Not Getting Over It! Ex-JWs Face Residual Psychological, Physical Damage

TMS

This is not an essay or "my story". These are just a few personal observations from someone who lived, breathed and
slept the JW religion for over 50 years. Leaving the JW religion is not like leaving town, quitting a job or getting a
divorce, all stressful situations in their own right.

Leaving the JW religion of your own volition is a rejection of your core values, a destabilization of your psychological
foundation. If your departure is the result of injustice or oppression from the organization itself, it's not just a matter
of rethinking things. You have to erase the blackboard of your life.

Let me compress my so-called story into a concise mass with atom touching atom: We were/are a family of three with our son
df'd in 1993. Instinctively, I asked my son to move back with us. The day after his announcement of df-ing, my wife visited each
each committee member at home or job, basically saying: "I will not break contact with my son. DF me, if you must." We both
fell from the top of the theocratic ladder to the bottom in a heartbeat.

That was 17 years ago.

In the first year, my wife and I experienced health issues. My wife lost the sight of one eye to glaucoma and I almost totally
lost energy to hypothyroid. In 18 months we aged like two-term presidents.

My wife and I would be interesting studies for mental health professionals although neither of us believe in talk or
chemical therapy.

Wife: ANGRY. . . .angry at the subordinate, submissive role she was forced into for decades, angry that she/we didn't
give our son the best shot at happiness because of the suppressed life of our belief system, angry that the man she married
42 years ago couldn't smell cult, angry at the loss of the family she could have had if not so cult-oriented.

me: I relive my life in my dreams. I angrily react to all of the situations i experienced in JWdom. I relive my entry
level job of 30 years. My anger is for things I didn't say, thing's I didn't do. In daytime hours my mind constantly
wanders to living my life over again with what I know now. The irony? I allowed JW's to steal my youth and, in a sense
steal my last years.

I know. . . . "Get over it!"

tms

dgp

TMS, I wish I could do more than post here and say I hope you can have as much happiness now as you can.

I commend you on your decision not to break ties with your son. You had balls, man.

BackRoomBilly

I got angry reading that.

I'm sorry they decived you brother. They lied to you and stole your turn at life.

I hope you will find peace.

TMS

dgp,

Thank you for the kind words. Please don't think we're not having some happiness. My point was that we ex-JWs carry considerable baggage, post-traumatic syndrome, regrets. . . . all for living the "non-life" of those who choose or are persuaded to exchange control of their current physical life for the promise of a lieing fairy tale. The members of this board are among the few who understand.

tms

Caligula1

TMS,

Great post. I love it. Just being on boards and going to Meetups is not enough for complete (if complete recovery is possible for all).

I started to put together a list of mental Health professionals to help with this issues, but I could not find a lot, only 1 which I believe was in Philadelphia PA USA.

I personally met Randy Waters and Steve Hassan, and they were great starting points. I would like to see a 6 month to 24 month clinical mental health program just for JW's. I think it is needed.

Where are you located? I would like to meet you.

The entry level jobs, especially in this economy, is distateful to me.

I gave up a 4 year college schollarship, at a high ranking university.

One of the things I have considered putting together, is a group of "programs" (going back to college, getting higher paying jobs, getting a divorce, getting married, etc.) to jump start or boost the pleasures, income, and experiences that normal life has to offer.

Keep us posted....and keep us posted on your progress.

cameo-d

TMS,

You are an overcomer. Anger can be a great catalyst and used for good. Just your testimony here may help someone who is questioning and reading. I hope you and your wife can channel your anger into making a positive impact and that you can find some satisfaction in that. We all could have done greater things had we not been held back for some reason. But, as many things in this life are empty vanities anyway, what you can do as a result of this horrible life-sucking experience you have had...may indeed, turn out to be your greatest accomplishment.

((((TMS))))

Broken Promises

TMS, I left after being a born-in JW for 30 years, and I agree fully with your post.

I think there is a great deal of post-trauma syndrome experienced by people who leave the JWs. Many say they stopped being depressed or having health problems when they left the JWs, but think there are just as many who develop health problems as a result of living and leaving the JWs.

For one thing, leavers have their complete spiritual path ripped away from them, and many wander around lost, without direction, after having surrendered their entire spiritual life to the whims of men.

I don’t need to go into details of the physical and emotional losses ex-JWs experience but this whole board is a testament to the pain and suffering that results from leaving that cult.

blondie

I am a survivor of sexual abuse by my father, an alcoholic jw mother, and finally escaped the abuse of the WTS. Strangely enough I sought professional help for the sexual abuse, dealing with my mother's alcoholism but not the abuse of the WTS. Eventually I did talk to my therapist about the religious abuse and lo and behold found that she too had escaped an abusive religious group (not jws though). This therapist has helped me to heal from all 3 areas of abuse. I have been able to move forward and find happy times and good friends. That's not to say that I have forgotten certain nasty actions by some but only to the point of learning from it and how to protect myself for it happening again.

As to medical conditions, I'm sure they would have happened to us even if we had stayed: heart attack and a destroyed liver...but we have done what we can medically to deal with those situations too.

I try every day not to live in the past, I can only live in this moment.

Love, Blondie

Mad Sweeney

Amen everyone. It is perhaps the hardest thing I've ever gone through. While I wish it happened 20 years ago I'm also thankful that it didn't happen 20 years later. My family is still young enough to grow up normally and get a good education and career. I still have half a lifetime left, assuming medicine continues progressing well. I am trying to look forward with hope rather than look back with regret. It isn't easy, but this board helps. We have each other, don't we?

Coffee House Girl

Thank you for sharing TMS, reading this thread is reliving what I have been thinking for the past couple of weeks. I finally said to a friend on Tuesday night (not a jw or exjw so they dont understand), I have lived for 30 years waiting...waiting for something to happen- waiting for my life to happen & it was just passing me by. I was waiting for my parents to die before I could start a life (I feel sad and ashamed that I felt that I had to stay in it for my family) I lived for 30 years in shame, guilt, and regret. That was WAY TOO LONG. I refuse to waste any more time on that, I resolve to say no to fear, guilt, and regret and enjoy life and what lies ahead for me. I now have a life of my own making, WOW...that is exciting.

Thank you

CHG

Not Getting Over It! Ex-JWs Face Residual Psychological, Physical Damage

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