I don't like "taking the lead"

by I Want to Believe 20 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  I Want to Believe

  Some men probably got off on the power/ego trip being a male JW gets you, but I never cared for it. I'm an introvert, and was an especially awkward one at that haveing been reaised in social isolation, so it was about the strangest feeling in the world when as a newly-baptized teenager (back in the day) I started to pioneer. I was about as green as you could get in every way but I was told I had to take the lead in the service meetings and the car group. So here I was, stammering my way through it for the first couple of months while lifelong pioneer sisters and elders' wives practiced their patience. I tried to get out of it a few times and, true story, one of the sisters (unprepared for such an event) had to pull a napkin out of her purse to put on her head in order to help me out ('cause nothing says respect for Divine Authority like wearing a napkin). Out in car groups, pioneers would hand me their territory cards and ask "How do you want to do this?" I had no idea, it was their territory! Then there were those who would just lay out everything we should do but then add, looking at me, "Does that sound good?" It was very odd, like I'd been put in charge of a company after applying for the mailroom.

  Recently, I told my wife that I'd rather be her partner than her head and she didn't seem to know how to take it.
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  No Room For George

  Man you have no idea how much I can relate to your post. March is going to be a particulary tough month with this Dirty Thirty auxilliary pioneer thing. They made an announcement last Thursday in relation to this special month of activity that on Sundays the publishers should see their field service overseers after the meeting for field service arrangemenst. I thought to myself, "great, just what I need. Have to take the lead holding the hands of other adults and peddle mediocre literature to an apathetic public."

  It's funny because people in our congregation might view me as being confident, meanwhile I've more self doubt than OJ Simpson during the civil trial. It's a lotta pressure at times, and in the midst of handling it is not big deal, but the period of time when gathering the courage to actually take the lead in Theocratic matters is where I think one day I'll have a heart attack. My anxiety spikes when thinking about taking the lead in service, or hearing my name during the announcements as being one of the brothers with a part during the Service Meeting. I just absolutely hate that kind of attention. You know, I might have signed up to do the Dirty Thirty had it not been anounced that they were going to read off the names of all who are doing it, but I just hate that kind of attention, although the fact that I'm doing it may bring unwanted attention too.

  ). Out in car groups, pioneers would hand me their territory cards and ask "How do you want to do this?" I had no idea, it was their territory! Then there were those who would just lay out everything we should do but then add, looking at me, "Does that sound good?" It was very odd, like I'd been put in charge of a company after applying for the mailroom.

  I hear ya! At times when I take the group out, if another brother or sister has territory, I'll ask them flat out how they want it handled because they might be out during the week when I'm work, so maybe they have a certain method to their madness and I'll gladly oblige. Besides I view it like we're all adults, there shouldn't be any so called "taking the lead." So long as it's not completely unorganized I don't see anything wrong with stepping back a bit.
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  just Ron

  Like family trips every one gets input thay way we can all have fun. Because if it was up to me to decide alone no one would have any fun because we would go salmon, trout, swordfish, or bass fishing every year.
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  Londo111

  I am not a natural leader either. Nor do I think there should be human "leaders" in a Christian sense.

  I can relate to the above experience--I was appointed a Ministerial Servant when I was still a teenager. And I tried to regular pioneer for a time. Sometimes I would conduct book studies when the book study overseer could not, or was called to other book studies to conduct. And, of course, I had to take the lead in field service sometimes. And yet, there were brothers there in their 50's or older…not to mentioned mature sisters. I felt like a fraud and an idiot. I never had a thirst for desire or prominence. I felt that many congregation tasks could be easily done by sisters.

  Often, the organization's main qualification is field service hours and a Y chromosome. You could be incompetent in every way, and not scripturally or practically qualify in any way, but if you have those, it's good enough for the hierarchy.
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  Fernando

  Might I suggest you find yourself unable to respond to the invitation of the "god of religion" (Satan the Devil) to join the power-mongering, abusive and spiritually blind, confused, inebriated and insane ruling religious clergy class and hierarchy?

  Methinks this is a very good thing actually.

  It is exactly to persons such as this that Jesus calls and says come as you are and as soon as you can.

  The call of the unabridged gospel message is directly opposite to the call of religion.

  It is no accident that Watchtower religionists know nothing of the "good news according to Paul" whereas more than half the Bible's 152-odd references to the "good news" are by Paul!!
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  Londo111

  Oh, a funny experience. After conducting a book study when I was a timid teenager, I had a little kid come up to me, stick his middle finger in my face, and punch me in the nuts (pardon my French).
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  No Room For George

  …not to mentioned mature sisters. I felt like a fraud and an idiot. I never had a thirst for desire or prominence. I felt that many congregation tasks could be easily done by sisters.

  Yeah, this too, I was trying to word it but couldn't quite put it together, but this is exactly how I feel at times.
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  Band on the Run

  The sarcasm about the napkin is priceless. I recall a sister wearing a hanky when my father was present. They could not make out who he was. We did some things and not others. And my father spent more than a decade at Bethel when it was small. He knew everyone. It was so funny. He wasn't man enough for her. It wasn't a lace mantilla or shawl either. Just a dime store hanky.

  Hankies are male deflectors. The piece of cotton or linen allows power to suspend outside the sister's body. My gm was so opiniated. She was a feminist JW. All her son-in-laws had to do was to remind her that she could never tell them what to do and she behaved outwardly.

  Sometimes I just laugh so hard that other people experienced the same craziness. It is interesting here to hear from JW men. Your life looked so golden b/c of your penises. If a teenage boy was not intimiated and awkward, he should be sent to some far away Federation penal colony to protect the universe. Life is always greener..........
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  rebel8

  The napkins are beyond dumb. We had a preteen who was baptized, so every time he was around, we had to wear random napkins on our head, usually McDonald's crumpled leftovers or tissues we had packed for runny noses.

  I am a natural leader, always have been since very young childhood, so maybe that's yet another reason I didn't fare well in the Borganization.
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  simon17

  I remember it was strange being baptized in my mid teens, and all of a sudden, when going out in service in mid-week I'd be "in charge" of pioneer sisters who were smart, experienced for decades, and much more capable of making decisions than I was at that point. It made no sense in this millennium. The most capable should be taking the lead, not the only man in the room de facto.