue or loss of energy
    • feelings of worthlessness, self-reproach or guilt
    • diminished ability to think or concentrate, slowed thinking or indecisiveness
    • thoughts of death, suicide, or wishes to be dead
    Take It Seriously
    • Three-quarters of all suicides give some warning of their intentions to a friend or family member.
    • All suicide threats and attempts must be taken seriously, even those of teenagers among whom such threats are more common.

    Be Willing To Listen

    • Take the initiative to ask what is the matter, and persist to overcome any reluctance to talk about it.
    • Even if professional help is indicated, the person you care for is more apt to follow such a recommendation if you have listened to him or her.
    • If your friend or relative is depressed, don't be afraid to ask whether he or she is considering suicide, or even if they have a particular plan or method in mind.
    • Do not attempt to argue anyone out of suicide. Rather, let the person know you care and understand, that he or she is not alone, that suicidal feelings are temporary, that depression can be treated, and that problems can be solved. Avoid the temptation to say, You have so much to live for, or Your suicide will hurt your family.

    Be Actively Involved In Seeking Professional Help

    • Encourage the person to see a physician or mental health professional immediately. Since suicidal people often don t believe they can be helped, you may have to do more. For example, a suicidal college student resisted seeing a psychiatrist until his roommate offered to accompany him on the visit. A 17-year-old accompanied her 16-year-old suicidal sister to a psychiatrist because the parents refused to become involved.
    • You can make a difference by helping those in need find a knowledgeable mental health professional or a reputable treatment facility.

    In An Acute Crisis, Take the Person To An Emergency Room Or Walk-In-Clinic At A Psychiatric Hospital

    • Do not leave the person alone until help is available.
    • Remove from the vicinity of the potentially suicidal person any firearms, drugs, razors or scissors that could be used as aids to suicide.
    • Medication and/or hospitalization may be indicated and may be necessary at least until the crisis abates.
    • If a psychiatric facility is unavailable, go to the nearest hospital or clinic.
    • If the above options are unavailable, call your local emergency number. Chances are the dispatcher can help you locate immediate psychiatric treatment.

    Follow Up On Your Loved One's Treatment

    • Suicidal patients are often hesitant to seek help and may run away after an initial contact unless there is support for their continuing.
    • If medication is prescribed, take an active role to make sure the patient follows his or her prescription, and be sure to notify the physician about any unexpected side effects. Often, alternative medications can be prescribed.

    National Youth Crisis HotlineA 24-hour crisis line
    1-800-784-2433 (800-SUICIDE)

    Other links :

    http://www.psycom.net/depression.central.suicide.html

    http://www.afsp.org/index-1.htm

    http://www.afsp.org/survivor/home.htm

    I truely hope these sites help you. Take care of yourself and know that there are people out ther who do care.. and all you have to do is ask for help.

    Xandria

  • ashitaka
    ashitaka

    Good post....thanks Xandria.

    ashi

  • avengers
    avengers

    Thanks. Very good info .I've seen several teenagers with suicidal tendencies. Now, years later after some of them left the WT, they seem to be doing much, much better. I see many kids at this moment who are still in the WT whom show severe signs of depression of which you talk about in your post. Damn Watchtower! Can you imagine how much damage the conventions will inflict on these young persons lives?

  • rob
    rob

    Thank you for posting this. My only sibling, my brother, committed suicide. The burden of dealing with his mental health AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, the burdens placed upon him by the WT were too much for him. I have 3 beautiful children who will never know their uncle. I so wish that my parents had ignored the advice" to wait on jehovah he'll fix everything..." and had gotten my brother the help that he needed WHEN he needed it. This cult has cost some of us so much.

  • crawdad2
    crawdad2

    thank you xandria.............those warning signs were very good.

  • Xandria
    Xandria

    Karen, I am so sorry that you had to go through that .. and with out much of a support structure. You could of really had used it, at that time. I am glad though that the friend you had that was an officer was there for you. He definately saved your life. I am sorry your husband could not get the help he needed. To me the lashing out of his family .. is because they are in pain. They did not see what a dark place he was in. An you did try to warn people. They are angry because they did not inact.. so it is much easier to blame someone else for your own failures. This is something they are going to have to work through.

    I just wish someone refered you to the resources States have on Mental Health. My mother-in-law was and Health Educator for several years and I have worked in Behavioral Health. There are resources that can link you with a support group, specialized counseling and even survivor counseling. Also as his wife, you could have had him committed.. believe it or not. They would have held him for observation because he was a danger to himself and others. But as you say.. you can only do so much. If the person really is determined to harm himself.. then he/she will do it. Most Sucide attempts are a cry for help. Then there are the ones that are from severe mental disorders. Just so you know you are not alone. Any time you wish to talk email me and let me know.

    Xandria

  • Xandria
    Xandria

    Rob:

    I am glad you liked the post. The pain of someone's loss is not something any one wants to go through and if it can be prevented.. I am all for it. I am also truely sorry for your loss Rob. An I do understand your anger and pain. The un-necessary loss of someone is most painful. The people who are left behind often wonder what more could of been done and I know that if help was available your brother may of not have taken his life. But there would of been a Choice given to him and a way to over come what ever was plaguing him at the time. An any religion or organization who doesn't help someone, is not a organization I personally want to be affilated with. WT preaches to love your brother /sister... Wouldn't you think that they would try to help that brother (or sister) rather than harming them further ?

    Don't ever be afraid to help someone you think is in a crisis situation. The worst thing you can do is not ASK the question. They get mad they get mad. ..but at least they know you care and that they can ask for help.

    I know you will share w/ your children your good memories you have of your brother Rob. An I know it won't change that he is not here with you any more, but it can soften the blow a bit. All one can do it try to help someone else, not go through the loss we have encountered.

    Xandria

  • Xandria
    Xandria

    Advengers:

    All you can do for the ones still left in this "religion" where free thinking is squashed. Is offer them the clear choice and information for help. Fear may be keeping them in this bondage of depression and oppression. Many teens think that death is a way out. Some even think in a strange way that ..the attention it brings will make everyone realize the issue.. and it will, but they will no longer be here to help change what was wrong. An sometimes, they are gone and the issue still remains behind, unchanged. Dying is easy... it is living that is a challenge.

    Fear is a strong emotion.. and I have noticed how the Society uses it. If you question something you are going to die in Armageddon ?! how else are you going to learn things. On one hand they say ask questions during study. Do notice how the answers are pre-scripted ? Is that free questing of a question.. I think not.

    They twist things to make you feel guilty, that you don't have enough faith to believe in it. It is not a question of faith. It is a question of what is the truth. Would you believe someone or trust someone who threatens you with disfellowshipping ? over the slightest inquisiton. What are they hiding that is so severe .. that they would disfellowship you over asking a question ?

    If you know someone who needs help but aren't sure they know who to turn to the best thing to do. Is offer that help.. at least give them a number where they can call. They don't have to give them their name or where they live. Even if it is just to talk freely... sometimes a listening ear can be someone's hope. Below you will find some other links that may be someone's life line.

    Hopefully we can come together ourselves to help those who feel hopeless.

    Xandria

    http://www.thelink.org/index.html

    National Mental Health Association: 1-800-969-NMHA(6642) 330 affilliates nationwide providing treatment referrals & services

    Prevent Child Abuse: 1-800-244-5373

    Children of the Night: 1-800-551-1300A 24 hour a day runaway crisis hotline

    Runaway Hotline (National) 1-800-621-4000

    Trevor Helpline - GLBT youth: 1-800-850-8078

    Compassionate Friends-parent grief: 1-630-990-0010

    Friends of Battered women and their Children: 1-800-603-4357

    Al-Anon Meeting information: 1-888-425-2666
    Alcohol and Drug Helpline: 1-800-821-4357

    Provides referrals to local facilities

    Domestic Violence Hotline (National): 1-800-799-7233
    National Domestic Violence

    Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network: 1-800-656-4673

    Renfrew Center for Eating Disorders: 1-800-736-3739

    Cuting Yourself?: 1-800-366-8288

  • Kingpawn
    Kingpawn

    As someone suffering from clinical depression I wanted to elaborate on some of these:

  • depressed mood
  • A warning sign from a Reader's Digest article that clued me in on my condition was that a person can see something that needs to be done--and that's as far as it goes. All their energy has gone into recognizing it. The same article also said to be alert if he stops shaving--but didn't say why. They no longer care enough about themselves to maintain personal hygiene? I don't know but it makes sense. And someone suddenly becoming very quiet and withdrawn *may* be a warning sign.

  • decrease in sexual drive
  • This can have other causes besides depression. Decreased hormone levels for one. No romance in the relationship, or when foreplay and when/where sex happens is as predictable as a computer booting up. Fatigue from a job or "positive stress" (a promotion can do it as much as a demotion) or parenting. Or the internal struggle to accept an "unacceptable" sexuality. Certain meds (ironically, those for depression as well as for cardiac disease, for example). An impending layoff. The knowledge of a terminal illness.

  • fatigue or loss of energy
  • Goes along with depressed mood.

  • feelings of worthlessness, self-reproach or guilt
  • This I can identify with. I spent years getting a college degree. In the second half, my youngest daughter wanted to play with me in the yard, and I had to keep turning her down because of homework. Finally she quit asking. I got the degree, but it's obvious how much the f@$%#ing thing's worth to me. I work in a meat processing plant on the floor (Production), not in the office. If you've heard Harry Chapin's "Cat's in the Cradle" you know how I feel.

    • diminished ability to think or concentrate, slowed thinking or indecisiveness

    Some meds are known for this too though. Also diabetes--early sign of low blood sugar.

  • thoughts of death, suicide, or wishes to be dead
  • And these thoughts are not always verbalized! IOW, just because they aren't saying it doesn't mean they aren't thinking about it.

    Another one: the sad person suddenly seems very happy. It doesn't mean the crisis has passed. Many times it could signal they've made their decisions about how and when, figuring "Soon my problems will be over" and are waiting for an opportunity.

    I can't say being an xjw did it (though it hasn't helped). Goes back to an abusive stepfather imo.

  • Xandria
    Xandria

    King,

    You are on the right track of trying to go on and who knows life is strange at times. Don't ever give up hope of having a relationship w/ your family.

    Xandria

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