Hi Aimless,
Welcome to the board. Your story is a sad one in some ways, but I dare say you are showing some strength and independence which sounds healthy to me. Your jw boyfriend sounds like a controling jerk, who tried to manipulate you and intimidate you into staying with him. I’m glad you have stayed true to yourself. Your current boyfriend sounds like a much nicer human being.
The jw religion appears very dysfunctional, with heavy rules (like the Pharisees that Jesus condemned). The jws compound and heap guilt, which can never be healed no matter how much you try to work it off, as long as you stay in the jws or try to be friends with the jws. “Do more!” and belief in “not good enough” are very much a part of their core belief system.
I believe the only way to deal with jws is to stay far away from them because you can never please them. The religion appears judgmental and unforgiving. I didn’t want to have qualities like that, so I had to leave the religion. I am a forgiving person and I don’t wish to judge anyone. The best I can do is find my own self and take care of my health in all its aspects (spiritual, mental, financial, and emotional). Part of taking care of my health and my self is to stay far away from the jws.
I figure you are well on your way to health and wellness. The only thing I suggest is you might want to talk to your family doctor about what you are going through.
*hugs*
ESTEE