LyinEyes	Re: Growing up a gay Jehovah's Witness (My Life Story)
	Josh , thanks for sharing your story. It just broke my heart when you said that you just expected God to destroy you at Armeggedon, and the story of your depression the physical part reminded me alot of my last 3 years as a witness. I have always had some kind of problem the doctors were not sure of , possible MS is what I was told by one, nerve damage from an epidural, fibromyaligia, rare forms of migaines, you name it they thought it. I was so depressed those last few years as a witness, never feeling I measured up and not facing many childhood issues and I think all the pain I was having was due to so much emotional crap that had reached a boiling point. The pain was so strong that a shot of demerol would only help a bit. The pain would have me screaming in my pillow in the darkness, with no relief, I really thought if I would just die in my sleep it would be so great to just end the physical pain and the mental pain. After I left the organization,,,,,,,cut the ties, let my relationship with my father die away, and faced many of the issues of childhood,,,, the neglect, the abuse, the control, the whole JW thing, my mother, her death, her drug abuse, ,,,,,I started to get better. I physically started to feel the pain  come less and less.......I still get pain from time to time, a migraine here and there, but that strange pain that ate at my nerves,, has not been anything close to what it was. It is amazing that our bodies have to do what they do , to tell us that something is terribly wrong and we need to face up to it. Monkey, I am so glad that you have made it out , to have a happy life with a partner that loves you. I really believe that God loves us all, and I felt so sad when you said in your post that you didn't think God loved you. I think He does. That is the way that I want to believe that God/Jesus is. How is your Mother doing BTW? I bet it broke her heart to see you waste away and almost die,,,,,,I hope that she is free like you are. Again, I am so sorry for the pain you went thru ,,,,,it is so wrong for an organization to make people wish , or choose death over life. I am glad you found your way out.
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