Within the first couple of years of leaving the WT quite a few people told me to “forget it,  get over it and move on”, it wasn’t like I kept talking about it, in fact, as much as I needed too, I seldom did. Its just that they observed my interest in talking with exjws…an interest that I’ve never tired of. I used to feel like I owed people an apology because a lot of my best friends were exjws! Sometimes  people who come here ask us why we don’t just get over it….why should we feel pressured to forget it all? Why forget the damage caused by the WT? I've moved on, but I'll never get over it.

The only reason I knew that the elders had announced my disassociation from the platform was because they called my mother and told her NOT to be at the meeting that night, she called me to let me know it would be finalised that evening and I wouldn’t be hearing from my JW family members anymore. She cried on the phone and for me, that was emotionally hard to deal with. The Watchtower had no right to put a heavy weight on her or on me, why should I forget their crime?

The morning after my dis-ass was read out I was aware that I had just lost my history! The Watchtower had no right to do that either, it continues to bind you with heavy weights even after you leave!

When we lose our history there is no one to say “hey remember years ago when we did this or that?” there are no episodes of happy reflection, all our friends and family whom we have associated with now treat us as dead. No one speaks anymore, in his or her eyes we are dead but we just refuse to lie down! There is no one to remember the fun times and the sad times we had, the trials we faced, the people we knew, the things we did together, the best friends we shared, the confidants, people we thought we could trust, the acquaintances, the daily experiences of life, people of the same faith who we would write to or visit in other countries, no one to bump into in town and catch up with. Life is isolated for the first couple of years…forget it and move on???

Then there is the issue of what to talk about to the new people we begin to meet? The Kingdom? The remnant 144000? Paradise? Armageddon? Kingdom expansion? Whose been disfellowshipped and whose been baptised? Pioneering? The service and the bible studies? Cults???? Surely people in the “normal world” would look at us like we had gone crazy if we spoke of these things. Yet these are “the normal” conversations we would have on a daily basis and its difficult to know what else to talk about when we leave. What did we have in common with people “in the world” when we were JWs? How do we now find a common ground with people who have never been in the cult? During the first year of our exit we probably became the worlds experts on the weather “Awful weather isn’t it…looks like the suns about to shine… I thought we’d lost the sun in England…its cold enough for snow today isn’t it...better get your thermals out its getting chilly” (abrupt end of thrilling conversation).

Exjws have enough to contend with, they don’t need people telling them to “Get a life” or to stop associating with people on exjw boards, they had “a life” remember and look what happened to it…. wiped out without as much as a blush from the WTS. Only other exJWs can relate to the enormity of that.

Thing is, until you have lost your history and everyone in it, you wont need to talk about it so much. 

I feel that I have been wronged, I’m not bitter I’m just damaged. I’m pretty much over the worst, but I can still move on without throwing my past away. Its my past and its very much part of who I am in the present.

Brumie

I just want to say how much I agree with what you have said.  I am an ex JW and although I drifted out of the org around three years ago, now like yourself I cannot just forget who and what I was for approximately twenty years of my adult life.  The healing proccess is not an easy one.  Sometimes I feel completely over it all, and then some little thing triggers me off and all the bitterness returns to haunt me. Therefore a site like this where I can meet up with people who know exactly what I am going through and who will figuratively (nice JW word eh!) listen to me unjudgementally is just a real boon for me.

love to you all

Nice response Golfer, thanks

I think thats what make me get annoyed when I hear it!

La-bellamargarita (cool name), I can relate to all of what you said.

Same here!

danny, I just read your autobiography, great! glad you got out after being so prominent in there, I can imagine the headache.

Thanks again G, L & D for sharing

Brummie

Hey brumm, thanks...I couldn't agree more with what you and the others here have said. I thought maybe this little quote was relevant;Craig

Wow Craig, thats really something! A cut out and keep quote fer sure.

Outnfree, thx

I luuurrv this attitude, my sentiments exactly.

Matt, it has worn off for most days, it just keeps popping its ugly head up on others, as time passes it gets further away huh.

Brummie

That was a righteous post brother!

How true Brummie, and to the rest of you.

I too, on occasion, thought to myself 'I am over it..move on now Ray' - but it never left me.   It was always with me.

Of course, with time, the sting of our involvement goes away or lessens.  

The thing that a forum such as this one has provided is a sharing of information. 

Another thing:  there were many things I did not know about.   See, I left in the spring of 1984.  So most of the new light/doctrinal changes went right past me.   I didn't even know.  

Having had the JW lifestyle imprinted in your mind, it's no easy task to simply just 'forget about it'.   No-no. 

Thankfully with the internet, and the many forums on-line, you can catch up with other ex-JWs and find some sort of comfort or resolve to your decision;  whatever that may have been, to leave the JWs once and for all.

One places the JW experience in a safe place.   It's part of what makes us the kind and understanding people we are when others/newbies come to the forum in need of a listening ear or to share their story.  In these instances, we can relate, and we've been there.

We can help others get away from it.

I am not bitter any longer, nor am I angry anymore.   Yes, there are things to be angry at in regards to the WTBTS, but as to the anger that eminated from me, that has gone.   It has taken many years, and some counselling, but I have been able to deal with my former JW life as a resource and a means of linking up with similar people.

It gives me great comfort to be here, and I'm learning things about the JWs that I would have otherwise not been privy to.  

The people overall, are wonderful.  

We are all healing at different intervals.   But healing just the same.

Great post Brummie, I appreciated it.  

 

Dan, I very seldom make a rightous statement, I'm trying to interpret what it means...lol

Anglise :( Sorry you have had to go through such a thing twice, its a raw deal, I would highly recommend you meet up with others who shared the same history, its a great tonic. In saying that I recall how highly suspicious I was at meeting other ex's (I looked out for their glassy eyes..lol) so I do understand how we have to build up the courage, however meeting with them was a great healing. Go for it, and congrats in getting out.

GhostofE, thanks, great post, I wasnt born into it, I studied from 7 yrs of age, however in a sense I was 3rd generation since my Gran and my moms family were also JW so they were our associates from birth, my mom was floundering during my first 7 yrs so it wasnt so strict, my dad was never a JW so he was held at arms length up until I left when I was almost 28. I did freak out for a couple of years through School and tried to mentally block it all out but couldnt and so from 17 yrs old I  became the original cardboard cut out...lol

Thanks Razor & Robyn, truly inspiring to hear your comments.

Brummie