Would this bug you? (page 3)

ohiocowboy

Food is too expensive nowadays, and unless she is indigent and can't take care of herself, you need to look after your own family first. Even if she can't take care of herself for some reason, you still have an obligation to YOURSELF and your family first and foremost. If she is over a lot, and assumes that you will always cook, ask her to go to the store with you when you go grocery shopping, and ask her to pay her share of the bill. I guarantee you that she will not be so antsy to come over as much for dinner!

I know, believe me I know how you feel about not wanting to have a confrontation with her. In real life, I am one of the most passive people you would ever meet, but the past couple of years I have learned to look out for myself more than before. It's not easy. I'm not saying being mean, as there are ways to get a point across with kindness. If you want a change, unfortunately it is on you to ask for it, since your friend is not being considerate to your own feelings on this particular matter. Like I said, a REAL friend will understand your concerns.

Take small steps at first. If you cook for her tonight, ask her to help set the table, and when you are done, ask her to help clean up. It is only fair. Hey (your friends name here) can you help me load the dishwasher? I had a busy day today and I could sure use the help! If she helps, talk to her, joke around, or do whatever you do with her. It will help lighten the mood.

Another option is to ask her son to do the dishes, or at least help his mother while she is doing them.

Again, I know how hard it is, but you need to look out for yourself! You and your time are just as valuable as your friend's. And, as I said, if she is a real friend (Which it appears that she is in other ways), she should be more than happy to help, and she shouldn't be upset at all.

If she can't afford food, maybe you could help her apply for food stamps, etc.

I realize that she has helped you out in other ways, but if you are feeling stressed about cooking and cleaning after her, you need to say something, otherwise it may build up inside you which is not good for you.

Just my 2p

What time should I be over for dinner?????

james_woods

I repeat again. The thread is worthless without pictures.l

red21

Not mean spirited. My parents taught me at an early age to help clean up when a guest in somones homes and those that don't, I find to be very lazy people to start with. Like others said, I would show up at dinner time at her home too. The older you get, the less you can deal or should have to deal with lazy visitors and free loaders!

still thinking

I am going to do that Ohio...I will ask her and her son to set the table...he is not a baby by the way, he is 14. That way I don't have to see their faces while they do it...LOL the rest of the advice is solid too...I will try more next time I think.

Bloody hell I feel dumb...who'd have thought something this simple could be so hard.

ohiocowboy

You shouldn't feel "Dumb" at all. You are very intelligent (Empathetic too!) from what I have read of your posts! Your concerns are very valid, and it is not our faults that we didn't learn certain coping mechanisms while we were JW's.

Have a wonderful evening!

still thinking

Well thats dinner on...spagetti bolognaise if your coming round ohio...we're in NZ so better leave soon.

I just remembered an incident from last year while I was cooking...

My friend gave me some babysitting vouchers for my birthday..which was really nice since we hardly get to go out anymore. So I took her up on the offer a few weeks later...unfortunately...my friend assumed we would be feeding them both before we went out to eat???? I could tell when they arrived that they were looking for food, and nothing was cooking. Of course my 4 year old had chicken nuggets and things earlier, since he thought that was a treat and we were going out. I ended up looking for left overs for them...and buying pizza. Seriously...who does that?

Ohio...I have the knives and forks out ready for them to do their thung...I feel so uncomfortable right now...but I'm gonna do it. I know afterwards I'll be thinking to myself...'what was the big deal' but right now...I'm not thinking that at all...

by the way ohio...I didn't quite make it to the dunk tank...so I'm an ex study...whew!

lumper

I am old enough to have lost some friends and acquaintances to death. So I say to you, picture yourself at your friend's funeral and realize they will never again invite themselves over for dinner. If that makes you sad, accept them as they are, and consider yourself blessed to be able to answer Christ if he asks when you fed the hungry- "Every few weeks when _________ and _______ dropped over unexpectedly."

Snoozy

Have dinner earlier..later just have a light lunch type meal..or dessert..

They say it is better for you anyway to eat your heavier meal in the middle of the day and eat light in the evening..

If you continue to feed them you could say lightly "Next time we can have dinner at your house, I'll bring desert this time.."

karter

If Ohio can't make it can i come as i'm not far away??

I'm vego BTW.

Aussie Oz

Perhaps if you dont want to re train her, you can look for some balancing aspect of the friendship...

what does she 'give' to the relationship that you dont give to her?

maybe she gets food and friendship and you get support in other things?

maybe if you do like the friendship it's not really worth messing with...

Oz

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