So I'm reading this book You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought, by Peter McWilliams and this chapter jumped out at me, I'll quote it below because to me it totally answers the JW dogma and how ingrained that feeling of never being good enough, or just plain enough.  I would be interested in some feed back if you have any.

Where Does Negative Thinking Come From?

Or

Why Are We Doing This to Ourselves? 

Part I page 49.

Why do we use the power of our mind to create a negative reality? If our mind can generate health, wealth, and happiness as easily as illness, poverty, and despair, why aren't we healthy, wealthy, and happy all the time?

If a genie appeared and offered you a choice--health, wealth, and happiness or illness, poverty, and despair--which would you choose? If the former is the obvious choice, why do we sometimes choose the negative? There must be something else--something deeper--generating the impulse to think negatively.

Although you may have another word to describe the phenomenon, allow me to call this spring of negative thinking unworthiness. It's more than just a feeling or a passing thought; it's a ground of being, a deep-seated belief that "I'm just not good enough." Other words for it are insecurity, undeservingness, and low self-esteem.

Unworthiness undermines all our positive ideas and validates all our negative thoughts.

When we think of something good about ourselves, unworthiness pops up and says,
"No, you're not." When we desire something positive for ourselves, unworthiness says, "you don't deserve it." When something good happens to us, unworthiness says (often with our own lips), "This is too good to be true!"*

*(The one I seem to use most often is "Whoa!"--an equestrian term meaning, "Hold it! Too much! Stop all this goodness; I can't take it!"

When we think something bad about ourselves, unworthiness agrees, "Yes that's true, and furthermore......" When we tell ourselves we can't have or do something we want, unworthiness says, "Now you're being realistic." When something bad happens to us, unworthiness is the first to point out, "See I told you so."

Jack Canfield describes unworthiness as a vulture sitting on your shoulder, squawking in your ear an endless stream of "You can't do it!" "You're not good enough!" "Don't even try!" "Who do you think you are?" "You'll never make it!" "Settle down!" "You don't deserve it!" "Somebody better than you should have it!"

Some people cover their unworthiness with a self-confidence and bravado bordering on arrogance.* ("Some people" like me.) Their cover-up encompasses a self-indulgence and self-absorption that are, well, selfish. These people (it appears on the surface) could use a healthy dose of unworthiness. But, in fact, they are merely lost in a desperate attempt to hide--from themselves as much as from anyone else--the fact that they just don't feel worth it. They think the unworthiness is real, not just an illusion, and they respond by concealing it rather than laughing at it. (Did you ever try to conceal a vulture? It can be pretty funny to everyone but the person trying to conceal it.)

If unworthiness is so fundamental, does this mean we're born with it? I believe humans were born to have joy and to have it more abundantly; that the birthright of everyone is loving, caring, sharing, and abundance. All the negative stuff has just been layered on top of our essential core of goodness. (Not that there isn't strong genetic pre-dispositioning--but that's another book.)

Where does unworthiness come from? A look at how children are raised might offer a clue.

Imagine a child--two, three, or four years old--playing alone in a room. An adult, usually a parent, is nearby. What for? To praise the child every five minutes? No. For "supervision." (Did your parents have super-vision? Mine did.) The adult is on hand "in case there's any trouble."

The child is playing and having a wonderful time. Two hours go by. The child is "behaving" wonderfully. The interaction with he adult world is minimal.

Suddenly, the child knocks a lamp off a table. CRASH! What happens next? Lots of interaction with the adult, almost all of it negative. Yelling, screaming ("This was my favorite lamp," "How may times have I told you?" "Bad, bad, bad") and probably some form of physical punishment (spanking, no more playing, "go to your room"). Almost the only interaction in two hours from the adult community was: "You are bad. Shame on you."

As an infant, we get unconditional, almost never-ending praise. Goo-goo ga-ga. Once we grow a little and begin exploring our would, much of our interaction with adults--the symbols of power, love, authority, and life itself--consists of being corrected. Don't do this. Don't do that.

If we draw a picture, we get praise. If we draw the same picture again, we get less praise. If we draw the same picture five times in a row, we are told to try something new.

If we pour jam on the cat, we are scolded. If we pour jam on the cat a second time, we are scolded more severely. If we pour jam on the cat five times, we may begin wishing that, like the cat, we had nine lives.

The more we do something good, the less praise we get for it. The more we do something bad, the more punishment we receive. Some children learn to do negative things just to get attention because they figure (using child-logic) that negative attention is better than no attention at all. To a child, being ignored can seem like abandonment.

Inside, a part of us begins to add up all the times we're called "wonderful" and all the times we're called "bad." The bad seems to outnumber the wonderful.

We may begin to believe we are bad; that unless we do something new and remarkable and tremendous, we're not going to be thought of as good; that we must strive, work hard, and never disobey if we hope to get even a little appreciation; that our goodness must be earned because we are, after all, essentially bad.

Bad, unlovable, not good enough, undeserving, unworthy.

From this fertile ground spring our negative thoughts. Sure, we have a lot of positive thoughts, but we tend to believe the negative ones more. A positive thought, checked against this belief of unworthiness, is labeled "False." A negative thought feels at home. The unworthiness proclaims it true, accurate, right.

Another reason we don't feel quite as magnificent as we might is technology--the mass communication of sounds and images is a relatively new phenomenon.

A hundred years ago or so, if you played a musical instrument or sang with any degree of competence, you would be among the best any of your acquaintances had ever heard. (The phonograph wasn't invented until 1877.) If you danced, juggled, or "play acted," you were in demand for socials and other gatherings. (The first motion pictures weren't shown publicly until 1894.) If you read books or could write more than your name, you were considered a local scholar and called upon to read or write for those who could not--which was the majority of the population, by the way. (In 1880, only 2.5 percent of high-school aged children went to high school.)

Today, all our achievements are compared with the best of the best. We have become accustomed to the highest form of excellence as our standard to judge everything from intelligence ("Did you read about that three-year-old who memorized the entire Encyclopedia Britannica?") to brute force ("So you can lift a car. Big deal. I saw this guy on TV who could pull a jumbo jet--with his teeth!") to absurdity ("You think that's big? I heard about a girl who could blow a bubble bigger than her whole body!")

One wonders, for example, if Beethoven would have been encouraged to follow his musical bent if, as a child, he had been constantly compared to Mozart (who was twenty-six at the time of Beethoven's birth). Mozart made a living composing and performing at age five. Beethoven didn't become a professional musician until the ripe old age of eleven. If Mozart's childhood performances had been shown again and again on TV, one can imagine a seven-year-old Beethoven, struggling with a composition, being told, "Mozart did better than this when he was four!"

With the best-of-the-best as the standard, it's little wonder that our initial inklings of uniqueness, brilliance, and perhaps even genius can be trampled under the crushing hooves of "You think that's good? Well, I saw on TV......"

In fact, we don't even need the critical "help" of others. We make our own comparisons (in which we lose) long before we dare to share our accomplishments or desires with others. With larger-than-life achievements and achievers on all media fronts, it's little wonder we might think our meager initial offerings--and, perhaps, we ourselves--don't make the grade.

No matter how good we may be, we just aren't good enough.

 

I hope you enjoyed the read, I highly recommend this book!

Kate

Thanks LT:

Well wouldn't that be called being numb? Many people reach that stage to avoid the "other" feelings by numbing out with substances or by being human doings, instead of human beings.

As far as simply "being" I think that is the quest and to me it means living in the present. Does that make sense to you?

Kate

Eh LT I'm not sure it's possible to be neutral, it's the old yin-yang thing and I don't think you can fool Mother Nature I think we are just hardwired to have a disposition one way or another.

Forgive me if I'm not getting it but don't give up on me, it raises some questions of my own demeanor.

Kate

Kate

This goes on the Best of Recovery threads (when I get it posted0

I think this is the type of thinking that is reponsible for people "settled" for second or third or100th best instead of holding out for THE best.

Got some serious thinking to do.

hmm, interesting subject, but I can't help thinking, why have we evolved to be this way. Why does mankind always want more. And if there weren't the negatives like, "I don't have enough", would we have ever wriggled out of the mud in the first place, let alone develop the silicon chip.

 

 

Bikerc,

Nice article,, I think this "unworthyness" feeling is hard to shake with just acknowledging that it is an unreasonable or just understanding it to be wrong. Since it took many years of experience to come to the point we are now in our lives with all our negative hang-ups,,I don't think we can just lose it by an act of will or thru the use of just reasoning,, it is a start in the right direction but only a start. I remember reading some where that we have to get into the subconscious in order to change these negative parterns of thought. I think hypnotism and positive subliminal suggestions might be a good way to neutralize the "I'm not worthy syndrome.

Christians automatically accept the fact we are all poop in God's eyes because we inherited "sin" from our great great great great great, pant pant pant, great great Grandfather Adam.

Balderdash.

We are as good as we are able to be when we strive hard and have a spot of luck.

Religion tells us we are dust on the scales and a drop in the ocean to control us. Religion sells unworthiness. It is their stock and trade.

Religion never put a man on the moon, cured polio, eliminated smallpox, gave us anesthetics for pain, developed open heart surgery, cataract removal or invented electrical appliances and air-conditioning. Nope, weak sinful "imperfect" man did all that and more in spite of being poop in God's eyes.  People are simply amazing animals with seemingly unlimited potential. But, that potential cannot be fully realised with the belief that there is something there worth working on.

Self-improvement doesn't come from people who are waiting to be rescued. The Bible and religion keep people weak and dependant and frightened and tired.  It is difficult to split the atom if your nose is stuck in the book of Revelation or you are knocking doors indoctrinating the populace with nonsense.

How wonderful are you? Wonderful is as wonderful does. If you don't DO anything worth mentioning then you aren't very wonderful. We each have to get up off our saggy bottom and actually PERFORM an act worth mentioning. We can gather strength and perform the miracle of getting better and better at something each day.

It all comes down to action and education and a positive view of a realistic world in which the invisible doesn't sit on a throne somewhere counting our Brownie points.

Just my wack view of life. Take it for what it is worth and discard the rest.

Terry

Inner conversation:

I'm not worthy,, no I am worthy,,no your not,,yes I am,, no your not,,I am,,no your not,,am so,,am not.

Just what is being worthy all about?? How does one judge weather one is worthy or not??? Who sets the standard?? ,,,We do personally I guess(?). Negative, positive, can I have both or do I have to reject one,,or should I be 95% positive and have only 5% negative I don't know. The JW's religion alway made me feel that it was good to feel not worthy,,just a worthless slave who is doing what he ought to have done. I guess I'm worthy but worthy as in how much am I worth and so that's how worthy I am. JW's estimate their worth based on the estimation of worth the war god of the jews "jehovah of armies" places on them and to him the nations are dust on the scales,, so not very worthy is just one person,, unless he is jesus christ or abraham. Jehovah's views of humans is,, if they don't worship me like I deserve I'll just wipe out thier whole family that way everybody can have fear of me and bow before me with trembling and great fear.

Do we really feel worthy or unworthy?  That's a thought, not a feeling, right?  I think what we feel is shame or disappointment or anger or grief, and then we think "if I feel these negative things I must be unworthy".  Maybe it's a habit ingrained in us to think "I am unworthy", so it's hard to kick, but we don't have to think it.  We could just think "now I feel shame" or whatever it is. And the opposite of thinking you are unworthy doesn't have to be thinking you are worthy.  That kind of sets up a cycle where you'll always have to be feeling one or the other, fighting against the one and struggling for the other. You can't tie worthiness to getting the best or even getting anything.  Because we will always make mistakes, and we can't always get what we want.  Nobody gets everything, and some hardly get anything.   If we see everything in terms of unworthy and worthy then we'll always be setting ourselves up, judging ourselves for the inevitable disappointments and losses. And we'll be thinking it about others too, that this other person has lots of money and a great job, he must be worthier than I am, while that person lives in the gutter, he's way less worthy than I am.  The rich person may secretly run a Colombian cocaine farm and the gutter person may have been a WWI hero, for all we know.  I think all that we can reasonably say to ourselves is "I try my best, sometimes it isn't good enough, usually it is."  

I'm glad you posted this topic, it really made me think.   

Just my view, of course, but--unless we measure ourselves in terms of being an individual we simply are a drone in a hive of some sort.

To be whole and functioning persons is quite a process! Look how quickly the family we are born into starts wanting to indoctrinate us with their peculiar and provincial views about everything from God to Politics!

The programming we receive bypasses our ability to be skeptical about anything except the us vs them our group gives us. WE are good and THEY are bad is just about the essential messege of every religion and political agenda.

Education begins with objectivity---but, can escape indoctrination from family, church, school and politics to reach a point where an objective thought enters our mind???

No, most unfortunate is it that we have to become disillusioned to begin thinking rationally!

That in itself is a kind of crime. But, that is how it happens.

Teens start seeing their own parents as out-of-touch with reality and then individuations begins.

Lamentably, a teen's peer group simply takes over indoctrination and it is downhill from there.

If we could just avoid groups of any kind until we can objectively assess everything we've been told by some neutral standard!  But, how many of us simply use a hand-me-down religious book like the Bible, the Book of Mormon, the Koran or the Torah to do our thinking and evaluating for us?

It is vitally necessary to learn how to think BEFORE we accept standards of right and wrong and develop an agenda-based morality and join a group.

Logic is a wonderful tool; but, it isn't even taught in school unless you go for a doctorate!

Logic should be taught in kindergarten. Reading how the history of thinking has shaped men's beliefs, society and religion is vital!  Aristotle had more of an influence on the Western world than anybody until Jesus. I personally think the Apostle Paul is really the man behind the curtain when we think we are listening to Jesus, but, that is another discussion.  My point is--individual men with strong views influence the shape of society because they think for themselves. That can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on who is listening and how they react to it.

If you find the Buddah on the road; kill him!

Worthy? Worthiness? Am I worthy?   I have to have a standard that begins with my own life. Unless I am an individual who thinks for myself and develops my tools of measuring what works and what doesn't I am at the mercy of the opinion of others. Others rule the world. Do I let those "others" measure me and simply accept their opinion?  Or, do I measure myself in terms of myself; my own values and knowledge and evaluation?  The difference between being a leader and a follower is quite a differenc.  A follower only has to stand in a line and go through the motions that others are dictating. But, a leader must know where he is going and why and what he'll do when he gets "there".

JW's are indoctrinated to obey and not to think independantly. If that is not the definition of a programmed robot I don't know what is. An ant in an anthill stays very very busy but is not an individual. Individual's are not tolerated in such colonies.  It is the work that gives value to the ant and not the other way around.  So too with JW's. As long as you work for the hive you have value. When you emerge as an individual with personal needs or opinions you are a nuisance and a hindrance and you must be eliminated!

Independant thought is unworthy if you are a JW!  If you ARE worthy--you don't really exist as an individual.  You only have one function or you are considered worthless. Day and Night you simply must stand before the throne and repeat: Holy Holy Holy forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever..........

Lovely religion, isn't it?  I'm glad I'm not worthy of it!

Terry