Well at 29 years old, after a lifelong relationship/belief in/association with a higher power I called God, here I am very close to taking an athiestic or agnostic approach to the rest of my life.

It really hit me the other day although my doubts have been there but I just have been forcing myself to ignore them because I was afraid to give up that religious part of me because its all that I have ever been and I was afraid of the unknown.

But I realized after getting through another one of those weeks from hell that it makes no difference how much I pray or how much I believe. Nothing in my life changes one way or the other based on my religious or spiritual activity. Whatever happens, good or bad, is going to happen whether or not I pray or 'trust in God' or try to live a christian life. So really, what is the point? IF there is a God which I am seriously in doubt of right now, He does not give a rats ass about me and could care less how much I pray or love him or anything else. He isnt going to 'provide a way out' or do anything to help me if I need it as Christians would have me believe. I'm the only one that controls my life and when I'm not strong enough to deal with things it goes to hell. I no longer believe in 'He will never leave you or forsake you'.

If there is a God He damn sure does leave and abandon people on a regular basis for no reason. If there is one I am going to Hell when I die cause I dont want anything to do with him anymore. There is absolutely no point in believing in God. I could care less if I am "saved" or whatever. I've spent my entire life trying to do what God wants me to, trying to serve him, trying to please him and believing he is loving and good. All I've asked in return is for a little happiness and love and less pain in my life. Obviously to difficult a task for an all-powerful being that created everything in existance. Yea right..whatever

I dont think there is any such being up there. and if there is..Screw em.

flower
ps. sorry christians, i hope you dont get upset at me.

Hey Flower,

Since it's one day PAST April 1st, I assume you're very serious! Just one question, what are the folks over at the "exjwinwestva" board going to think? They are going to tell you that if you show more faith, then God/Jesus/whoever will reveal himself to you!

I'm in the camp that believes that there is one who initially formed us, but has kind of left us alone to deal with life on our own. So if that is the case, we can be grateful to be alive, but don't have to depend on some higher power to help us make decisions, etc.

Just my $.02.

-J.R., member, UADNA-MN
(Unseen Apostate Directorate of North America - Minnesota division)

This post was not evaluated by any mental health professionals.
Any opinions expressed are those of a fuzzy, cuddly rodent.

I don't want to be MEAN or HARSH, but what is it with people losing their belief (let alone faith) in GOD. This board is full of people who once had a strong belief in a higher power and once that belief system was shaken up everything falls apart. Just because the "picture" you had of GOD wasn't correct doesn't mean He doesn't exist, or that He doesn't care. It's just so negative...and when things are negative, NOTHING is every accomplished, including searching and finding a truer "picture" of GOD.

OK, your beliefs have been shattered. GOT IT. But hopefully not your tremendous desire to know GOD and where you fit in to His Plans. Start from square one...blank slate, forget what you have been "taught". Now let's be the teensiest positive... if you have lots of doubts... STOP Look to those who have a strong and real faith...what steps did they take...how do they get answers to prayer, or why is it that their beliefs are so strong. It's kind of like those that want to be successful in life....you go to those that have succeeded and learn from them. They don't have all the answers, but they can sure give you a lot of clues and tips....and by the way, they've done it.

And that's where you start...from the smallest seed...it's got to be nurtured and taken care of, one step at a time...but be positive and lean on the faith of others until you can get going under your own power.

(((flower)))

I can relate to what you are going through. For me it wasn't so much the question of "does God care?" (though you bring up some really valid points), but it had more to do with the bible itself being a fallible book with mistakes. I figured that an all powerful God would not create a holy book so full of errors. (Yes, I did read Christain apologeic books. However, I found too many stupid arguments, misrepresenations of truth, and mainly too many after the fact explanations that only might be true, and only if you have a good imagination.)

I probably had some doubts about God since my "faithful" JW days. I could never understand why he had to kill as many people as he did in the Old Testament. Sure, I knew the reasons given, but it seemed to me that he used unneccessary force; he could have tried to reform the people, look how many chances he gave Isreal! I also couldn't understand why he'd kill over 6 billon people (if you're a mainsream Christain about 5 billion people) for not worshipping him a certain way. Isn't "being good" regardless of how you express your spirituality, really important?

While I've pretty much rejected the Judeo-Christain God, I think it's at least possible that a higher power might exist, though I don't "worship" anything due to the fact I see no evidence of a need for it(or that that being even exist). As Gopher pointed out, if a God does exist somewhere, he probably has left us to fend for ourselves here.

You should probably do some more study on the topic of God and spirituality, so that you may be able to really know your beliefs. I did so and came to my conclusions, and you've probably done a lot of searching too ( I remember posting on an earlier, very long thread about God that you started).

Double Edge said:
I think it's because many of us have a sense of skeptisism after we leave. We realized how fooled we were about the Watchtower, and we feel more free to question God altogether. Some of us don't like what we find, some find leaving the JW's increased their faith in God (e.g. Ray Franz). Most theist don't have the "crisis of conscience" most x-JW's have, most don't find themselves having to question many of the beliefs they hold dear, which usually causes them to question even more things. Intially, after finding out "the truth about the truth", I found myself to be a stronger Christain than before, resolving myself to serve God correctly from then on. However, the doubts just wouldn't leave my mind, and I knew I had to address the doubts about God the same way I did my JW doubts. I wasn't "angry" or "throwing the baby out with the bathwater", I just felt I had to be honest with myself intellectually. Today, I feel better for it.

Go therefore and baptize the people in the name of the father and of the son... what the hell, we just need to bring up the yearbook numbers!

You have the same doubt than me. As I write in my signature, I don't believe in a god who will fix our problem anymore. We have to make an effort, if we want to find happiness in this life. We are into this life on our own and we are the only one who have the power to do some change. I don't know if the theory of evolution is true but, presently I thing that it's the best theory to explain why we are here.

We become more attuned to the human condition when we recognize that God is not going to fix our problems.

Flower: (((Big Hug)))
The point is flower you are not supposed to have a relationship with God for purely selfish reasons—isn’t that what Satan charged Job with? “Let some shit happen and Job will curse you to your face.” (Paraphrased) What do you gain if you curse God and reject him? He wants you to learn to cope with life and gain in wisdom. He will not fix it all now, as much of what we experience is there to learn from: “True, no discipline seems for the present to be joyous, but grievous; yet afterward to those who have been trained by it, it yields peaceable fruit, namely, righteousness.” (Hebrews 12:11) Life on earth now is a massive learning curve, leaving God when you need him won’t make life any easier, or remove the problems—problems are there to make you wiser, and more empathic to other’s suffering also.

It’s a cheesy saying—but if it doesn’t kill you, it will only make you stronger—eventually!

I was watching a programme today on the History channel about the Roman Gladiators, and Emperors. Part of it was all about the sickening evil they did to the Christians in the Coliseum, how they were mauled to death by wild animals, and tortured, burned alive, and mutilated. It was truly awful! I am so glad I wasn’t alive then, or in their shoes—I really did count my blessings. I have a roof over my head, my health, and food on the table, reasonable security—freedom, and the sun on my face!

Flower: Life is about growing and going to higher levels, you are just experiencing a new level, don’t let the pain deceive you. You will become stronger, and God will guide to you a stronger more self sufficient level—don’t give up before you have got there! Ask him for wisdom and insight—ask for endurance and inner peace, don’t give up, life will change, and the cycle will turn.

Hi Flower, it's me talking here... I have a mouth and hands to type this post to you. I have a heart that alouds me to love you and to think of you and to wish you the best... thank God!

Your friend always,

Yadira

- http://home.attbi.com/~fredsaw/Files/KeepAfloat.mp3

Hi flower. Sounds like your saying this.....
"I'm giving up on God because I pray to him for deliverance, to help me cope, to get a break..........and nothing ever happens!

Since nothing happens, then maybe he dosen't exists, and I am tired of him not REVEALING himself to me in some way.
How do I know he is there for sure and if he is not........what a bunch of needless wasted time"

What if we humans are basing our belief in God, on wether he meets the criteria of how we expect him to act? He dosen't act like we percieved the scriptures say's he should actin OUR BOOK.

Did Jesus mean when he said"I will never leave or forsake you to mean ....you won't suffer much anymore.

The apostle Paul when he was stoned and left for dead, ran out of many towns, imprisoned, beaten,.......must have wondered what was up himself.

My bottom line is.......are we understanding the Bible correctly in how we percieve God?
What of the millions of people who live christian lives who can tell of some remarkable things that have happened in there lives as they feel is a result of God.

Are they wrong?. ...

Many examples in the Bible are given in which God steps in when we are at our lowest. He did in my case.

I won't say anymore...........I wish you the best.