Jeff Foxworthy on Jehovah Witnesses

by moomanchu 16 Replies latest social humour

  • moomanchu
    moomanchu

    >Thought these were funny, please ignore if they're old news
    >
    >
    > These are some jokes that Jeff Foxworthy had to say about Jehovah's
    > Witnesses.
    >
    > The fact is that they are somewhat accurate. Although he is famous for
    > doing hillbilly redneck jokes, he must have a relative that is a Witness.
    >
    >

    > YOU MIGHT BE A JEHOVAH'S WITNESS IF....
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > ..."pioneer" is not a stereo
    >
    >
    >
    > ..."New Light" is not something in the housewares department, and "tract"
    > has nothing to do with land or farming.
    >
    >
    >
    > ...you know when Nisan 14 of the Jewish calendar lands in the
    > Gregorian calendar from year to year, and yet you commonly forget your own birthday.
    >
    >
    >
    > ..."Memorial Day" isn't in May.
    >
    >
    >
    > ...you spent days at a baseball stadium, never saw a ball, and didn't
    > even have a beer.
    >
    >
    >
    > ...you think "formal clothing" and "civic center" belong in the same
    > sentence.
    >
    >
    >
    > ...you wash windows or cars for a living and still own five suits.
    >
    >
    >
    > ...you think nothing of letting your friends stop by to use the bathroom.
    >
    >
    > ...you know the cleanliness of every coffee shop and bathroom for four
    > towns around.
    >
    >
    > ...you think 2-door vehicles aren't really cars.
    >
    >
    > ...you go to Home Depot and go down the aisle where doors are
    > displayed and you feel compelled to knock on them.
    >
    >
    > ...you can't buy a pair of shoes without thinking about how
    > comfortable they will need to be while walking residential streets in
    > 95-degree heat.
    >
    >
    > ...you have a tendency to refer to books by color instead of by title.
    >
    >
    > ...you have a shelf just for 192-page books.
    >
    >
    > ...you can't pick up a book, or anything else to read, without picking
    > up a pencil or highlighter too.
    >
    >
    >
    > ...you think it is complimentary to refer to someone as "a study."
    >
    >
    > ...you have "get-togethers" rather than "parties."
    >
    > ...after one of such "get-togethers" at your home, your house is not a
    > mess and you have more food than when you started.
    >
    > ...you realize things are getting worse, and you're thrilled.

  • BCZAR2ME
    BCZAR2ME
    you realize things are getting worse, and you're thrilled.

    How macabre!

    bczar

  • willyloman
    willyloman

    Hate to be the one to break it to you, but the source for this is NOT Foxworthy. It's a take-off or spook of Foxworthy's classic "might be a redneck" that's been floating around the web for a long time. It IS funny, though!

  • TheOldHippie
    TheOldHippie

    Now THAT was funny !

  • crazyblondeb
  • vitty
    vitty

    Ive seen this before, its very good but you really would have to be a witness or ex to write it or understand it

  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff
    its very good but you really would have to be a witness or ex to write it or understand it

    Vitty - I wish I didn't understand it.

    Jeff

  • moshe
    moshe

    My kids have been out for over 10 years and sometimes still forget my birthday- But I don't buy it for one minute- you see my son and I have the same birthday. I think that the JW cheapness has still stuck to them a little. They have no problem celebrating their own birthdays either. This year I have made up special magnetic calendars for all of us that have all our birthdays on them- no excuses for 2007.

  • rebel8
    rebel8

    I've read these on jw forums. Personally I think this is another jw urban legend; I don't believe Foxworthy really made up these jokes.

  • ButtLight
    ButtLight
    you go to Home Depot and go down the aisle where doors are
    > displayed and you feel compelled to knock on them.

    This one has me laughing. Cant you just see them sticking tracts in the displays?

  • LovesDubs
    LovesDubs

    Not Foxworthy.

  • daystar
    daystar

    I can't find anything on www.snopes.com on this, but it's highly unlikely the Foxworthy had anything to do with this.

    Still, funny...

  • MsMcDucket
    MsMcDucket
    ...you spent days at a baseball stadium, never saw a ball, and didn't
    > even have a beer.

    How depressing.

  • mama1119
    mama1119

    It wouldn't be funny to just anybody. I doubt he did it, but it is funny.

  • aquagirl
    aquagirl

    whoever wrote it,its a hoot!!!

  • hambeak
    hambeak

    That is great and he is truly funny and your right it is so stereotypically true of dubs

  • Anitar
    Anitar

    ...you think nothing of letting your friends stop by to use the bathroom.

    Oh my God my mom lets them do that. She actually gave them a key once and they walked right in the door. My brother shot one of them, but he missed.

    Suffice it to say they never did that again

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