Long-Term Effects of Physical Abuse

by rebel8 31 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

rebel8
Obviously this is a very personal matter. I can't believe I'm posting it here but I need to make myself. I'm probably going to regret this.
I have discussed before that I was physically abused and neglected as a jw child. The abuse did not start until jw got involved in our family. Obviously the jw abuser in my family was not forced to do it by the cult but clearly she was pressured to. Recently I had another one of those disturbing dreams and it has me thinking about the long-term effects.
This scholarly article has some interesting information but little seems to apply to me.
- Aggressive and Violent Behavior
- Nonviolent Criminal Behavior
- Substance Abuse
- Self-Injurious and Suicidal Behavior
- Emotional Problems
- Interpersonal Problems (as defined by "feeling shy and self-conscious and feeling that one is not understood or is disliked"--I am the opposite, I am numb to others' opinions about me.)
- Academic and Vocational Difficulties (I am successful in this area but have had some conflicts over certain things, always with a theme of me being unable to tolerate injustice or dishonesty, even putting myself at serious risk to rectify the wrong.)
On pg 9 there is an interesting summary which names certain protective factors that predict better outcomes--cognitive abilities (interesting, I wonder why that would matter), returning to school (I did), and removal from the abusive situation during childhood (I wasn't).
This article talks about physical health problems in adulthood. Bingo. So I guess I somaticize it all.
So those are the consequences I generally don't have, what do I have? It's hard to figure out b/c I don't know what it's like to be a non-abused person. My guesses are a history of deliberately creating distance in adult relationships, even if it meant ending it just to avoid being too close, and a total lack of interest in being a parent (which IIRC did pre-date my jwism though), and my perception that life is a series of serial battles for justice to fight, and the one I'm going to win is always the current one. I also do not like physical affection from anyone but my husband. I dunno what that's about.
A few times I've punched people who startled me. At least one deserved it. I hate being in a room with my back to others. I am generally prepared for warfare--guns in the house that I know how to use, etc. I check my car for people hiding in there before I get in. There are alarms and lights on my property. I know a lot about laws--studied it in college--and have exercised my legal rights many times. In fact my profession is legalistic. I guess this is all related.
Please post your insights/experiences. Thanks
CandleLight

Hi Rebel 8 :-)
When something is so long term it is hard for the sub conscious to realize its gone. Especially triggers like being startled. Thing that have helped me is when my mind continues to take be back in time, I look around and evaluate where I am now. Am I really in danger?
Looking in the back of your car is just good common sense. But feeling a constant state of awareness and fear of abuse from an undefined source is not. It's over. But your mind hasn't healed yet. Do what you can get process and heal, and you will be able to feel some peace.
Much love and thoughts headed your way.
Candlelight.
finally awake

I was physically abused as a child, although not on a regular basis and not nearly as severely as many people here. I have never thought about my "issues" as being caused by or related to that abuse, I always just assumed I was weird. But I recognize a lot of the traits and habits mentioned above in myself. It seems that I have been able to build a relatively successful life for myself and my family, but I wonder what else I might have done without all that baggage weighing me down.
Anony Mous

Hi,
I hope you don't regret posting here. First of all, you may need professional help to get over some of your fears. It is always good to remain vigilant but I personally experienced that the world is not that bad out there and the majority of people are not out to hurt anyone. The fact that you can react violently to perceived threats is a big red flashing light with sirens that you're not over certain things.
As one of my posts makes clear, I have also been physically and mentally abused and the abuser has always been protected by the JW organization (head of household, do not spare the rod, don't go to the police as this will bring reproach on the organization's name, no JW eye witnesses...) even though my brother developed epilepsy, my mother had seizures (which were blamed on demons), me and my mother both attempted suicide and I was thinking of it a lot, I attempted running away, I developed drinking problems at 16, the school and doctors started noticing etc.
I've gotten over a lot of things but it will always have an impact. Write down what you actually would like to change (eg. affection from others, having to sit in the corner of a restaurant (I prefer that as well), always looking over your shoulder, having the feeling of being followed (I still have that as well), needing alcohol or drugs to calm you down in certain situation, always guarding your stuff and feeling someone is out to take it (I still have that)) and then make up a plan on how you will try to get over it. One thing you could do is just move over one booth or table in a restaurant so there's only 1 group of people behind you and get comfortable with it and for each point make up small steps you think you can handle and see how it goes.
Talk to your husband and friends and see if they can help you with anything. I found out people will accept you and help you out especially if they know your background. Talk about your JW-involvement and abuse even though it may be difficult and you feel embarrassed, most people will not scorn you for it but try to understand. I have a lot of people that asked me questions about the JW and one of my friends actually had a JW come to his door and he had an enlightening talk with them about the two-witness rule and the abuse in the church (they formulated some excuse and left never to return)
IMHO

I don't want to minimize what happened to you in any way but the symptoms you mention are suffered by many people for many different reasons. I don't see how (or why) they should be attributed to past abuse.
I for one have many (but not all) of the symptoms you mention.
Anony Mous

@IMHO I agree there are many reasons one could have these types of symptoms. Even though past abuse may not be the sole reason for it, the literature on the topic suggests that it can contribute to it (meaning there is statistical evidence that such people are more likely to develop it). Other reasons could be repressed memories of sexual or other abuse, the process of deprogramming from cult practices which likewise has an effect on ones social life, behavior and even sexual/lifestyle choices and preferences, adjusting to life outside a cult or without constant control etc. etc.
I am not qualified to give any suggestions regarding the reasons behind it and I suggest nobody does give suggestions as to what the reasons are or are not, only a mental health professional can find that out after a careful process.
I do suggest that if you have personal experiences and solutions or just something good to share that may help Rebel8 find some relief without going through (sometimes expensive) healthcare please do share. Sometimes all that one is looking for is to share their problems and they may not even need a solution just somebody that sympathizes with them.
mrsjones5

"I hate being in a room with my back to others."
My husband was severely abused as a child by his single mother. When we go out to a restaurant he never sits with his back to the front if the establishment, never.
its_me!

Rebel8---I was physically and psychologically abused by my JW father. I have some of these symptoms, but the one that bothers me the most is feeling like nobody likes me. I know that it is irrational. I know that there is always going to be some who like you and some who don't. Perhaps the real problem is that it really upsets me when someone doesn't like me. I'm starting to address it and changing my internal dialogue.
I tell myself that to worry too much about who doesn't like me is futile. I tell myself to do the best I can to be a good person, and not to care when someone doesn't recognize or appreciate it. I never realized how much the things I said to myself in my "brain conversations" were having an effect on me. I was constantly telling myself that I was stupid or ugly, or annoying. Really tearing myself down. I also have no interest whatsoever in having children. Have you ever analyzed the internal conversations you have with yourself? I would be interested to hear what you and others' who have been abused say to themselves, and if changing internal dialogue has proven effective in changing negative self images.
rebel8

I can think of 2x I punched people who startled me, both about 20 yrs ago, grabbed me and I didn't know they were there.
I am more vigilant than others and do believe others who suddenly grab me without my knowledge are still at risk of being hit though. So is anyone who hits me. Fortunately neither happen.
The idea of writing down what I want to change is a good one. But...I don't want to hug people (ewww) and sitting in the middle of the room doesn't irk me enough to worry about it. Maybe the problem is I don't care?
I get nutty around the holidays. I tried to pick arguments and can't stop remembering fighting/abuse when I was a kid during holidays. I've gotten much better with this very recently by positive self talk. Not too long ago, I couldn't stop talking about it at xmas dinner though I badly I wanted to shut up. I probably ruined several xmas dinners for others.
the symptoms you mention are suffered by many people for many different reasons.
That is totally true, I realize.
I didn't mean to make this a thread all about me but I was genuinely wondering what others experience in the long term. Or maybe it all fades away?
Have you ever analyzed the internal conversations you have with yourself? I would be interested to hear what you and others' who have been abused say to themselves, and if changing internal dialogue has proven effective in changing negative self images.

Interesting. My conversations go something like, "People are idiots and it doesn't matter what they think. In fact if they dislike/criticize you it's because they're jealous/sad/hateful/don't like themselves/dumb/lack class/lack taste." Actually that's what they went like when I was a child. It's long been 2nd nature for me to not even consider what others think about me. I don't even think about it actually. I'm numb to it, to a fault. In my job I need to care a little about what others think and sometimes I totally disregard it.
trueblue

Child abuse with the witnesses is something really hard because no one understands it, I know from personal experience, it is probably worse than being in the Vietnam war were many in service have developed post traumatic stress disorder. I have talilked to psyics, one says to me that I have ptsd under the worse case cinario ever heard of and doesn't understand how I have made it this far in life with out hurting myself or some one else and at the very least serving a life sentence in prison, but you know what has really helped me is knowing what it is that is bothering me, that is the key.
You will never get over it, there is no cure, but it is treatable... What happens is there are events that happen that remind you of the past and your body has a physical memory and the events trgger your physical memory and sometimes to me I have noticed that it is like stepping through a time zone or another deminsion or something then you start reliving the past experiences as if they are still hapenning when they are not. For me the best thing to do is assert myself work really hard on something and wait for it to pass and realize that it will pass. Don't loose any sleep over it, it is vital that you get your reast, and stay away from things that remind you.
You may need medication especially if you can not get your rest, I don't know you should consult a doctor on that. I think it is better if you can do it with out med.s myself, but again I am not a Doctor...
They usually prescribe seroquel and lexapro.
Be careful if you self medicate, that is pretty common for someone with ptsd to do. Stay away from the uppers...
I would like to have a big fat Doobby about now myself.

Long-Term Effects of Physical Abuse

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