Hi there I have only signed up on here a couple of days ago after 8 years of being left. I have always read the posts along the way but have never had the courage to join in till now I suppose it shows I must be moving along.  

I was brought up in the truth but never ever believed it even from a young age. I so hated being different standing out from everyone else especially going out on the ministry. But I had a family that was so strong, mum devoted, sister a special pioneer. and brother a pioneer and elder fron a very young age. The only one that was really an ali was my dad who only went along to keep the peace and please my mum who he adored. Iwas always considered the rebellious one always wanting to fit in with friends hated being different. I threatened so many times in my teens I was going to leave but just didn'thave the guts because I didn't want to lose my family .

It all culminated in me being DF for being pregnant at 21. was told I was being DF as an example to all the other young ones!!!!. Don' t think they would get away with  that one now. My hubby and I got married quickly cos he wasn't DFonly reproved and they said they wouldn't announce it till after we had married so that he wouldn't get in trouble for marrying a DF person. The elders told us they would give us 6 months and we would be seperated it wouldn't last. How pathetic was that and it did wonders for my self esteem. My sister wrote me a letter and said she loved me but not to contact her again until I was reinstated my bro was not quite as bad sent me some money and at least did call occasionally. My mum tried hard to follow suit but I was her youngest and we were close so tended to bend the rules a little and went along with my dad saying there was no way he was going to ignore me and they did help out a lot  whilst I was pregnant.

You would think that that would have been my opportunity to escape but did I? NO. I threw myself back into the meetings because I so desperately loved my family and didn't want to loose them. Why I was DF and hubby wasn't I will never know but here I was 7 months pregnant with our "immorality" on show and people would come up and talk to him but completely blank me.I felt so low and was desperate to be back in among the fold I felt so lonely. I never missed a meeting cos I knew I had to prove myself went to the bloody assembly when I was over my due date just to be completely ignored. I realise now that is the way they want you to feel to be so dependent on them. Was eventually reinstated just after my daughter was born But was so unhappy, so young knew I had made a big mistake in going back in but felt I was on a rollercoaster unable to stop.

It then took me 25 years to get to the state I am now. Been married all that time (it did last and is still going strong). We both drifted away about 8 years ago, Hubby had made elder "status" but we decided enough was enough when they tried to interfere in the way we were bringing up our children. We were not going to let them have the same hangups as teenagers as I did. I bitterley regret making them miss out on the normal things kids have in growing up just like I did but am pleased to say they are pretty normal now and dont hold any grudges. I can honestly say that we have never been happier it has been the best times of our lives. You don't realise that the pressure they put you under to conform and do thing s there way until you are out.

Which brings me to the point of my question. Can the elders disfellowship you after so many years even if they don't meet with you? Since we left we have really thrown ourselves into a "worldly life" celebrating xmas birthdays etc. I also started smoking (I know I shouldn' but its just one of those things, me being rebellious again.) Have they got the power to do this to me after so many years? I know they Know I smoke and do the other things, but have never bothered me about it. I am just terrified of going through all that with my family again have got a good relationship with my bro and sister though they are still strong  even though my mum and dad are dead. They dont know we do any of those things cos they live away they dont know and I play the dutiful little sister when I am with them. They think that although we haven't gone for a lot of years that i still live like a JW but just don't go to meetings. If thats what it takes to keep close to them then thats what I do.But I am so terrified that them lot could come and completely mess my relationship with them for a second time.

Any advice would be very welcome.

Sorry for rabbiting on but I don't know who else to ask about things like this 

myababes~Hi, Nice to meet you.  I hate to say it, but yet.  I can and does happen.  I know that the second time I was disfellowshipped, I found out after it was announced.  (That sounds pretty funny to me now)  I had talked to the elders and they said they were going to call back and talk to me a week from that day.  When that day came and they did not call, I called my mom to figure out what to do.  She informed me she could not talk to me because it had been announced at the meeting that I was disfellowshipped.  I thought to myself that that sure was odd.  

I also was such a mouse and did not raise a stink and just accepted it and got angry but instead of changing anything I was doing as I had intended on doing, I threw myself into what trouble I was into more.  Years later I did call and question one of the elders about it.  Amazingly the story had changed.  I was told something to the effect that I showed signs of not changing my course at all and no signs of repentance.  The funny thing is I seem to recall being very scared the first time I spoke to them, not saying much (via telephone) and open to speaking to them again.  In fact I was open to help and possibly changing my course of action.  I found it very tidy how they wrapped it up and DF'ed me via long distance and did not even tell me.  They did not even bother trying to help me. 

Pretty much the elders can do what they want for who they want.       

Machoman...I think we all have seen enough of the elders trying to show us enough lover.  lol 

I  think you are a bit confused if you think any of us are AFRAID of them.  I cannot speak for all of us here, but I know for sure this is one gal that lost all fear a long time ago.  They are only human and that became all too clear.  It should be quite clear to you too with all the child molestation coverups being revealed.  They are not gods tool for anything.  Furthermore, for many of us, they made  gods nonexistance clear.  Or at least clouded the lines of faith in one.  

As I have previosuly here, all any of us can do is express our opinions/  They came after me ;being a fader for about 18 months followed by non attendance for a further 18 months.

If you rock the dub boat they will; in my experience come after you.

You fade quietly into the background they'll probablly leave you alone; like the ex pioneer sister from Manchester Farnworth Cong, who smoked that much she got an obviouls throat cancer.  However recieves a warm welcome when she attends the memorial annually and everyone turns a blind eye to her mashed up, scarred face!

However you try and fade, and when your asked why you'r fading you reply that its al the peodos you know while you sit at the assembly,and then proceed to inform tham that you know of a 'member who is all singing and dancing' , but you also have evidence that that person has been sleeping in the same bed as her m.s. ELDON TYLER ROBERTS ( SO SUE ME!!!, YOU KNOW ITS TRUE)  boyfriend from Colwyn Bay.   

YOU MAKE TOOOOO MUCH NOISE THEY'LL HAVE YOU OUT

Bar stewards the lot of them.

APOLOGIES>> HAVING A RANT          phewwwwww.

Shell69

Thank you all so much for replying, God how have these people got the right to exert so much influence in our lives even though you don't go and havent been for a long time. I keep what I do away from my family they live away so its quite easy, but why the hell do I feel as if I am still living a "double life" as they call it just like when i was a teenager going drinking in pubs etc (OMG the mortal sin of going into a pub). I used to beat myself up that at the time That I was probably the One responsible for the "withholding of the HOLy spirit" form the cong and it was my fault that there was no increase cos i ws going into pubs!.

All I want is for a day to go by and not think about the damn religion and concentrate on the here and now. I have a good career went on to do a degree and a masters after leaving and consider myself a strong person but it just won't go away. Will it haunt me for the rest of my days?

That's been our experience too.

How we envy those people who don't have any family members 'in' ! The only connection or even remorely relevant connection with the borg is because of immediate family members being loyal Borgites.

But we have found that as the years pass the further into the dim grey past the life of a dub seems to us.