marriage without affection/sex/touching (page 5)

nugget

So sorry, it is cruel to deny intimacy and it is wrong to be a thankless bitch. Just because you do not share religious belief it does not mean that there should be a denial of affection.

If this situation is unlikely to change how long can you continue to live in this way? Is it better to be alone with the opportunity to find someone who loves you rather than staying with your wife and trying to change a bad situation? If there was no sex but your wife showed affection and appreciation in other ways then there is a reason to be together otherwise you are just two people occupying the same space with no emotional connection.

Everyone needs to feel loved, sex isn't everything but it is important in a marriage.

I would talk to her frankly about how you feel. Ask her if she will agree to counselling. If she won't work with you and doesn't want to change then perhaps you need to rethink your relationship.

dozy

A male relative of mine ( he & his wife both JWs ) is going through the same situation. They have both had affairs & been reproved which has left a lot of bitterness. They haven't had sex for ages ( she regards him as a good friend - nothing else ). Essentially they live together as roommates in a kind of uneasy peace - she has his life , he has his. It kind of works for them in a sense for the time being as they have kids - there is no easy way out as they would be DFd. At least you don't have that hanging over you.

Speaking from a guys point of view , once a woman no longer shows any affection and refuses to have sex then it is very difficult to turn that situation around. My relative works like a trojan around the house even though he has a full time job & his wife basically sits around the house ( other than going out on the ministry on a Wednesday morning. ) He is a decent kind romantic guy but it has little effect. Look at the numerous case studies online , such as http://athomedad.org/node/3897

I guess you sooner or later have to make some kind of judgement about whether things will get better , what obligations you have as far as kids etc are concerned and whether leaving her ( and all the toxic unravelling that would be generated ) would be worth it. But make no bones about it - marriage without sex or affection isn't a marriage. You are just house mates.

JWB

Having some sort of control in the sex live's of a couple is a powerful tool in helping to diminish the strength of the bond between those two people. When it comes to the WTS, it is my opinion that they would rather a person have a deeper bond with 'the organization'. Since 'the organization' is not a sexual being it cannot tempt persons to engage in extramarital sex with the possibility of creating another strong bond with them. So it has to try other ways of getting a person to put their partner in second place.

Control of the sexual union is one method. They know that when a couple give themselves fully to each other in sex that will only help to deepen the connection between them. The great pleasure and reliance on each other in the sexual union draws them closer together. That is why I think some relationships fail when either or both partners allow the WTS to come between them.

Unfortunately I think there has been so much guilt plastered on JWs regarding sex that it can seriously impact on the ability to relax and enjoy what the WTS must admit is a gift from God. My advice to those who have left the organization but have a partner still inside is to make sure this aspect of your life, if possible, continues to be important and something you regularly engage in. Becoming sexually distant from your partner will only make it easier for them to drift away from you emotionally and cling more to 'the organization'.

mrsjones5

I have a friend who was married over 20+ years, had three kids (all are young adults now), worked two jobs, took financially care of the household, neither he or his wife are jws, sincerely loved his wife. The wife kicked him out of his own bed (this lasted for the last seven years of his marriage), slandered him at church (I was in a ladies bible group with the woman and she had the nerve to complain that her husband couldn't keep a job and it was stressing her out (she lied), took any opportunity to sart a fight usually over nothing, accused the husband of seeing other woman because she had found a Victoria's Secret catalog in the house, got the husband (who was desperately trying to save his marriage) to refin the house and then took most the money.

My friend tried so hard to save his marriage, the wife refused marriage counseling so he would go by himself! After all that stupid drama the bitch (yeah I said it cuz that what she is) finally asked for divorce, took what money she could and left the state. My friend didn't want that but he finally realized that she did not want him (the sex was only the tip of the iceberg IMHO).

Bella15

This is such an issue in the lives of JWs ...

FlyingHighNow

I think the person who cuts out affection, sex and touching breaks a marriage vow first. A huge vow to break. If the other mate whether it be the man or woman, finally strays, the former doesn't have much right to complain. I know it hurts. But honestly, if one of you wants normal romance and sex and the other does not, how fair is it?

Magwitch

Marked for later

Quarterback

Someone once told me. Marriage is like playing a card game of Eucure. If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

JWdaughter

Zeb, I think you are done with this subject, but just wanted to add my 2 pesetas worth-I was in such a marriage for many years. I am female and my ex husband got the urge about every 2 years or so. I can't blame the WT for him-he's got the Catholic guilt, I guess. Anyway, I divorced him. I am really happy I did it and while I missed certain aspects of marriage, he is not one of them!

marriage without affection/sex/touching

Black Sheep