Woe is me...

gutted

I need to get this out and this is the only place I know that it will be ok to do so.

So I've been out (inactive) for over a year a half now and decided I wanted a relationship with a non-JW, obviously. I'm in my late 20s and never really had a girlfriend. It doesn't help that I'm an introvert and not a very social person, add to that the guilt and control issues I have from JWs and I don't think I have many outgoing attractive qualities.

I have been on dates with about 4 girls so far, one I approached randomly and the others from online dating. The latest girl after the second date texted me that we aren't compatible which sucked but oh well.

I still feel somewhat optimistic but am having a lot of thoughts of being a "forever alone". At times I think that it'll be ok, but I know this is actually a really hard part of my life right now. I have so little experience and girls around my age have so much more which I find intimidating.

The online thing is going hard, I've worked on my profile and messages but I barely get any replies and if I do it doesn't go past a reply or two.

And I've read a lot of information on dating and self-improvement, I dress well and take care of myself but still no dice.

I don't necessairly blame JWs because my other friends who left at the same I did are getting girls, one recently got a girlfriend so I've come to the conclusions my personality sucks or is lacking which has been very hard on me and I feel depressed a lot.

I'd like to hear from people that have been in a similar boat... I know the old advice of "just get out there" but I've tried that and feel like giving up.

Robdar

Nobody ever got anywhere by giving up. Keep going to events you find interesting. When you find a gal that you think is cute, give her a smug grin then turn away and ignore her for a few minutes.

You might also want to go out with a buddy to do a little flirting. That way you'll have support. Also, don't make everything serious and don't take yourself too seriously either. Girls like guys who are fun and in charge.

N.drew

Please learn to apply the AA slogan to your life "one day at a time". You say "" I still feel somewhat optimistic but am having a lot of thoughts of being a "forever alone"" but that is self defeating.

My wisdom about love is limited, but I think it is true (for women, I don't know about men) that once you stop looking, then you will find. It means that when you are happy with the way things are for yourself, then you will be more attractive to someone else. Which isn't fair, but it might work! Be happy! Find contentment. Do not worry about what won't happen or even what will happen. Just live each day the best you know how, which you seem to be doing. Keep doing it.

lisaBObeesa

Most people start dating around 14 and keep dating for around 7 to 10-sih years before they are ready to find a person to marry or very seriously commit to. Many people take much longer.

Give yourself some time.

Don't be hard on yourself or feel like it is never going to happen. You WILL find someone in time. Don't worry.

But you have to go through all the things everyone goes through learning about dating and yourself and relationships. You can't skip those steps you missed as a teenager. You have to have all the first silly dates, then some rediculous relationships, have your heart broke, have your heart heal, break a heart...learn so many things, go through all the ups and downs of dating that most people suffer through as teens. You have to go through them to grow and learn, and you will. Just don't give up, and take it easy on yourself. It takes time to do this.

You are exactly where you are supposed to be, given exactly all you have been through in your life. I bet your exJW friends who are getting girls had already had some relationships, so they are a bit further along in the process of learning about themselves and relationships, etc.

You are just starting out. You're doing GREAT!

ABibleStudent

Hi (((((((gutted)))))))), welcome to the real world! Considering you were raised a JW you are doing Great! If you want to get up to speed on dating, you should probably read dating books like Mars and Venus on a Date by Dr. Grey; make friends with women and go out with those women to attract other women; smile at the women like you know a secret; ask women a question about what they are doing in the moment when trying to meet them; ask women more questions then they ask you and answer their questions in less than 30 seconds; take care of yourself either by going to the gym or working out, going to a therapist to discuss your JW phobias, dressing appropriately (suits are not always required, LOL), and wearing an attractive cologne; and learning more about what you want in life. Remember to find out who you are first and what you want out of life before you get seriously involved with another person to form a life together. Dating is an adventure so enjoy its ups and downs!

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

Dagney

(Gosh, I was trying to put into words exactly what Robdar said so succinctly, lol. Thx Robdar )

As much as you want to "make" something happen, at times it will be the most elusive when you are "expecting" a specific response from another person. The best thing to do, like Robdar said, find things to do that interest YOU. It could be as simple as a running or walking club, wine tasting, book club, community gatherings...cleanups and food drives. A woman who is about something and has something going on will be attracted to the same in a man.

Being busy in creating your own rich, full life will be an attraction to women. Go get em!

drewcoul

Gutted:

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I was in the same boat a few years ago. I had been married to a JW. She cheated on me, I got divorced, she got reinstated, and I got DF'd later. I finally met the woman who is now my wife when I stopped looking. I tried online dating, kept tweaking my profile and met few decent women. Actually, I never had much trouble getting a date, but I had trouble meeting someone I wanted to spend more than a couple dates with.

I agree with Robdar completely. Everyone has insecurities, but some people hide them better than others. You have to have a bit of attitude, a cockiness, and don't be afraid to speak up for yourself, make a joke, and be flirty. Women love confidence and humor. Don't get confidence confused with arrogance. You have to understand that you are just as good as anyone else in the room.

I know a guy who was mediocre looking, didn't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of and had dates all the time......He didn't let fear or intimidation get in the way. He'd say: "The worst thing a woman can tell me is no.......or slap me."

Online dating is fine, but you have to gave a great picture of yourself.......I suggest only one or two because your potential dates will look at every one of them and go over them with a fine tooth comb.......Where was the picture taken; are you dressed nicely etc......

The most important thing is Self-confidence. Women don't want a guy who they can push around. Develop the attitude that no one.....and I mean no one no matter what their social standing, or career......is better than you. Have an attitude that you couldn't care less if that girl you noticed comes over to talk to you or not. Don't be needy or desperate. When you get this down, she'll be coming up to talk to you.

drewcoul

It could be as simple as a running or walking club, wine tasting, book club, community gatherings...cleanups and food drives

LOL!!! No offense dag, but the guy wants a date, not a pretentious do gooder. This makes me want to puke!

Women who hang out at a walking club, book club, or community gatherings don't put out!! The guy needs to get laid, not a lesson in civic services.

rebel8

drew, the op said he "wants a relationship".

Plus who says people who go to those activites are pretentious, and what's wrong with do-gooders?

I am having a hard time understanding your reaction.

EmptyInside

I know how you feel gutted. I found it helps to just get out and meet new people and expand your group of friends. There is always someone who knows someone,who knows someone....

Woe is me...

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