Hello Celtic,
I know exactly what you mean. I spent a childhood living with the most God-awful fear imaginable......all the while pretending that I was fine. I remember sitting at the meetings scared to death but no one could tell it by looking at me. The thing that made it worse was that I could tell, even as a child, that the adults were afraid too. So, as a frightened child who do you go to? I was so scared of God that I would get sick........that actually lasted for a few years after I left....I couldn't go to Him. I believe it is spiritual rape.
The sense of joy that I live with now is awesome.....