I visited a psychologist one time that my other daughter was seeing..we even talked about this daughters problem there..she explained that the daughter wasn't a munipulator but that she knew HOW to munipulate..to get what she wanted. Don't know what the difference was unless it has to do with labeling people..
For over a year she had started getting monthly money out of me for this emergency or that..it started to be a game with her I think because each month it got to be a little more untill it finally hit over $300. one month..and never able to pay a penny back.( I am sure she felt entitled as one posted stated)
I finally had to lay down the law as I couldn't afford it any longer. I told her she needed to get more control of her finances and I would help her with a budget if she wanted. She got mad at me and didn't talk to me for a year, saying it was because I humiliated her..
Recently she started the Dry begging..before she had come right out most of the time and just asked for it. The phone calls used to be every few minutes untill I answered..( I counted over 20 in a row one time) cell and home. Now it's facebook..the sob stories..
This time we have a mutual friend and the mutual friend and I were able to compare sob stories and found out she is lying to both of us. She got $40. out of this friend and a few days later got a full tank of gas and another $40. out of me. Using the same sob story on both of us..this friend was falling for her sotries also.
I recently told her I wanted to take her and her son out for dinner as her Birthday present..It was going to be a steakhouse so it would be around $20. a piece..close to $100. for all of us.I told her that her son could even bring a friend..(12 year old). She later sent me a message teling me how her cat needed to be fixed really bad as she had recently bought a new rug and he sprayed on it.. she then went on to say that
"If you are planning on getting me a present besides taking me out to eat, I found someone that would neuter him for $50. most places charge $75. I would take the money and have that done now so I wouldn't have to wait till I get paid on the 15th..".
Just a note..I could swear I gave her money to have this done shortly after she got the cat. I know she has n ointention of using the money on the cat. She doesn't get paid till the 15th and is likely out of money. I always knew when she would call as she gets paid on the 1st from her work and on the 15th gets a good sized child support check from her ex. She probably thinks she will use any money she gets from me for herself and have the cat done later..which I doubt!....
I immediately went into the ashamed mode of course, not having planned to do anything other than get her a cake and a candle besides the dinner and offered to give her the money instead of getting a cake (which would have cost about $10.)..This was the closest she has come this time for asking directly for the money, usually she sings woe is me for a while till I give in)..I ended up cancelling the dinner and sending her $50. I since read the article about Dry Begging and saw how this applied to her..it was like a light bulb going off in my head. Thankfully I wised up before she was able to get the dinner and the $50. out of me!
So I tell her later that any money to be lent will have to be paid back before I will lend again..I will charge a $5. transaction fee..and she will have to pick it up and deliver it back to me..I had often in the past took it over there because she was so tired or she had used all her gas and couldn't make it all the way to my house..only to be pushed out the door so to speak after she got the money. She never considered them loans in the past just that I was helping her out of the kindness of my heart..so this time I wanted to make it clear!
She was pissed! Said it seemed like I wanted to start a fight! (Seems she realized I was on to her..and I felt good!) I explained I wanted to be there for her but I could no longer afford to just hand out money..
Snoozy..Love having learned about "Dry Begging" it's like al big load has been lifted form my shoulders..
edited to add..I also put a $50. maximum amount restriction on the loans figuring it wouldn't be too far out of her reach to pay back.