I think most JW's live in fear. They are fearful to express how they really feel on matters due to reprisal. Most JW friendship is conditional. They are your friends as long as you measure up to what the FDS class says you should be doing. The moment you slack off in field service, miss meetings, not comment at WT study, skip assemblys, leave early from the meetings (this was on of my favorites, we would leave after the announcements right before the service meeting).
Perhaps your wife will come around in time. It sounds like she is more open minded now and that is big for a dub.