by punkofnice 28 Replies latest social humour
Think About It - Great feets of strength!
Pams Girl - Cactus LOL
N.Drew - Hygene at all times
Flying High Now - Eat the hole out of a Polo first!
Auzzie Oz - Stay single and bring the kids up the same
Charlie Brown Jnr - Fake it for sure!
White Dove - Good innit!!
My latest top tip:
''STAY ALIVE TIL '75!''
Floss. I say floss!
N. Drew, this is so important. When my Dad moved in with me, I had months of fighting with him to get him to brush and floss his teeth. It was obvious he hadn't really been doing it... and he hadn't been doing it for years. I watched him floss one evening and that was it. I had to take over doing it for him. What a little snark boy he was with me. I told him he wasn't being nice and that to live in my house he had to clean his teeth properly. Dementia is a sad disease.
Winter tip: layering is essential in cold climates. The first or base layer must be thin and wick away moisture (silk or polyester or microfiber like Hot Chillys), second layer is cotton, I like a turtleneck and leggings, third layer is fleece (fleece is better than down as it dries quicker... down works but if it gets wet it's wet for a long time), fourth layer is a windblock/good winter jacket and snow pants. Simple and effective. Also, a good pair of winter boots and gloves/mitts are key. I love my Sorel snowmobile/snow/winter boots with the thick felt liners and of course layered socks.
Follow these tips and you won't be cold.
Don't be born into a cult.
Heaven - Wow. Now how's about a spring collection of dowdy 'failed circus' clothing!
Mickey Mouse - True say!
HALITOSIS sufferers. Try to regulate your breathing so that you breathe out when everybody else does.
PHILANTHROPISTS. Be careful when giving street alcoholics money for 'a cup of tea', as some of the less scrupulous ones may be tempted to spend it on strong liquor.
MURDERERS. Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it to yourself via DHL. You will never see it again.
CONVINCE your friends that you play the trombone by standing behind a screen and farting into a watering can.
Wash you hands before having pee, if you have been chopping chillies!
cantleave - Unless you're a masochist!
ALCOHOLICS. The foil bag from inside a wine box makes an excellent pillow to go to sleep on and provides a handy source for your 'Hair of the Dog' on waking.
I like Billy Connoly's tips for old guys like me :
1) Never pass up the opportunity for a pee.
2) Never trust a fart.
3) If you do ever get an erection, use it !
wobble - Number 3
DON'T BOTHER going to any trouble for loaded, elderly relatives. As their parting shot, they invariably leave the lot to someone who has never lifted a finger to help them.
