Well, howdy there.
I'm finally checking email first time this week and I can't believe it's been two weeks since Jenny's funeral already and I haven't written yet. These impromptu reunions are a simple fact of life.
Like you, I was happy to get to see so many of the friends of yore, and quite pleased that I could still recognize most of them. You have barely changed in appearance at all. I'm reminded of a bumper sticker I saw some years back. "I feel so much better since I gave up hope!" Guess it works for you. I, on the other hand, feel so much better since I figured out exactly what to place my hope in. If I did not believe in a creator who loves mankind, I would have a very hard time finding any reason at all to get up in the morning, let alone to exert myself in trying to make anything better in life. Aside from the premise of Paschal's wager, there is just too much science and logic supporting not only a belief in a creator, but supporting the Bible's truthfulness. And face it, dear. There is no other group on the planet doing what the Watchtower organization is doing. Since I believe the Bible, I stick with them.
After being disfellowshipped for 3 1/2 years, it is very clear in my heart and mind that the reason I go to the Kingdom Hall and associate with the folks there is not because of the folks there, but because of Jehovah. It might seem like an odd concept but I want to see justice done toward him. Like any human artist, he deserves the credit for what he has done and he deserves the loyalty of any who claim to love truth. I figure if he can put up with my insistent stupidity and laziness, then I most likely can put up with the louts at the KH, including those living 'double lives'. After all, I have certain areas where I don't exactly toe the line either. I just have learned to adjust my expectations of others to be in the ballpark of the 'average' understanding, instead of expecting others to be like me. After all, I'm exceptional, right! If they were all like me then I'd only be average. Unthinkable.
Paddy was from the Church of England as a lad, but walked away at about 18-19 because of the lack of love and logic. When we met I told him right away that I'm a JW so he says, "So, tell me about Jehovah's Witnesses." I did and he saw the logic right away. (Being an engineer, logic is his domain.) He was baptized two years later. He hangs in there, even tho the brothers really, really want him to shave his beard. He won't so they have dropped the subject. But he really seems to enjoy the field ministry and the congregation Bible study program. We're in the Revelation Climax book again. First time for him and he's seeing it come true on the news.
Do you believe any of the Bible now? Do you have a religious affiliation? The tone of your letter is quite bitter sounding. Interesting that you would describe John and Carol as almost bitter. I see great discouragement and sadness in them. Some anger, certainly, but not as far as bitterness. I told Carol I'm convinced that the reason I have one child still hanging on to the Truth is because Scooter and I were such undeniably bad parents that she just flat disowned us and made her own way. John and Carol were working at doing so much of what was supposed to be done that I'm sure they expected a better result. But then, Jehovah did nothing wrong to cause Adam to disobey. Each is responsible for their own choices. We keep peeking through the blinds saying "I think they've finally arrived!", only to be disappointed again. Some folks can recover from disappointment and some can't. I prefer to believe what the evidence indicates over believing that this maelstrom of a world is the best we can hope for.
Well, howdy there.
A hearty howdy-do to you too! I'm using red for contrast, its not an indication of a Jesus complex :)
Like you, I was happy to get to see so many of the friends of yore, and quite pleased that I could still recognize most of them. You have barely changed in appearance at all. I'm reminded of a bumper sticker I saw some years back. "I feel so much better since I gave up hope!" Guess it works for you. I, on the other hand, feel so much better since I figured out exactly what to place my hope in. If I did not believe in a creator who loves mankind, I would have a very hard time finding any reason at all to get up in the morning, let alone to exert myself in trying to make anything better in life. Aside from the premise of Paschal's wager, there is just too much science and logic supporting not only a belief in a creator, but supporting the Bible's truthfulness. And face it, dear. There is no other group on the planet doing what the Watchtower organization is doing. Since I believe the Bible, I stick with them.
I wrote about four paragraphs here and decided to erase them and start over.
Simple is best and "practical" is best of all.
Before Johnny and I ever started having conversations about religion or the bible I was only 12 years old. Whatever ideas or information I had about such things as paleography, archeology, theology or such was extremely limited, as you might well imagine!
I had no basis for refuting anything. I had no data base. I was completely open to what might sound "logical".
Jenny is mostly the person who answered what questions arose. She was kind, understanding and well-tutored. She had just been baptised, too, so she was overflowing with that first love and zeal for spreading the message.
Although I considered myself "smart" I was, as I said, not informed. All the things I ever learned about the bible, religion, theology and prophecy came directly from the Watchtower Society and it seemed to hold together wonderfully well.
The majority of religious people I ever dealt with in my life until I was about 30 years old were not well-informed about their own beliefs. Let's face it--people absorb the enviornment of religious discourse on a social and emotional level and fill in the rest (educational) as needed.
Consequently, my view of what was factual or true was seldom challenged by acumen or scholarly expertise. That is how Jehovah's Witnesses come to regard their prowess as so effective; it mows down the opposition fairly easily.
After I was disfellowshipped, I eventually decided to start from scratch and not just accept as a "given" everything I had been told.
I tried to verify whether my JW education was rock solid and well-researched.
With the advent of the Internet, however, it became easier to cover a wider range of writings.
I bumped into Brother and Sister Sonneveldt (formerly of the Poly Congregation) at a grocery store. They invited me and my family to their house south of Burleson.
He told me what changes had transpired in the Society in the intervening years. He and his wife couldn't abide the crackdown and suppressive atmosphere of fear and panic. They "faded". He filled me in on what happened since the 1975 fiasco didn't produce Armageddon or even an explanation and how various attmepts had been made to blame the rank and file members for "reading in" to things what wasn't there.
I found out that Fred Franz's nephew, Ray Franz,(Governing Body member) had researched deeply into certain areas for the AID TO BIBLE UNDERSTANDING book and discovered some "issues" that the other brothers among the Governing Body thought too sensitive to publicize.
These issues became a bone of debate that wouldn't go away. So, Franz decided it was best to leave. He was paid a one-time stipend for his many years of service and he went back to private life.
Eventually, he was disfellowshipped .
Franz wrote a book (two eventually) detailing all CRISIS OF CONSCIENCE and IN SEARCH OF CHRISTIAN FREEDOM.
Sonneveldt gave me his copy of C of C and I read it.
To say I was surprised is to make an understatement.
Suddenly, a great many things pulled together and started making sense.
I began an investigative process that went on for---well---over 20 years now!
I left no leaf unturned to satisfy my mind.
I won't go into any discussion or detail about any of it. It is not my place to do so.
My opinion is that people who are happy with what they have don't need anybody insisting they change their mind.
That is organic. It either happens out of necessity or doesn't happen at all. It can't be forced.
Suffice to say....I'm now free of the burden of fear and dread and my life changed dramatically for the better.
After being disfellowshipped for 3 1/2 years, it is very clear in my heart and mind that the reason I go to the Kingdom Hall and associate with the folks there is not because of the folks there, but because of Jehovah. It might seem like an odd concept but I want to see justice done toward him. Like any human artist, he deserves the credit for what he has done and he deserves the loyalty of any who claim to love truth. I figure if he can put up with my insistent stupidity and laziness, then I most likely can put up with the louts at the KH, including those living 'double lives'. After all, I have certain areas where I don't exactly toe the line either. I just have learned to adjust my expectations of others to be in the ballpark of the 'average' understanding, instead of expecting others to be like me. After all, I'm exceptional, right! If they were all like me then I'd only be average. Unthinkable.
Good people are attracted to good causes. Among good people are many who simply aren't educated beyond a certain level of knowledge, but, who do the best they can with what they have. That's all any of us can do---just the best we can. What I found comforting and ressuring when I was younger no longer does it for me. But, each of us is different and I don't require of people that they think as I do. The only people who get under my skin now are people who "think" they know something (and don't) who insist they are right. I wasted many years of my life being a stupid eliitist. I'm deeply sorry I was such a know-it-all when all I really was---was suffering from hubris.
I've given up superstition and nothing mystical appeals to me in any way now.
Do you believe any of the Bible now? Do you have a religious affiliation? The tone of your letter is quite bitter sounding. Interesting that you would describe John and Carol as almost bitter. I see great discouragement and sadness in them. Some anger, certainly, but not as far as bitterness. I told Carol I'm convinced that the reason I have one child still hanging on to the Truth is because Scooter and I were such undeniably bad parents that she just flat disowned us and made her own way. John and Carol were working at doing so much of what was supposed to be done that I'm sure they expected a better result. But then, Jehovah did nothing wrong to cause Adam to disobey. Each is responsible for their own choices. We keep peeking through the blinds saying "I think they've finally arrived!", only to be disappointed again. Some folks can recover from disappointment and some can't. I prefer to believe what the evidence indicates over believing that this maelstrom of a world is the best we can hope for.
I am so sorry if my jesting tone came across as bitter. I'm just the opposite. I'm happy now and comfortable inside my own skin. I've nothing to prove to anybody anymore. I am sad that Johnny doesn't like his kids or the way they turned out. (Yes, he shocked me once by stating in so many words, 'I hate my kids'. I tried to explain to him that the kind of upbringing he and Carol gave them was nothing practical or real TO THEM and the everyday life of a young JW is just terribly depressing trying to be so different and contrarian. The endless meetings droning on and on and on about how short the time is until Armageddon is like sitting through The Boy Who Cried Wolf one too many times for them.
Jehovah's Witnesses are shut off hermetically intellectually and socially with the intention (seemingly) of protectiing them. But, practically speaking, this only suffocates young people and takes the joy of existence from them. Jesus and his followers ate and drank daily with all sorts of "sinners" and engaged in healthy debate with just about anybody of any persuasion. The atmosphere of cult control rears its ugly head past a certain point of snooping into what you are doing and thinking and with whom you speak and what you read, etc. I think Johnny and Carol did the worst thing they could do to their family in loving spirit of trying to the very best. The irony is awful!!
The way higher education is discouraged is stunting as well. The average JW family is lucky if it can earn poverty wages. The unnecessary pressures of earning a blue collar living is ridiculous in a technology age. But, all the janitors and wage slaves want to view it as righteousness---so, who am I to nay-say them? I only know the pressures I felt as a parent with kids to feed!
It would take a separate letter to go into detail about what my "religious" views are. This isn't the time or place to trudge through the bog. Suffice it to say I don't go to church or entertain conversations with invisible persons :)
It certainly appears your kids are OK. I can't get over how much Vanessa looks like Jo Ann. I recognized her from across the parking lot. It may be your genes' influence, but she's prettier than Jo Ann was. Laura of course is as beautiful as I figured she would be. Jason's a good looking man, but he didn't say much. I hope they all make you proud and happy.
My life began anew after JoAnn was killed running away from the police in a drunken crash. I became father and mother to my kids and became very serious about my role as parent.
They have all turned out magnificently. I have never been prouder in my life of anything than the way they've grown up.
They never got into trouble, got tatoos, got drunk or high or pregnant out of wedlock or such. I think I know why, too.
I didn't rear them with strict religious taboos!!
I reared them with love and practical patience and a light-hearted sense of enjoying life by making it a positive experience.
I treated them as humans and not as property. I let them see that life is generally only as good or bad as you make it with the effort of your own two hands. I didn't rear them to fold their hands until the divine cavalry arrives to whisk them away to a four star paradise.
They grew up to be hard workers, honest people with a good sense of humor and an irreverent skepticism about assertions without honest proof.
I can't speak for John's reasons to cut back on your time together. However, I suspect he is simply running out of emotional energy, aside from his time being taken up by his parents' conditions. I hope you don't give up on his friendship. He's worth keeping around. If you hear from him even rarely you're ahead of me.
What is going on with Johnny is simple. He is scared to death he will be disfellowshipped for talking to me. He has made that abundantly clear. Remember, instead of going after the lost sheep, JW's can't even pray for disfellowshipped persons.
As to what 'they' might call you, wait till I read your stuff on Freeminds and I'll let you know. Being an elder is a heavy load to bear. I try very hard not to criticize or second guess these guys.
After I almost murdered Scooter and got divorced and in time called an elder to say 'get your committee together', and then eventually was reinstated, the wife of the brother I called told me how he cried when he got off the phone. Cried like a baby. We were friends. Our kids were friends. He defended me in that committee meeting but was over ridden by an older man. Not an easy job. I understand the necessity for leadership and maintaining standards. And believe me, I understand the very real limitations of fellow humans. There are such things a predators. Look at the Catholic church and their ped priests. At least our brothers try to protect the congregation.
You'd be shocked at the Pedophile scandal going on in the Kingdom Halls and the lawsuits recently decided against Jehovah's Witnesess. We at Freeminds deal with many damaged families. The policy for years was that no parent could go to Authorities to stop pedophiles who were JW's because it would bring shame on Jehovah's organization!
The publicity has been a nightmare. There is a news blackout about most of the details within Kingdom Halls on purpose. I'm not surprised you know nothing about it. Google Jehovah's Witness pedophiles.
Why the pressure for Paddy to cut off his beard? If Jesus showed up at the Kingdom Hall--would he have to cut his beard off?? :)
Very nice hearing from you guys in detail!
I'm sorry if this letter has any kind of tone other than happy. I don't intend it that way. I just tried to answer questions honestly. I'm not preaching to you, believe me.
All the best,
Terry
