ex-jw-uk (page 37)

stan livedeath

bumped for contramundum --and any UK readers.

stan livedeath

bumped for Conan to see--and any other UK readers.

Conanthebeliever

Well-I am around 7 months into my study.

If I am honest, I realised what JW's believed was very similar to what I already believed, and I thought this is great! The people are so friendly, I have finally met others like me. (I got bullied a lot when I was younger, I never was a fighting type, I was I guess what would be classed as 'meek'. Senior school was not as bad-I made friends,but they still ribbed me for being different, but junior school was a nightmare for me).

I realise now after reading information from non JW sources-I am being fed exactly what others are saying I will be told-I have already been told to put doubts "at the back of my mind and focus on the truth".

I also found it odd during my study, that I would be told to read a passage-I would carry on reading and would be told "no, just that part".

I now understand that is because they was keeping me in a state of seeing what they wanted to see.

I am going to terminate my study and going to the Kingdom hall. I have been going for quite a while, and realise now that it is not ME they love, it is that I have the same belief as them that they love. That is not unconditional love, that is completely conditional.

I found out that once I get baptized, a lot of things will change, and I will not be able to handle this due to my past issues, and the amount of control. I want to be able to have my hair how I want it-not an approved hairstyle by 7 men from new york. I live in the UK, not North Korea.

I am slightly saddened I will lose my 'friends' once I stop studying, but understand it really is not for me. I will continue to read the bible, as I do believe in a god, and Jesus Christ. I believe that god is unimaginable to any human, due to the realm 'he' lives in (I do not know if god is a powerful 'force' or a being, and the terms Father and son are used so us humans can understand better-and that it is similar to a father son relationship, but different to what we could even imagine, so terms are used we can understand).

I only discovered this site today. I did have some alarm bells in the back of my head. Reading more into it, I realise this is a road I really do not want to go down, for me, my family, and my future wife and family (Engaged, I have been with my partner for 5 years-straight relationship, I am male, she is female).

I am just glad I discovered what I would be in for once I got baptized. No way-plus the watchtower. JW's explain that they are the only faith that studies the bible and follows god's true word- but with the watchtower society, they are allowing human influence just like the Catholic church, who I have been taught are basically monsters.

I do not hold any resentment towards JW's though, and if I am honest, I wish we could all be friends.

I hold out hope that is what happens in the next life.