Glad to make your acquaintance.
You will find several others here who have share your regrets, or at least went through a period of dealing with such regrets. I have personally gone back to some of the JW friends to apologize for counsel I had given. I wish I could apologize to those I assisted into the bondage.
Since, I have decided not to burden my self any longer with guilt. As others have brought out we were all duped. We were 'True Believers'.
I am very concerned about the loss of your son. I hope that is not another cause for guilt. You may be going through a variety of emotions in the near future, including depression. I can assure you when you are ready to express yourself, there will be much support from people who understand, no matter how unique your experience.
I'm glad you found friends here, just as I did about 18 months ago, while still serving as a elder. Looking forward to hearing more from you.